Sunday, 29 August 2010

Ice Ice Ladies

Top 7 - 23rd August 2010

Hello! Welcome to episode eight of Britain’s Next Top Model. We begin, as always, with a recap of last weeks episode. We get to see Alisha screaming in Ricky Whittle’s face again, Elle says Holly-OAKS wrong again, we see Alisha mauled by surprisingly tanned Zombie hands again and we see Elle squeezing Nicola’s tear-soaked exit face again. We then get to see what’s coming up this week. There is some screaming, some running up an escalator in a High Street Fashion challenge, Alisha is on AGAIN crying about a challenging photoshoot ON ICE and the seven remaining girls will face Elle and the Judges in the elimination room, which to me is sounding more like a posh expression for a toilet every week.

But there can be only one Britain’s Next Top Model (this year). Titles! I’m struck by how much better Tiffany looked with long hair.

Kirsty interviews that when she came home from elimination, she found a letter on the fridge door. She seems pleased that Nicola has written in block capitals across the top of the letter that she has to read it. “Hi Everyone,” reads Kirsty. “You are all such amazing people and I’ve ended up making so many friends. Kirsty, I love you so much, you are such a kind girl. You have helped me a way you didn’t even realise. Love you all, bye and good luck”. Aww. Kirsty breaks down whilst reading this. Alisha pulls a face. She interviews that it was a really emotional letter, and she can understand why Kirsty cried, but she says that everything Kirsty does is really staged. I just think that the only emotion Alisha feels is the desire to be on camera pretty much permanently, so human emotions don’t really register with her.

Joy interviews that she didn’t find it emotional at all, she just thinks that it’s another one gone and it doesn‘t bother her. I think Joy should be on every reality show ever. Can you imagine her on the X Factor? Dermot asks her what she is here to do and she just shrugs and says “Sing a song, what else could I be here for?”. Lovely. ["There's always Asda." - Steve] Tiffany then throws in her tuppence worth. She’s not that bothered about it, because they are there for a reason. She turns to Kirsty and says she’s not going to be all “Like...waah, Nicky” then makes a crying face. “We have to buck up, eh?”. She then mimes drying her eyes. Kirsty looks like she wants to kill everyone in the room.

Some long shots of the house at night before the E-Mail arrives. Olivia reads it. “A Top Model must be prepared for any occasion. Tomorrow is your chance to prove that you too can be ready for any time, any place, anywhere. Charlotte wonders what the hell that means. She interviews that she’s wondering what the hell that means. Olivia can’t put her finger on it. Charlotte doesn’t know AGAIN, but it’s alright, because she’s taking lots of pants. Charlotte seems like the kind of girl that would be prepared.

Some Londonporn. Alisha interviews that everyone is really excited about this task, because they didn’t know what they were doing. Faultless logic again, Alisha. She then tells us that they have arrived at Oxford St, which is one of her favourite places IN THE WORLD. So much so that she LITERALLY knows it like the back of her hand. The girls enter an unidentified shop. Amelia says that they were all excited, because they thought it might be another shopping spree, as cheeky as it sounds. So you want it to be another shopping spree for the spoils then, Amelia?

The girls reach the top of the escalator, and the signs around the shop tell us that they are in New Look. They are greeted by Steph Theobold, who apparently is an Online TV presenter for New Look TV (really) and Charlotte Carey, who is a senior designer for the brand. They are casting for a presenter for their online TV show. Kirsty’s eyes immediately begin to glitter. In order to fulfil the challenge, the girls will each have to pick out seven items of clothing that they can mix and match to create three different looks - An outfit for castings, for parties and for a lazy casual Sunday. Joy’s eyes immediately widen in terror. Charlotte looks confused. Olivia nods knowingly. They’ll have five minutes to choose the outfits, and two to present them. They have all of the (three floor by the sign beside the New look Ladies) flagship store at their disposal.

Charlotte says in voiceover that she’s reminded of Supermarket Sweep when the panic kicks in, and people get a look in their eyes. Amelia says that the store was massive, and they had five minutes to run around the store and get seven items. Yes, Amelia. The nice lady from New Look just told us that. There’s lots of running around. Amelia holds her head and says she can’t do it. Olivia can’t find anything for her casting. Tiffany goes for the scattergun approach and picks up loads of things to decide from at the end. Alisha wants to give up because it’s ridiculous. Olivia hops about with one shoe on.

Steph Theobold gets out her megaphone and tells the girls that their time is up. Steph tells them that there is an extra catch. The contestants will have to pick another girl to model their outfits. Charlotte interviews that after the previous challenge she knows she’s good at presenting. I’m glad the girls are forgetting their British modesty and getting down to proper Top Model business. It’s been a long time coming. Charlotte does do well at the presenting. Kirsty is modelling her clothes, which are not terrible. The New Look Ladies think that she came across as confident, having a laugh and relaxed. They are pleased with her performance. Charlotte looks pleased with herself.

Amelia tells us in interview that she chose Tiffany to model her outfits because she knew she would do them justice. Amelia has chosen a stripy cardigan and a T-shirt with the Eiffel tower on it, which makes Tiffany look Parisian. Who knew? Amelia also informs us that layering is “in”. Tiffany points out that the clothes Amelia had picked were her own style. Yes Tiffany, that’s what one tends to do when they are shopping. Amelia says that she is close to Tiffany, so she knows her personality and she thinks that she looks really good in the clothes. Amelia, Tiffany is only close to you so she can stab you in the back. She just did, there.

Alisha chooses Olivia as her model. Alisha tells everyone that Olivia isn’t wearing any pants, so she can’t actually wear the skirt that she has picked out. The skirt apparently gives a bit of SHIMMER! To the outfit. Really, that’s how she pronounces it. Olivia rolls her eyes in the interview room and complains that she looked like a state in the outfit. Alisha thinks that Olivia should take a leaf out of her book and start dressing in the clothes that she picked out because she thinks it suits her.

Charlotte then pops up again to tell us that Kirsty chose her as her model, which was nice of her. I’m not sure that Kirsty picking another girl to model for her should be added to the list of Why Kirsty Is A Bitch, because she was sort of told to. But nice try anyway, Charlotte. Kirsty puts Charlotte in a Mac which has some ruching. Charlotte is surprised that Kirsty picked some nice outfits. Kirsty uses a double negative, and I judge her. (“She can wear this without no jeans”) Surely that could be added to the Why Kirsty Is A Bitch list?

Joy picks Tiffany to be her model. Joy interviews that she’s “not a very good person at fashion”. Looks like Lynn Truss is coming for Joy too. Tiffany is up next, and she has picked Amelia to model her clothes. She has picked a “girly, chick and hip” dress. I hope she means 'chic'. She has also picked a “funky” jacket.

Olivia chose Alisha to model her clothes because she chose her and she wanted to return the (air quotes) favour. Alisha interviews that when she first saw Olivia’s choices before they were on, she thought they were quite nice, but they are clearly a train wreck on. Olivia interviews that she was glad that Alisha was wearing them and not her, because when she saw them together she thought “hell no”. Alisha is upset because Olivia looked at her like it was her fault. Charlotte laughs at them openly. Alisha wouldn’t wear any of the clothes to a casting in case they thought she was at the wrong casting. I’m not good at fashion, like Joy, so I won’t begin to describe it, but all I will say is that lace featured quite prominently. The New Look Ladies point out that Olivia’s choices were all short and tight. Olivia says that if she had the chance again, she would put a pair of jeans in there. Probably for the best.

The New Look Ladies have chosen a winner. Who’s betting that it’s the only one who they gave feedback to? Yes, it’s Charlotte, for the reasons they have already told her. She will present on the New Look Channel to literally TENS of people. She also wins ten pairs of New Look Shoes. [It's not exactly a "here's £100k worth of diamonds" challenge, is it? Swizz. - Steve] OF COURSE, Alisha isn’t happy that Charlotte won. She thinks that her presenting skills are humorous. I think they are HILARIOUS, Alisha, but perhaps not in the same way as you want me to. Alisha complains that Charlotte didn’t make her laugh. I’m a bit worried that Alisha hasn’t cottoned on that fashion is SRS BIZNESS yet. Olivia gives Alisha the best “shame” look I have ever seen and Alisha looks like she is going to cry. Alisha finishes the segment by saying that she “Should have won, because...I should have won”. I love it when the contestants are articulate. Really plays down those dumb model stereotypes.

Coming up! Screaming on a helicopter! Wearing Bottles! Being welcomed in to the heart of a glacier! Amelia thinks she’s in the Marines! Alisha feels stupid! Adverts.

Back at the house, there are flags everywhere. Amelia has thoughtfully co-ordinated her skirt with them. Alisha and Kirsty start screaming at the flags. Alisha interviews that she was screaming about the flag, but she didn’t know what she was saying yay to. Joy knows from the flags they are going somewhere. Her second thought is where are the flags for. OF COURSE Charlotte knows that the flags are for Norway. [At the very least, they should've recognised the flags from their hand lotion bottles. - Steve] Amelia has an E-Mail telling the girls that they have a few items of clothing on their bed that may come in handy. Their flight leaves in a few hours, they’re off to Norway. Everyone immediately starts jumping and screaming. I’m not sure they know what Norway is. Charlotte reminds everyone to pack. On their beds, the girls have pink snowsuits. This in no way lessens their excitement. They immediately put everything on. Kirsty interviews that she has a feeling they are going to the Fjords. I think this is mainly to show off that she has some knowledge of Norway and what goes on there. Alisha isn’t worried. She lives in England and coldness is “Naturally normal” to her, but if it’s colder than England there may be a problem. Take the clue from the snow suits, Alisha, and keep bashing down those model stereotypes. Tiffany, coming from a hot country, is terrified of the cold.

More Londonporn, and another airport montage. Charlotte tells us the flight was, wait for it, AMAZING. Tiffany says that they felt really special and everyone was looking at them. They are brought Champagne and strawberries, which Charlotte tells us made her feel important. Norwayporn! The girls arrive at what Joy calls Eseport, reportedly at the crack of dawn. They have all changed into their snow suits. They are welcomed to Norway by an unidentified man. Alisha reports that she looked around when she arrived and saw two helicopters. Kirsty doesn’t want to get too excited. The unidentified man is identified as Peter Krogh, who is the CEO of Isklar, which is Icelandic natural mineral water. He tells the girls that Isklar means “Ice Clear” and that they will find this very fitting, as they are being taken to a glacier. They are told that they will be doing a photoshoot on the glacier, wearing dresses made out of bottles. The overriding reaction to this is shock. Peter Krogh tells the girls that the winner will be featured in a marketing campaign and that they will be travelling to their destination by helicopter.

The reactions to this, are, as Charlotte tells us, mixed. Kirsty, Tiffany and Joy (yes, Joy) are excited. Olivia seems unsure because she thinks a glacier is frozen water. Alisha is terrified, of course. She crosses herself and screams for the entire journey. Amelia predicts that Alisha is praying to God. Cut to her crossing herself again. Alisha complains that Charlotte is enjoying the ride whilst she is fearing for her life. Olivia is happy when they arrive both because she is alive and because of the snow. She immediately jumps on Kirsty. Olivia regrets this afterwards because, get this, the snow is cold.

Hair and Makeup montage! Olivia wants silver hair to make her look icy. Alisha appears to have a blue Batman mask painted on. Charlotte gets a white bob wig. Everyone eyes it jealously.

The girls wonder how cold it will be. Peter Krogh informs us that it’s minus five, windy and there is snow in the air, so wearing nothing but bottles will be a challenge. O RLY. Charlotte misinterpreted what wearing a dress made of bottles would actually entail. She didn’t realise that she would be wearing bottles tied together with string. Apparently the string is tight on the dress and it is squeaky. We get a gratuitous shot of Charlotte’s arse. She informs everyone she is naked under the dresses. Alisha is scared.

Charlotte steps out of the snow cart and screams. She interviews that she thought she was going to die. She is informed she has 20 shots. She continues the interview by saying that she began to freeze from the feet up, and that it was difficult to keep the poses edgy and keep her wig on. The Photographer, Ole Marcus Fossen is happy she didn’t complain, even though he was freezing his ass off. Nice sympathy there. Cut to Tiffany with no makeup on, wondering how cold it’s going to be. Alisha says she has a good pain threshold. Tiffany says she has none. Good luck with that. Charlotte comes back in saying that she didn’t have to be out there that long. Kirsty is worried.

Amelia next, who lies through her teeth by saying that she didn’t feel the cold as much as she should have, because she was concentrating on getting a good picture, which is what she should be doing. She shouts that it’s like being in the Marines. She feels that she’s got a lot more to prove after being in the bottom two last week. She said she really enjoyed what she did and didn’t want to come off, so it’s a mystery even to her why she burst into tears when she got back. You got upset because it was horrible Amelia, ADMIT IT. When probed by Charlotte, she admits that it’s “too much”. Atta girl.

Alisha next. Her dress doesn’t cover her boobs even a little bit. She declares her dress a “Death Sentence”. She interviews that she nearly didn’t go out there, but she remembered that it was a competition and that she has to do whatever it takes. She goes on to say that the cold was different to opening the freezer to get chicken nuggets, it was actually freezing. Alisha, I’m pretty sure a freezer freezes stuff, but I could be wrong. [I vote we chuck her into one of those giant deep-freezes just to compare. - Steve] She continues by saying that the shoot felt like sunbathing in the North Pole, and when it snowed the “Ice things” (I’m guessing snowflakes) dug into her skin and went into her eyes. She thinks she’s done the best I can do. The photographer likes the poses but her face wasn’t up to scratch. When she returns, she gets stung by the warm air on her cold skin and immediately starts to cry. Unfortunately, she is not around to slag herself off for putting stuff on for the cameras, so the duty falls to Charlotte, who isn’t sure if it was an overreaction, but Alisha definitely was hysterical. Olivia interviews that she probably would’ve cried as well...maybe...ish.

Olivia appears to have drawn an even shorter dress straw than Alisha, as she has one that she can’t move her arms or legs in. She didn’t realise what she was going to be doing until she was doing it. The photographer wanted strong, face on poses but she wasn’t doing it.

Joy next. She interviews that she thought she was going to pass out because breathing hurt. She says that the photographer told her she was moving too much, but she was moving around a lot to keep warm.

Kirsty interviews that this is THE hardest photoshoot. She has the same hairdo she has in the opening credits, only sprayed silver. The photographer wants her to be more robotic. He didn’t think that she gave them.

Tiffany is the last to go up. She interviews that this was a disadvantage, as she had to watch everyone come back freezing, shaking and crying saying it was horrible. She panicked when she saw how much it was snowing. She also reports that the stylists thought that she looked really cold and they came with blankets for her, but she wanted to continue to show that she was able to do it. I believe you, Tiffany. Peter Krogh tells us immediately that he interpreted this as impatience. The photographer is disappointed and she seemed that she didn’t want to be photographed. Back at the hut, Tiffany says that she was shaking so much she couldn’t breathe, but she’s done it, and she’s proud of herself.

Coming up! Hats can kill you! Elimination!


After the break, we’re still in Norway. Charlotte explains that they are going out to dinner in a fancy restaurant. They are informed that the main course will be Ox. Olivia is confused. Amelia says Ox isn’t great for her because her dog looks a bit like a cow. I can’t add anything to this revelation. I have been literally stunned into silence. It’s broken every single sarcastic, cynical part of me. I may need a moment to carry on.


Back to business, Alisha complains that Amelia is upset. That’s more like it.

Charlotte isn’t happy that there are some of her number that do not like rocket. Olivia hates rocket and avocado. Alisha hates rocket. Amelia hates it too, and doesn’t understand why everyone has to keep going on about it. The next course arrives, the Ox, and Olivia describes it as “some potato thing that was stuck in a rock”, or at least that’s what it sounds like. She then proceeds to scrape off the sauce and loudly refers to her napkin as the “purple thing”. Tiffany looks mortified, and says in her interview that there are always going to be people who moan, but she thought Olivia was really rude.

An E- Mail arrives at the dinner table. It is read by Charlotte. It reads “Your next challenge will see you walking tall if you want to stay a-head in the competition. The cars will meet you at Gatwick bright and early love Elle”. Amelia immediately suggests that they are going to be on stilts. Alisha thinks this is madness, but Olivia runs with the idea. Clearly excited, she starts going on about Covent Garden and stilt walkers who walk like them clown men. Tiffany gives her a look of distilled contempt more frozen than the glacier.

We see their plane leave the frozen airport. Alisha says in her interview that she loved coming back to England, because nothing feels better than home. Kirsty reports that they all slept for the whole journey. Tiffany can’t believe everyone has to go straight to a challenge, because in her opinion, nobody looked good. They arrive at the Dorchester. Tiffany goes on to say that she is in shock, because it’s the most famous hotel in London.

Charlotte reports that when she walked in the room she saw Grace and a little man. She didn’t know who the man was. Kirsty reports that his name is Stephen Jones, because she knows about fashion and that. Grace welcomes the girls back to London, and to the glamorous Dorchester hotel. She explains that the challenge will be with THE milliner, Stephen Jones, OBE. Alisha still looks blank. As does Joy. You can imagine which one seems to care less.

Stephen Jones explains to the girls that celebrities love hats, and that his first clients were Boy George, then almost immediately after that, DIANA. These days he has to make do with Beyonce and Lady Gaga. The girls’ challenge with the hats is to make them their own. Stephen Jones wants to see authority, elegance, grace and poise because a hat can either make you the most important person on the runway or KILL YOU COMPLETLEY. Charlotte is dreading it, Tiffany doesn’t know how to model that stuff because some of them were big and extreme. The challenge involves walking a bit and posing on a podium.

Amelia is up first, and she doesn’t like it because she didn’t know what was going to happen. Grace wants her to be “less Eliza Doolittle at the races and more Duchess”, whatever that means. Stephen clears this up by saying “Aristocratic”. Aah. Amelia takes this to mean “suck your cheeks in”. Stephen wants to see more jaw line, and Grace gets her Duchess.

Kirsty next. Joy says in her interview that Joy seems to be a bit of a hat freak. Kirsty’s hat is a sideways mini top hat. Stephen likes her in it. Grace wanted to see more balls out craziness, again, whatever that means. Kirsty looks suitably confused, as does Stephen. Grace says, by way of explanation, that is what she expects from Kirsty. Kirsty insists in her interview that she can show that with a smile. Stephen praises her elegance but says that he wasn’t getting the crazy. That he didn’t seem to want. Kirsty feels damned both ways and I don’t blame her.

Joy next. Her hat is a branch with pink silk flowers on it, which she says in her interview reminded her of reindeer antlers with leaves stuck on them. Joy goes on to say that she knows she’s crap at catwalk, and she’s probably going to break her ankle or trip over and walk like a weirdo. She has a little wobble on the podium as she’s told to remember her fluidity. Grace tells her she walks like she’s got a ton of bricks on her head, not some silk flowers.

Tiffany is nervous. Stephen is challenged by Tiffany’s short blonde hair. Tiffany then interviews that she doesn’t know why she keeps getting nervous, because it doesn’t go well for her. She gets a hat that looks like it’s made of melted Perspex. Her poses are cute, very nice and very Dior.

Alisha is told to pull up to the bumper next. She was really happy with the choice, which was the same hat as Joy’s. Grace loves her face, but thinks that there is something wrong with her body. Apparently it’s her arms, which she now must make sure that nobody notices. Alicia interviews that she feels deformed and that Grace had cut her arms of. She doesn’t really like that.

Olivia is worried because Grace always says she walks like a tranny. Tiffany thinks Olivia has a funny walk. The girls barely conceal their amusement. Grace thinks Olivia needs to come out of herself and make herself more expensive. So what you’re basically saying, Grace, is that Olivia is cheap. Olivia is just happy not to be told that she walks like a tranny.

Charlotte gets a leather rose and a veil. She doesn’t think catwalk is her strong point. She says that she was nervous and it showed. Joy gleefully points out in her interview that Charlotte was “pulling a dodgy cod eye”, complete with impressions. Charlotte says that the hat was poking her in the eye so she couldn’t see where she was going. Alisha doesn’t think that that is an excuse, because Charlotte has two eyes. [Yeah, who needs depth perception, anyway? - Steve] Grace asks if the hat is poking her in the eye, Charlotte answers honestly, then Grace tells her off because she’s going to have bones, pins and things in her eye and it shouldn‘t spoil her focus. Charlotte takes this with good grace in front of Grace and Stephen but bitches in interview that she was asked a direct question and still got the blame. [In fairness, anyone who's seen any iteration of the Top Model franchise before surely knows that you must never blame your outfit for your performance, because whatever happens, It Is Always Your Fault. - Steve]

Alisha feels sorry for Charlotte because unless she picks up her game, she could be going home. Yay team spirit!

Overall, the challenge winner, much to Stephen’s surprise is Tiffany. He thinks she’s a complete natural. Tiffany is over the moon to win her first challenge. I’m glad because in the challenges she’s lost, she hasn’t seen the challenges as that important, so I’m glad she’s decided this one is. Her prize is a hat. Kirsty is jealous that Tiffany’s got a Stephen Jones hat.

Back at the house, an E-Mail tells the girls that they have learned that “being a model can be fast paced and glamorous but can also be work, work, work. Find out tomorrow which one of you hasn’t made the grade see you at elimination love Elle Kiss.” That is exactly how Tiffany reads it. Amelia thinks it’s going to be a mean one this week. Charlotte is so worried she’s not going to sleep. Kirsty and Joy think that Amelia is overtired. She agrees. Kirsty says that she thinks she may go this week. She says that although she has the personality, the other girls have something she doesn’t. Modesty perhaps? The ability not to rub everyone up the wrong way. Tiffany thinks the photoshoot was problematic. Alisha says that she had snow blowing in every hole you could think of whilst she was having her photo taken. She thinks she will be slaughtered by Julien and hanged. Yep, she’s worried.

Coming up! Grace says someone looks like Sienna Miller (too far Grace) and that someone hasn’t pulled it off.


The girls walk into the elimination room, all of them clearly nervous. Elle reminds them that they’ve had a huge week this week, they started off presented for a High St brand (I think she means presenting), then they were whisked off to Norway to work in sub-zero conditions. Don’t they hate that? It’s at this point I notice Kirsty has an actual MANE and Joy is wearing a dress that almost exactly matches her skin tone. Then as soon as they got off the plane they went on a go-see for Stephen Jones. Elle introduces the judges, guest judge this week is Giles Deacon. Giles has worked for people like Gwyneth Paltrow, Lily Allen and Aggy. We hear about the prizes again.

The judging starts with Charlotte. Her photo is good, but her hair is all over her face. Charlotte says that she enjoyed the shoot. Elle lets her know that the brand have chosen her for the advertising campaign. Charlotte is shocked. Julien says that the girl in front of her and the girl in the photo are two different things. I think he thinks one of them isn’t real. I’d go for the photo, Julien. He thinks that this is a good thing though, the key to being a Top Model in fact. He has one criticism though, it’s that if Charlotte ever wanted to become a catwalk model she would need to be slightly thinner, as she’s a bit “round and curvaceous”. Wow, charming. I’m fully expecting Elle to jump to her defence, but she doesn’t, saying her body doesn’t look as good as it could look in the photograph. Elle tries to play this down by saying that her weight fluctuates too and she has to be careful about her legs in photographs. I am shocked and stunned by this. [I think it's par for the course: Julien once told a contestant on Project Catwalk that she was too fat to be a fashion DESIGNER. He's clearly just a bitch. - Steve] Charlie goes on to say that her face looks amazing, and says well done to everyone. He then goes on to tell a story about doing a shoot on the side of the rocky mountains in a pair of pants that nobody really gives a crap about, but they pretend to. Grace says that there can’t have been much to see. Charlie takes umbrage with this until Grace explains that it would be because of the cold. Right.

Amelia is next. Her photo looks like all of her other ones but the makeup and background make her look different. She likes her face and her body in the shot. Grace is impressed that she made the bottles look like a dress. Amelia thinks she is coming across better now. Giles says that one of the keys to being a successful model is to transform in shots, and he can see that she looks different in the photo to what he’s seeing. Julien says that he wants to see her enjoy what she is doing and be more confident. Grace agrees and does a crap impression of Julien.

Alisha is next. She’s pulling a silly face in the photo. She thinks she looks plastic. Grace says she’s her Ice Ice Baby. Is she going to try to get a song lyric in every week? Grace loves the face, Charley thinks that she looks like she doesn’t want to get in the chopper. Julien thinks it would have been a good idea to get back on it though, as she looks tense and she doesn’t make the bottles look good. Alisha tries to protest that she had a difficult dress. Oh, Alisha, have you never seen this before? You never blame the dress. [See? I told you! - Steve] She rescues it though, by saying that she wanted the most difficult dress to show what she could do. Julien says that it’s probably her worst week.

Olivia’s turn. Elle actually likes it, Grace thinks she’s done well in the photo, which is ok, but when it came down to modelling the couture hat, it just wasn’t there. Elle has noticed that Olivia finds it difficult to find poses that work for her and the client. Olivia has the good grace not to blame the dress, which was probably much harder to model in than Alisha’s. Elle feeds back that the photographer thought she wasn’t very good at all, and that they thought she didn’t listen.

Next up is “Joy-Belle”. no, really. They look at her best shot. Joy doesn’t love it. Giles Deacon thinks it looks like the cover of a comedy Christmas single. Grace thinks that she’s trying to channel a different look which she’s pleased to see, but she doesn’t think it worked.

Kirsty’s told to Come On Down. She’s got her arm up in the photo for a change. It looks like she’s holding up her ridiculous hair tree. Giles thinks it’s serene, even though it lacks a certain energy. I thought that’s what serene meant, but today's is the episode where grammar came to die, so I don’t think semantics can really come into it either. Julien thinks that she looks soft and gentle in the picture, even though she looks like Tina Turner on acid in person. Kirsty responds to this with the fakest laugh ever. Way to work that personality, girl. It lacks energy for Charley, and for him it’s a bit so-so. Elle comments on her arm, she thinks it’s a bit of a worry because she doesn’t understand why it’s up. Me neither Elle. Grace doesn’t think she’s pulled it off.

Last but not least is Tiffany. Her photo is a bit odd. She likes the face but not the legs, which she thinks look awkward. Julien doesn’t think it’s her best photograph - she looks cold. Grace would believe it if it was an advert for breath mints, and I immediately understand what the photo looks like. Giles agrees with her. Elle thinks it’s almost there. Elle then feeds back that the photographer told her that Tiffany had asked to “Get on with it”. Tiffany explains that she was turning blue and they came to warm her up, but she wanted to show she was professional and carry on and that it would be stupid to rush on the photographer. Elle thinks it’s a shame that that is the impression the photographer got.

Elle then says that it’s getting harder and harder to chose a girl for elimination, she doesn’t want to lose any of them but they have to make a decision.

First up for discussion is Charlotte. Julien thinks that she’s a natural beauty. Grace is surprised at how bad she was at the hat challenge. Amelia next, Elle says that she scrapes through every week but Charley thinks something has changed in her and it’s showing. Giles thinks she has something but he’s not sure what it is. Everyone agrees that Alisha’s picture is terrible. Elle has noticed a pattern in her photos where it’s either her face or her body that works, but never both of them together. Alisha’s photo is not Giles’ favourite, and he thinks that she looks awkward. Giles immediately focused on Olivia, but Charley is worried that she can’t walk. I think he means model walking specifically, because she seems to be doing fine with the normal kind. Giles thinks that Joy’s photograph is unfortunate because she looks beautiful and interesting in real life - that she seems to have a certain fight in her. I agree. She looks like she’d fight dirty outside the kebab shop at 4am. Julien thinks she’s grown in her confidence. Kirsty wows and seduces the judges with her enthusiasm, but week after week her pictures are mediocre. Julien says he’s always liked Kirsty, but perhaps it was her enthusiasm rather than the model that he liked. It’s funny, because none of the girls like her personality. Finally, Julien is not inspired by Tiff, she’s not a Top Model in his eyes. Elle wants to see more urchin from her. Whatever that means. Grace thinks that she’s got a Sienna Miller thing going on. Julien doesn’t think so, and looks over to his pal Giles and rolls his eyes. Grace presses on, citing her elfin features.

So who goes? Elle explains that at this point in the competition, it’s not just about how they’ve done this week, they’ll be looking at their overall potential as models. She has six photographs in her hands, representing those still in the running.

Charlotte is called first, followed by Amelia who is told she looks surprised. She does. Joy next, then Tiffany and finally Olivia. This leaves Alisha and Kirsty. Alisha is there because she has the face and the body, but they’re not working together. Kirsty is in the bottom two because she has an electrifying personality that’s not coming through in the images. The girl who’s photo is in Elle’s hands has another chance, and it’s Alisha. Alisha immediately bursts into tears.

Kirsty is feeling happy to be going home, because if she wasn’t going to win she’d rather be out sooner rather than later. She thinks that the panel sometimes don’t see her as she is. She doesn’t think that it’s the end for her, she’s a very talented girl and there’s lots of things out there for her. We see her sign off her letter, which says “I took Nicky’s letter because it means alot (sic) to me but when you get out you’ll all find an email with a copy. Kirsty”. No love, no best wishes...Nice. [But for sheer comedy value - best exit letter EVER. - Steve] We see a montage of arms up photos and she fades out the picture. Bye Kirsty!

Join Steven for next week, where we are promised the first beauty shoot, a one on one Chat with Elle and a 20 foot falling photoshoot where Olivia cries. Are you excited? I am.

Saturday, 21 August 2010

A nightmare on Elle's street

Top 8: 16th August 2010

Previously: The girls flogged Alesha Dixon's jewellery range (who knew?) on Gems TV, then jetting off to Spain for a swimwear shoot. Amba left, and cried. At some point in the future: the girls go to Liverpool to appear in HollyOAKS (bless Elle Macpherson for emphasising the wrong syllable) and get screamed at by a crazy lady. More so than usual, I mean.

Titles. Seriously: there's an Olivia?

Model manor. The girls troop in, having just been separated from Amba. Amelia interviews that they could hear her crying offstage after she left. Hmm, awkward. Amelia reads out the letter that Amba left: "Dear girls, it seems it's my time to leave the competition, and I really just wanted to wish all of you the best of luck. I'll miss all of the things this competition brings. Learn from my mistakes and keep going. You're fab. Stay strong girlies, lots of love, Amba." Nicola interviews that she was gutted to be in the bottom two. "It's like saying that you were the worst of the bunch." Except not, because the actual worst of the bunch was Amba, because she was the one who got eliminated. It's not that complicated, Nicola. Alisha interviews that she's so close now. I mean, she's in the Top 8! That's practically victory! After all, Hayley made it to the Top 8 last year. Remember Hayley? Anyone? Hello? Amelia sticks Amba's letter to the fridge.

The next day, there is E-mail, read by Charlotte: "Ladies, congratulations for getting this far in the competition. Within every top model, there is a hidden actor waiting to get out. I want you to dig deep and release her. Be ready for 6.30am prompt. Love Elle." Amelia wonders if they're going to be on EastEnders. Aim lower, Amelia. Much lower. [It's funny how Susan's internal actor got her booted, but I'm probably looking for logic where none exists - Helen]

Tiffany slurs that they had a long drive the next day and no one knew where they were going. Eventually they started spotting signs for Liverpool, which can only mean one thing: Hollyoaks! Well, at least they're in no danger of being conspicuously bad at acting in this crowd, I guess. They're met by Ricky Whittle and Hollie-Jay Bowes, and Alisha, predictably, loses her shit completely. I'm starting to think she literally never left the house until she signed up for this competition. Ricky greets them, and Charlotte and Alisha swoon in interviews. They start off on a tour of the set. Joy interviews that it's not like you see it on TV. Kirsty and Nicola get very confused about how all the wrong buildings lead onto each other. Alisha is surprised at how small everything is, and amused that the McQueen house has no upstairs. [Why wouldn't there be an upstairs in a house made of MDF? Oh... - Helen]

The girls are led back to the SU Bar, where they're met by Melissa Walton (who went to school with my boyfriend - SLEB CONNECTION), Kevin Sacre, Nathalie Emmanuel, Jessica Fox, Kris Deedigan, Anthony Quinlan and Bronagh Waugh, along with series producer, Paul Marquess. He's reading from a card, which bodes well, doesn't it? He tells them that to be a model, they need to be able to act. All credit to him for delivering that line while standing next to Nathalie "Speak & Spell" Emmanuel without cracking up. He splits them into four groups. Nicola and Olivia must act out a scenario that ends in tears. What I wouldn't give for their scene to be "Lucy Allan's tenure as producer of Hollyoaks." Joy and Alisha must do a scene ending in a catfight. Charlotte and Tiffany will act out a scene ending in a confession, and Amelia and Kirsty will be acting out a scenario that ends in death. Which, although they don't know it yet, will also be the deciding task in the final of this show.

Alisha and Joy talk to Jessica and Kris about playing two wannabe models at a casting. Jessica tells them to be more subtle. Amelia and Kirsty have decided to play adopted siblings fighting over their father's inheritance. Nathalie Emmanuel watches them silently. She doesn't take notes, though she probably should. Tiffany and Charlotte are with Melissa and Kevin, who tell them not to plan the whole story out (and anyone who's watched Hollyoaks for any protracted period of time will know how that feels) and let the rest just flow. They keep giggling. Nicola interviews that this was the worst challenge she's ever been set, because she can't act to save her life. Olivia asks if they can be crying about death, even though one of the other teams have death as their storyline. They get the go-ahead to do that, and Olivia does some quite convincing crying. Alisha starts pulling Joy's hair.

After ten minutes, they have to perform for each other. Amelia and Kirsty go first, because they want to get it over and done with. Their scene is actually quite good, though due to a blocking mishap, Amelia's "death" occurs off the side of the set. Tiffany and Charlotte are next, and they're both slightly stilted. Their scene also appears to be about death (morbid lot, aren't they?). Amelia interviews that she didn't know what Charlotte's confession would be. Charlotte's confession turns out to be that the dead mother they're discussing wasn't actually Tiffany's real mum. DOOF! DOOF! DOFF-DOFF-DOFF-DOFF-DOFF-DOFF! Nicola and Olivia do their scene next, and Olivia is really good, though she interviews that she couldn't actually make the tears come out. Finally, Alisha and Joy do their skit, and Joy displays an impressive ability to play a total bitch. Who knew? Their scene is quite comic and gets laughs from the audience. Alisha interviews that Joy went for the attack a lot more in the performance than she did in rehearsals, and as a result, their fight looks quite realistic. They go thudding to the ground, and the audience jumps. Alisha interviews that it was great because she's wanted to slap Joy all week. Heh.

Paul Marquess sacks the actual cast and hires the girls instead. Oh wait, he doesn't do that (though I wouldn't have blamed him if he had), he announces that one winner can pick a friend to go on a double date with two actors from the show. The winner is...Joy, who looks shell-shocked. She interviews that she thought Olivia or Kirsty would've won. And indeed, either of those would also have been excellent choices. In an interview, Alisha rants that it was her idea. I have some sympathy, as the same thing happened to me in an audition for a play at university once (long story short: we were auditioning in groups, I came up with a really cool idea of how to play the scene, despite everyone else just wanting to do it really straight and boring, we got loads of laughs, and then everyone got a part except me. NOT THAT I'M STILL BITTER.) Joy picks Alisha to join her on the reward.


When we return, Alisha and Joy are arriving for their double date with Kris Deedigan and Nico Mirallegro. Joy, slightly missing the point, interviews that it was nice to go out with Alisha and get to know her a bit better. Alisha subsequently interviews that she didn't want to go on a date with Joy, because she's moany and sweary. That's gratitude for you. They all seem to be having a nice time, though. Alisha interviews that she doesn't drink, and therefore doesn't really know her alcohol-tolerance threshold. Translation: she's a lightweight, and she's about to get wasted. Yay! Alisha is enjoying the cocktails, but Joy wants a lager. In yet another ranty interview, Alisha screams that Joy is "a lady, not a man". Speaking of things that are not, Alisha, it is also NOT 1954. If Joy wants a lager, let her have a lager. Sheesh. Alisha continues to complain that Nico and Kris were more fun than Joy was and kept her going for the whole night. That's what she said. No, literally, that is what she said.

Back in the hotel bedroom, an E-Mail comes under the door. Alisha and Joy get theirs delivered by a waiter. Kirsty reads it out to the girls: "Well done ladies, you all worked really hard. Now you will get another chance to shine. Tomorrow you will need to be back on set for 6am where you will be recording a real life episode." The girls scream. Back at the bar, Joy learns that as the challenge winner, she will have a speaking part. They go to leave, and predictably, Alisha is absolutely trollied. The other three are holding her up, and Alisha falls up the stairs on her way back to bed. Alisha decides to go and wake up Olivia and Amelia, the latter of whom has some seriously snazzy pyjamas. They tell her, quite politely considering the circumstances, that she's drunk and should go away. Joy finds her script, and Alisha insists on acting it through with her, drunkenly. "When it said 'beat', she was beating on the table," Joy giggles in an interview. Alisha wonders why people want to get drunk, and tells the kids that they shouldn't drink.

The next day, the girls are greeted on set by Hollyoaks senior publicist Rachel Hardy, who tells them that because they produce FIVE SHOWS A WEEK, they have to turn around quickly. Unsurprisingly, they will be wearing underwear again. Amelia interviews that they're always naked on this programme, and it should be called Britain's Next Naked Model. She's got a point, hasn't she? In the dressing room, she complains that she's come here to model and she's never worn a dress. Alisha interviews that she has seen her breasts more than she has seen her head. I think she's still drunk. Joy practices her line with everyone in turn. "The script was quite comical, but I expect that out of Hollyoaks," she interviews. Again: don't we all? The girls are greeted by director Penny Shales, who introduces them to Carley Stenson, Bronagh Waugh and Dean Aspen, who will be in their scene today. The girls parade through a scene in their underwear, and then Joy rehearses for her scene with Dean, in which he tries to give her his number and she rips him to shreds. Alisha interviews that Joy is doing very well. Dean interviews afterwards that Joy was a pleasure to work with and did a great job. The scene wraps, and the girls applaud themselves.

After the commercials, there is more E-Mail, read by Alisha: "Ladies! Are you ready to face things that go bump in the night? Sometimes modelling can be a scream. Be ready at 8am. Love Elle." Alisha interviews that she doesn't like horrible things, haunted places or horror movies. She's not going to like what's coming. The girls arrive at a spooky house, complete with schlocky horror effects. They have to walk down a corridor, where the lights go off. A woman runs out covered in blood and screaming, and the girls all freak. Then a mysterious figure emerges, and lights a torch under his face: it's Charley. Being lit from that angle doesn't do him any favours, by the way. Charley tells them that their photoshoot will be paying homage to some of the greatest horror movie scream queens. They head into make-up, and Joy is excited about the theme because she loves horror films. Anyone surprised? Amelia is cold, and thinks the building really is haunted. Charlotte is feeling less scared than when she arrived, "because I did cry, when that girl chased us down the corridor." Hee. Charley arrives with their photographer, Matthew Brindle, who is a man of few words.

Alisha's up first, and she's being attacked by zombies, which are clawing their way through a door behind her. I think the terror on her face is real, and Alisha confirms this. "I was really scared," she says. "I actually did want them to stop touching me." She explains that it was not the sort of shoot where you can look pretty, so she tried to model with her torso and put the fear on her face. That's actually quite sensible; I have nothing sarcastic to add. Matthew thinks Alisha did well, but he did have to keep reminding her to be glamorous. Amelia has to run down the corridor away from a knife-wielding man. Matthew tells her to put her arms down when she runs; Amelia continues to run with her arms out. Nicola is being Janet Leigh in Psycho. She interviews that she found the whole thing weird and kind of funny. Charley thinks she needs to be less self-conscious. Joy has to be possessed, which apparently means wearing a rubber leotard and being chained to a hospital bed with no mattress. She thinks she is being more positive than she has been, and leaves the photoshoot happy for the most part. Tiffany has lots of prosthetics to make her look bloody, and is wielding an axe. She interviews that it's hard to look pretty, angry and crazy. I dunno, Tyra Banks manages it quite often. Charley likes the variation in her poses. Charlotte is next, and the photographer wants her with her hair in the air. Charlotte interviews that to achieve that while still facing the camera involves really flicking her neck, and it really hurt. I sympathise to some extent, but I also wonder if Charlotte might be a bit of a wimp. Matthew calls her his favourite of the day, because she pulled off some tricky direction and was charming to boot. Olivia's direction is thus: "we're going to have you down here, eating a man". And they say this show is soft porn! She's actually a zombie eating guts, and seems to be doing a great job, though she worries in an interview later about not actually trying to look pretty. Charley and Matthew seem happy with her work, though. Kirsty also has a lot of prosthetics, and has to play someone who's been stabbed and is dying. She gleefully shows us backstage how her knife is attached. She interviews that she was pleased with her performance, and thinks that if she goes, she'll go out on a high note. Alisha and Charlotte interview that Kirsty's kind of cocky.

Which brings us to: bitch edit time! Back at Model Manor, Joy interviews that Kirsty came downstairs and asked if anyone had a problem with her. And it turned out everyone did [Schoolgirl error, Kirsty - Helen]. Kirsty tells them that she has nothing but kindness for all of them, and she doesn't understand why they don't like her. Alisha tells Kirsty that it feels like Kirsty thinks she's the best one there. Tiffany says that she's "never met someone so 'look at me!'" Alisha rants in an interview that Kirsty doesn't give anyone else a chance to speak or do anything. Kirsty gets quite upset and says that she isn't trying to be a bitch. Charlotte explains to her that she finds Kirsty hard to be around, not because she's a nasty person, which she isn't, but because she's just too much. Joy thinks that Kirsty handled the situation well. Kirsty tells them that they've helped her by telling her all these things. I suspect this saga is not over.

Commercials. God, bloody Cheryl Cole gets everywhere.

Judgement chamber. The girls file in, to be greeted by Elle, who tells them they've had a dramatic week. There's the usual run-through of judges, including guest judge Matthew Brindle, and the prizes. We see a clip of their appearance on Hollyoaks, which Elle thinks they all did an amazing job in.

Joy's first up, and is congratulated for winning this week's challenge. Her possession shot is terrifying, and actually quite brilliant. Elle thinks she looks like "a debauched goth". Julien loves her picture and is really pleased for her to be back in the running. Matthew tells her she just needs to be more confident. Olivia is next, and her zombie picture is hideous, in a good way. Elle loves it because "I haven't seen you look like this!" Well, yes, because this isn't Britain's Next Top Zombie (although I would watch the shit out of that show if it existed). She thinks it's one of the best shots of the whole competition. Charley thinks she was motivated throughout the whole shoot. Julien is impressed with her versatility, compared to her sexy shot from last week. Tiffany's axe-crazy shot is great, and the judges love it. Charley says that she was really diverse on the shoot, and Matthew is impressed that she made the light prop-axe look really heavy. Grace is impressed that she still looks beautiful despite everything. Alisha's zombie shot gets less of a warm reaction; Elle thinks she looks like she's enjoying being grabbed by zombies, and Grace thinks it looks like she's "in a zombie musical". Matthew tells her she has a strong face, but needs to work on being more soft. Grace tells her it's not her best shot. Kirsty's "left to die on the stairs" shot is stunning, but Grace thinks it could be a catalogue shot, which is not a compliment. Julien doesn't think it covers the danger of the scenario, but Matthew is impressed that she looked beautiful even as she was "dying" and Elle thinks she nailed it [It was rather admirable of Kirsty to try and steal the whole thing by being beautiful when the other girls had to be ugly. After the way they treated her, I don't blame her - Helen]. Charlotte's poltergeist shot is freaky, and Matthew informs the panel how well she worked on the day. Grace can't believe that Charlotte was just jumping rather than being suspended, because the action in her hands and feet is so believable [I didn't get this. It's believable because it's REAL Grace - Helen]. Then Julien ruins it all by saying that they need a reality check, because it's not a good picture - it's not scary or creepy and she doesn't look good in it. He doesn't think she has any versatility as a model. Julien sucks. Charlotte returns to the line-up with tears in her eyes. Nicola puts a consoling arm around her waist. Nicola is next, and Elle asks her if she's about to cry. Nicola admits that she's a bit upset for Charlotte. Grace tells her that it's a competition, and it's a dog-eat-dog world out there, etc etc, so she'll have to harden up. Nicola puts her "granny glasses" on to view the shot, which Charley likes but Grace does not, because she thinks it looks more like toothache. Matthew thinks she needs a better awareness of the camera. Elle thinks she should be better at that by this stage. Amelia's picture is not great, and Matthew brings up the whole arms thing. Elle likes the image, but finds her stance awkward. Julien likes it because she looks ugly and unlike herself for once, though it's not her best.

Deliberation. Joy's picture gets rave reviews, and Julien's happy she's got her confidence back. Olivia also gets great feedback, but Grace isn't sure she's a great model yet. Charley thinks Alisha's hard work on the shoot hasn't translated. Matthew loves Tiffany, as do Charley and Elle. Grace doesn't see the acting in Kirsty's shoot. Matthew loves Charlotte's shot, but Julien doesn't think she looks good as a model. Elle thinks she fulfiled the brief, and so does Charley. Elle tells Julien he's outnumbered. Heh. Elle says that she loves the photograph of Nicola because of the art direction. Matthew says there weren't many to choose from because her body was often turned away from the camera. Julien thinks she hasn't the body to be a top model. Matthew was looking forward to shooting with Amelia, but her heart wasn't in it. Charley thinks she can't take direction. Grace thinks there are two strong contenders to go home.

Eight beautiful scream queens stand before Elle, but she only has seven photographs. First call-out goes to Olivia, who Elle says has totally earned it. Joy is second, then Tiffany, "Poltergeist Girl", Kirsty and Alisha. This leaves Amelia and Nicola in the bottom two. Elle tells Nicola that she started out strong, but recently her photographs are starting to fade. (Didn't this seem to happen around the time she found her glasses? Could the two be linked? Quick, Nicola, go back to the darkness!) Amelia is the kind of girl who turns heads, but needs to learn to translate her great genes into great photographs. So who gets to stay on? Amelia. Elle hugs Nicola and tells her she did really well. Nicola leaves, tearfully. Everyone remaining seems to be in tears as well.

Back at Model Manor, Nicola says she feels disappointed with herself because she was in the bottom two last week, so she knew she needed to up her game, which she doesn't feel she did. She really wants to model, so she's going to go to agencies and keep pushing, because she doesn't want to do anything else. We see her fairly decent portfolio, and then she fades out of the group shot. Aw. I'll miss Nicola. I so thought she'd make the final, but I guess it wasn't to be.

Next week: the girls hit the high street for a fashion challenge, model couture hats, go off in a helicopter, and have their pictures taken on ice. Helen will be here with all the details. Join her then!

Sunday, 15 August 2010

Shop Till You Flop

Top 9: 9th August 2010

We start with a recap of the posing challenge on Carnaby Street, we see Amba's boobies again in the chocolate posing challenge and relive the excitement at Beyonce taking three minutes out of her day to send a video message to the girls. We get to see Joy's extremely frightened fire face again at the video shoot, and Delita was deleted.

This week! The girls meet "R n' B Diva" Alesha Dixon, and get to experience the jet-set life of a top model. Nine girls are left to face Elle and her fellow judges, Julien, Grace and Charley. The "and Charley" bit is pronounced like Charley is on Day-release from somewhere with padded walls. There can only be one Britain's Next Top Model though. So who will we lose this week?

We begin with the girls arriving back at the house to a note from Delita. Joy isn't surprised that Delita went. She was apparently rude to the stylists and the makeup artists (why didn't we see this?). She didn't really have a model look, according to Joy, more like a glamour model. Charlotte reads the note which tells us that Delita wasn't shocked to go, especially since she was in the bottom two with 'Tiffy'. Tiffany tells us that she thought she was going to faint when she was in the bottom two. It isn't a nice place to be standing and she doesn't want to be there again. Delita says that even though she's gone, she does not, and repeats DOES NOT, want the others to forget about her. I wish I could forget about Delita. Ever since she said she was going to move to London by herself last week I've been worried SICK about her. I've even tweeted Grace a couple of times to ask if she's ok and her lack of response is frankly worrying. She'll miss them, and loves them all. Bless.

Olivia says that she doesn't know if Delita going was fair, but she was happy that it wasn't her. Everyone's got to go at the end of the day and as long as it's not her, she's happy. Yay Sisterhood! Her note is pinned to the wall of farewell and we move swiftly on.

E-Mail! Alisha squawks, then puts on her best reading voice to read it. It reads "Congratulations on getting through today. A true model has the ability to sell anything, no matter what the product". Olivia closes her eyes and screws up her face. "Also, never forget the importance of letting your personalities shine through. Be alive and awake at 6am".

Kirsty thought that the challenge might be to do with something that was dead. Charlotte thinks it might be about something that is dead or alive, like a creature. Olivia thinks that they might have to be fishmongers. Amba thinks the same. Joy will die if it's fish.

The road signs show us that we are on our way to glamorous and metropolitan, er, Birmingham. The girls walk in to the foyer of an office. Tiffany thought that they would be selling stuff on a market or be eating something really weird. She's watched the previous shows and knows that there's always something a bit evil in it. Well done Tiffany! If you have seen the show before perhaps you can act on that knowledge from time to time because so far you have all been sitting ducks for anything that has been thrown at you.

We know that we are about to meet a celebrity because Ellie Goulding's "Starry Eyes" is playing. Could this possibly be the Alesha Dixon moment?. Amba looked up and saw her. Amba tells us that they screamed when they saw her as this moment is helpfully playing on screen. Alesha Dixon comes down the stairs and says hello. She tells our contestants that to make it in this industry, you have to really believe in yourself. It's not just about having a pretty face and striking a pose. I want the next thing that she says to be "No, it's about doing really fierce rapping", but it's not. Alisha says that she is exactly how she is on telly. There's no act for her, it's exactly how she is. What Alesha Dixon does say next is that if you are smart, you get your own brand, like Kate Moss and Elle McPherson. Apparently, last year, Alesha Dixon released her own brand of jewellery. (Why wasn't I told!) [Seriously. I love Alesha, and I was all "this is news to me." - Steve] and today, the girls are going to be selling it live on TV. Alesha Dixon is relying on them to do a good job and not let her down.

They follow her into the studio. Charlotte is like, oh my god, panicking about being live on TV. We meet Angeline Davies, who is a presenter on Gems TV who will give the girls a masterclass. Angeline welcomes them all. Amelia says that in the test run she froze up like a robot, and couldn't multi-task at all. Alisha wonders if she should say good afternoon and good morning, Olivia is having problems with her earpiece. Kirsty does some cackling and Amba does some swearing. Charlotte reminds us that you have to remember where to look, who you are speaking to and where to hold your hand, and there's things on the screen that you can't see.

Joy is predictably lost. She tells us that there is some woman shouting in her ear and she couldn't hear what she was saying and she gets horrifically tongue tied. Olivia thinks Joy thinks that everyone is out to get her. Olivia, love, I'm sure you talking about her behind her back is doing LOADS to help with that situation. Joy apparently has to realise that the challenges are training opportunities, and you have to get better. Alisha says that Joy's moaning is getting repetitive. A bit like you sweetheart. It's apparently boring and the whole group is hating it. Joy wants to kill herself for the second time this episode. She just thought that it was a bit of a pointless task. I know what she means, It's selling Alesha Dixon's jewellery on Gems TV, but it's a challenge so you have to do it, Joy.

Angeline gathers the girls back together and asks if she's prepared them enough. They give the least convincing "Yes" ever. She tells them to go forth and go live! Technical shots! Camera men! Soundy mixy type desks! [Finger on fader sliding, wait, wrong show. - Steve]

Alisha is terrified. She's so scared and has never been more scared in her life. And apparently it's Joy who's the repetitive one. Hmm. We get moody shots of Nicola, Olivia and Joy. This clearly means they are expected to do well.

Amelia is up first. She tells us that it's not until you are up in the hot seat that you realise how hard it is. Woah. Alisha says in her VT that Amelia said she didn't really like music when she was doing her pitch, which is apparently a LIE. Amba picks up on this too, and says that she clearly loves music. Why this is needled at so much we don't know. Amelia looks awkward, and talks the about the price crashing as you would a car crashing. Fasten your seatbelts! Charlotte gloriously shouts. Alesha Dixon likes it though, and wants Amelia to sell all of them.

Nicola up next. We all know that Nicola isn't the most outspoken of the girls, and she looks like she would rather be anywhere than on Gems TV. She seems to have borrowed Tiffany's voice, but Alesha Dixon is glad that she manages to get the price in.

Olivia up next. She looks good on the camera. She tells us that with regards to personality "and that" she's always quite chirpy and this comes across. Alesha Dixon thinks she's brilliant. She tells us that she would wear the ring she's selling to the park and to the pub. Alisha was like, what? at this.

Kirsty was up next. Olivia points out that Kirsty is always the one in front, all confident and everything, but she didn't blow anyone's mind away on this task. Kirsty reads out the price and everyone has to pay. Well, duh, says Alisha.

Tiffany up next. She's panicking a lot and thinking to herself not to mess up. But it's ok, just before she went on she decided not to care if she messed up or not, she's just going to do her best with it and smile. Alesha Dixon thinks that with a name like Tiffany she should be able to sell jewellery really well. HA. I write ha, we got a trademark Alesha Dixon cackle. Tiffany sounds like a demon trying to pass as human. Amelia takes the piss out of her accent. Good girl! Charlotte says that Tiffany "really tried" today. Tried to be smiley but maybe a bit to smiley. I agree Charlotte, it frightened me.

Amba up next. She never wants to do it again. She obviously didn't do anything interesting so we go straight to Charlotte, who is clearly in her element. She even called the jewellery gorgeous. Kirsty says she came over as a classy, sophisticated exciting person, and she thought she was going to be like a newsreader. Alesha Dixon thinks she looks very composed, like nothing would phase her, and she looks really relaxed. I should point out at this point that Angeline is with Alesha Dixon through all of this, but presumably isn't allowed to speak.

Joy has her turn. As does Angeline who tells Alesha Dixon that she thinks Joy's nerves got the better of her in rehearsal. Joy looks terrified. She's rocking back and forward like she's speaking in school assembly and every other word is "er...". Even her earpiece is jumping ship. She tells us that it fell out four times in a row. She deals with this by giving us a "f**ks SAKE" under her breath. Whilst miked up. Whilst LIVE on television. Alisha tells us what just happened. She SWORE. Live on TELLY. Joy says that when she realised she said f**k, she swore again. Oh my DAYS says Angeline. Alisha's eyes go REALLY WIDE. Because you DON'T DO THAT. Joy says that all the girls were just stood there, which also put her off. She just wants to go home. Amelia tells her it's ok. Joy disagrees. She just said f**k! Twice. Charlotte says that you don't get naked or swear on live TV, which is ironic because she quite happily got her ladybits out on TV last week.

I'm looking forward to Alisha. She's been slagging everyone off so far and I really want her to crash and burn. At the beginning it looks like it. She starts out with a voice like a voiceover for face cream, but she realises she's not being herself and decides to sell something how she would sell it naturally. This involves squawking like an Eastenders extra. Alesha Dixon does a complicated fingersnapping gesture. Alisha says that Alesha Dixon told her to let her personality shine through, and she thinks her personality shined through more than anyone elses. Alesha Dixon thinks she's a genius.

When everyone is finished, Alesha Dixon and Angeline gather them together to say well done. They did really well and she knows how daunting it would have been for them to present on live TV. The girl that she's chosen as a challenge winner is the one that showed the right amount of charm and could sell her jewellery any day. That girl is Charlotte. Angeline was super impressed with Charlotte and presents her with a very expensive White Gold and Diamond necklace on behalf of Gems TV. Charlotte does some air kissing.

I didn't win! exclaims Alisha, but she's glad Charlotte did, because she feels like Charlotte needed this. Charlotte's really pleased. She won a necklace...Yay! She's very happy she won her first challenge.

Coming up! Amba thinks they're going to Gatwick, Charlotte's TRYING and Kirsty's crying because she hasn't had much birthdays. Intrigued.

Back in the house, it's E-Mail time. It reads "hi girls, to become Britain's Next Top Model, organisation and professionalism is key. In this business, you never know what's around the corner. Be ready at 7, love Elle". It sounds like go-sees to Amba, but proper ones. Amelia thinks they'll have to get around London on their own and visit people. Charlotte is canny, and packs spare thongs, toothbrush, makeup and hairbrush in her handbag, because she clearly smells the rat present here. We'll just have to see at 7am, says Alisha.

The girls get in to two cars. Amba screams, because they are totally heading in the right direction for Gatwick Airport. Amelia tells us that Amba started crying when she realised this. Joy has no idea why Amba cried, maybe she was overexcited? The girls pull up at the airport. In case we don't know it's an airport, we see signs for the departure board and escalators. We are also shown that there are shops at the airport. Olivia wonders if they are going on holiday. Of course, Olivia. They often have holidays in the middle of competitions. She was really excited, but the other girls told her that she wasn't. I realise at this point, they would have had to go through security to get into the departure lounge, so they must be going somewhere. Kirsty thinks that they might have to be flight attendants.

They line up at the airport, to be met by Grace who announces is standing at the top of an escalator. She is wearing an animal print jumpsuit. We'll say no more about that. She says hello, and she welcomes them to Gatwick Airport. She tells them they are here for today's challenge. She tells them they might not know that top models are often booked for last minute jobs abroad, and the departure lounge can be your last chance to get organised, look fabulous and the Gatwick departure lounge has several fashion and beauty retailers where you can pick up a bargain. Grace has envelopes with £500 in them for each girl. This is met by screams. Grace says they can spend the money however they want too. Have a sniff girls, there's a rat around.

Amba wasn't expecting that for a second. Grace tells them to get shopping. Kirsty thinks it doesn't even matter if they are getting on a plane or not, they just went for it. The girls almost knock over a small child in their quest to get into Ted Baker first. Nicola has never had that much money to spend on whatever she wanted before, and she can't think what to do with it.

Alisha, Olivia and Charlotte were a team. They decided to suss out what shops were where, and the time limit, but it all went a bit tits up. These three have sussed out that there must be a catch, and decide to buy stuff for a holiday - bikini's, heels, and an outfit to impress. Alisha said she didn't have time to waste, so she ran to every shop, and ran around when she got there. Charlotte screams "I'm trying!" in a changing room.

Joy says that she went a bit mad. I can't imagine Joy going a bit mad. [I dunno, give it a few more episodes and I reckon we'll all have a much clearer idea. - Steve] She's in a group with Tiffany and Amelia. Joy said that they had to do it all in 45 minutes, which was fun. She puts her arm through the wrong hole of a dress. She can't handle too many options and has a bit of a meltdown in All Saints. Joy's never spent £500, she wouldn't even earn that if she worked seven days a week, all shifts, all hours. It's amazing and really nice to get the cash. Wow, a positive comment from Joy!

We see Amba trying on a dress, shouting that it has to be sexy. Kirsty says that Amba got a bit stressed and kept being rude to the shop assistants and apologising. Amba jumps around while the others look on. They had things to buy! Places to be, and things to buy! Amba tells us that she didn't smile much, and she must've looked like she was constipated the whole time.

Charlotte never realised that spending five hundred pounds would be so stressful. Alisha takes her clothes off in the middle of All Saints because she was in a team of three and there was only two changing rooms in the shop. Charlotte and Olivia already had an outfit, but she had nothing. Alisha stands in the middle of the shop in her underwear, much to the amusement of a passer by.

Back to the others, Tiffany picks up a pair of stripper shoes and thinks that they will go well with her trousers. Tiffany says that they were trying to get everything at once and they didn't know what to buy or how much to spend. It was apparently crazy. Joy's sweated through her socks.

Olivia said that when she realised that they only had 15 minutes left, the stress really started. There's some bickering. Alisha tells us that she is a person that likes to shop alone, she doesn't shop in threes and to shop with two other girls and to be under a time limit was DEATH.

Over with team Nicola/Amba/Kirsty, Nicola tells us that they were on their way to get accessories when Amba decides that she wants to go back to the first shop, with four minutes to go. Nicola found it annoying but realised the folly of wasting time arguing. Amba wants to go to duty free. They then proceed to waste time arguing. Nicola doesn't think that any of them got the things they set out to get, and they just ended up hating each other.

Alisha says basically that their time ran out, and they had to go and show Grace what they had bought. It came to Alisha's attention that Grace wasn't really interested in what they had bought. Grace hopes that they are all confident with their purchases, because they've all been booked on a flight for a quick swimwear shoot at the Sha Wellness spa in Spain, where Kylie and Naomi Campbell have all been guests. They better get a wriggle on because their flight is in 20 minutes. There it is! The RAT. Cue lots of screaming. Charlotte said that people react differently to different things, and Kirsty cried, fair enough. Kirsty is crying because she doesn't get much at Christmas, or have many birthdays [was she born on February 29th? - Steve], but she is overwhelmed by being given the money and the flight to Spain. Charlotte thinks that Kirsty thinks that she's the only one that can't afford a five hundred pound shopping spree.That's clearly not the case, because none of them could afford the shopping spree and Kirsty needs to remember that. Nicola gives Kirsty a hug.

Cue lots of screaming about going to Spain. Espania here I come! shouts Amba.

Airport montage.

After the excitement died down, Nicola realised that she was going to Spain with two pairs of shoes and nothing else. Charlotte forgot her toothbrush and Alisha hasn't got any knickers.

They arrive at the Sha Wellness Spa to an E-Mail read by Amba. "Hi girls, and welcome to Espania. Enjoy your surroundings, but be sure to get an early night as you need to be up at 5am. Sleep tight and good luck, love Elle"

There's lots of "aah"-ing at the rooms and jumping on the beds.

Coming up! The photographer wants more happy, a blonde lady isn't happy that Joy is tired and Amelia feels like a bit of a tit.

After the break, we see more of the glamourous surroundings. Amba says it was hard getting up at 4.45 in the morning. The girls get their makeup done. Amelia reminds us that because they are in bikinis, they have to be BODILY PREPARED as well as hair and makeup. She's still in shock that they are in Spain.

The blonde lady comes out. Her name is Melissa Odabash (really) and she's a swimwear designer. Charlotte thought that she was Elle when she saw the hair coming through the door, but was disappointed when it wasn't. Melissa has had celebrities like Cheryl Cole, Kate Moss, Beyonce and of course, Elle wear her swimwear. Pretty much everyone, she says, modestly. Today, the girls are going to be wearing her celebrity swimsuits. Olivia is most impressed that she has worked with Cheryl Cole. Alisha is impressed about Beyonce. Kirsty is most impressed by Elle. Melissa tells them to enjoy themselves, and she'll see them on the set.

Hair and makeup montage!

Joy is up first. Melissa and the photographer, Javier Galue, greet her. This is met with silence, albeit with a smile. Javier has photographed Cameron Diaz, Penelope Cruz and David Beckham. Joy said that it was very cold on set, as she was up first and it was early in the morning. Javier seems impressed by Joy. Melissa tells Joy that maybe it will warm up soon. Joy complains about the cold. Melissa welcomes her to the world of modelling. Joy does everything that Melissa tells her to do. Javier makes her crawl across the bridge. This apparently hurt because of her bare legs. Joy was then made to look into direct sunlight, which wasn't very good for her eyes. Melissa says that she could tell Joy was getting tired after ten minutes or so, and she had to remind her that this was nothing. Joy actually smiles and says that she quite enjoyed the shoot, and she hopes she's got some good shots, which she should have done, but you don't know.

Amelia is up next. She wasn't relaxed and felt added pressure because she'd been taken to Spain. Javier wants more femininity, and to close her eyes. Melissa wants her to look over her shoulder. Amelia is scared of falling into the pool. Melissa thinks that Amelia is rigid with her movements, but once she's got the right movement, it's a good shot. Javier thinks she needs more confidence and to practice in front of the mirror. Amelia was said that she was nervous when asked to move as she was scared of falling in to the pool, and she felt like a tit.

Tiffany is up next, in a bikini and cowboy hat. Javier is making all the right noises. Melissa wants more energy. Tiffany thinks that all the shoots have been fantastic, but this one is in Spain. She's enjoying the pool and the hot weather. Javier foolishly asks her to laugh. Melissa thinks that Tiffany really listens, and gets it when she is told to move her body, but the laughing looked a bit fake. She has got a good look though. Tiffany thought it was difficult to smile and not make it look fake. I suspect that it's because she doesn't feel those emotions. She says that she was really smiling this time, because she was happy to be there.

Next, we have Amba, who is being photographed on the balcony, with the city behind me. Amba gets confused because the photographer wants her to smile and Melissa doesn't. Melissa doesn't like that Amba was trying to work it with a smile, as it wasn't really a smiling swimsuit. [I had no idea swimwear came with a range of emotions before watching this show. - Steve] Amba said that it was apparent that the photographer and the client wanted different things so she tried to mix it up a bit. Amba tells the other girls that they may have a problem with the photographer and the client wanting different things, and describes her swimming costume as "Diva-ish"

Kirsty's turn. Javier wants her to concentrate on her hands, Melissa on her body. Kirsty says that there's two people that you have to please, and they're both shouting different things at you. Melissa reminds Kirsty that she's selling a product. The photographer wants her to be happy, Melissa wants her to change her face. Kirsty found it very difficult. Javier thinks that she should give more to the camera, and change her face. Melissa thinks she has a great look,but is not great with positioning and needs to change her facial expression, and she needs to give more variation. Kirsty remembers Elle telling her to watch the pouting, and she had to control the lips.

Melissa asks Nicola if she's ready to get cold and helps her into the pool. Nicola feels out of her comfort zone as she's used to doing shoots with strong poses and the water was freezing. She had to be energetic and smiley whilst trying to disguise the fact she was freezing to death. She looks cold. Javier knows she was cold and it's difficult to pose in those conditions, but she made an effort and he appreciates it. Melissa says that it showed on her face that she wasn't enjoying it. Nicola doesn't know how the photos are going to turn out, or wheher she will be cold in them.

Olivia looks stunning on the roof. Javier is giving her lots of praise but Melissa reminds her that she's only got five minutes to get the shot. Not a good sign. Olivia thinks that she can see the whole of Spain from the roof. Bless. Olivia decides to be sensible and listen to the client rather than the photographer. Probably because she's the one that's going to end up on the judging panel. She feels bad about not listening to the photographer, but it seems like it's the right thing to do as Melissa is really impressed.

Surprise, surprise, Alisha isn't happy. She's scared of heights. Melissa tells her to do her best and she decides she has to man up, quickly. She was then too oily and needs emergency makeup. Melissa tells her she needs to be more feminine. Alisha believes that she's been tested in the photoshoot. She feels that she can take diretction, but only from one person. Melissa thinks that any swimming costume she puts on will look stunning, in any colour. Javier believes that she's got it in her to be a top model. Alisha believes she has done her best, and just hopes her best is good enough.

Charlotte next. She felt fantastic even before she walked on to the set and she looks great. She gets a sun lounger and the Fergie soundtrack. She felt great, she thinks she looks great and she rotates her boobs around to show us just how sexy she felt. She hopes she manages to get a good shot for her and for them. She hopes she did the swimming costume justice. Melissa thinks she took great direction. She got it straight away. She shocked Javier and he thinks her eyes have power. They both love her. Charlotte says that Elle wanted her to lose the girly-girly stuff and she hopes that she's done it in the shoot. She tried to sex it up.

Coming up!

Julien thinks that someones photo looks like a tacky lads mag shoot, Elle thinks that someone is a beauty, but it's not their week and Grace sees the truth coming out, it's the true model and it's not going to cut the mustard.

We're back at the Top Model House, and the girls are all in their robes. There's another E-Mail, this time read by Tiffany. It reads "Girls, you've had a tough few days and things are only going to get tougher as tomorrow nine will become eight. Get some rest, and see you at elimination. Love, Elle" Amba and Amelia hug, Olivia doesn't want to go.

Night shot of the house fades into day shot to show the passage of time. The girls arrive impeccably styled at the elimination room.

Elle and the judges are waiting in the elimination room. Elle welcomes them and tells them that she loves being here, as she gets to see them all and the work they do perform the week. She doesn't love being there because she has to say goodbye to somebody. Elle says that it's getting to be a very difficult decision every week, so thank goodness she has her wonderful panel of judges with her. International fashion designer Julien McDonald, Creative Director and Stylist, Grace Woodward, who has worked for Elle and Nylon magazine and her Gorgeous Charley Speed who has worked with Calvin Klein, Kate Moss and so many fashion shows and finally her friend and swimwear designer who mentored them through their shoot in Spain, Melissa Odabash.

We go through the prizes again, but we know them by now.

Elle asks the girls if they enjoyed Spain. She reminds them that they were photographed by Javier Galue and Elle is looking forward to seeing their best shots.

Joy kicks us off, looking like she's about to face a firing squad. Elle helpfully tells her that they are going to be looking at her shot, then talking about it. In case she doesn't understand how it works by now. Elle thinks her shot is beautiful. It is. Elle asks Melissa how she found Joy to work with. Melissa says that she is of course beautiful, she has the right look for everything, but it's not a models life to be tired within five minutes. Julien thinks that she's selling the swimsuit, which is what it's all about. Grace would publish the picture, and she's pleased to see a slightly different girl today. Elle then brings it down by asking her what happened on the Gems TV challenge. Joy said that she got really nervous before it happened. Elle asked her what she would do differently, and she says that next time she'll have a better attitude. Elle would like her to feel more confident because if she does, her attitude will become stronger, because at the moment it's her attitude that's pulling her down.

Amelia is next. We have a look at her best shot. she looks like she normally does. Elle says that the photographer said that she had a hard time, and it was difficult for them to find the shot. Melissa repeats this, but thinks that the shot they did get is amazing. Charley reiterates this. Grace says that she's going to have to eat her words because finally, Amelia is giving a different look. Elle is crazy for the shot. She tells Amelia she's done really well. Eh?

Elle would love to have a look at Tiffany's shot. She's smiling in the picture and everyone says that they haven't seen her like that before. I suspect they mean the picture but in my head it's 'ever'. Melissa said that Tiffany was a pleasure to work with. She had a great attitude and she came out smiling. Charley loves the shape of her body and the fact that it doesn't look like a forced smile. Grace makes reference to the cowboy hat Tiffany is wearing in the photo, and she thinks she's "Riding 'em, cowgirl"

Here's Amba. Elle would like to look at her shot. It looks like something out of the Freemans catalogue. Elle loves her body and her head of hair, but she's not crazy about the photo. Julien says that her face is fantastic, but her body is dead. Charley thinks she could've been fiercer in her eyes, but he agrees with everyone else, there's nothing going on. Grace tells her to work it, girlfriend.

Miss Kirsty next. It's terrible. Melissa thinks that she struggled, and that she doesn't know what to do in front of the camera at all. Elle says she's not at her best in the shot. She knows Kirsty knows a lot about fashion but in the shot she hasn't performed to her capacity at all. Julien says she better hope that one of the girls has a worse picture than that otherwise she'll be going home.

Elle greets Nicola by asking if she's still got her granny glasses. She nods. We have a look at her best shot. Melissa says that out of all the girls, it's the one shot that didn't work at all. It looks like a week one shot gone wrong. Melissa says that they were trying to make her smile, but it seems that Nicola is too wary of her teeth and she really struggled. Charley thinks it's a real shame as he's seen lots of good shots of her, but she's got to be able to give it all and be more diverse. Julien thinks that it's like something from a tacky lads magazine. Nicola laughs nervously at this. Julien advises her not to laugh, as this shot could mean she's going home because it's terrible. Nicola says thank you. [Oh Julien. Either have the full Tyra meltdown about inappropriate contestant reactions to judging, or don't even bother. - Steve]

Olivia next. Her photo is beautiful. Elle loves it, Melissa thinks she was a pleasure to work with, she has an amazing body and is the type of girl she would chose to work with. Seems the sucking up paid off. Grace thinks this shot puts her at the top. Julien thinks it's fabulous x3.

Elle would like to see Alisha next. Elle thinks that Alisha has the most beautiful body in the competition, but they don't see it in the shot. I can't see anything wrong with it. It's a bit generic, yes, but not terrible. Melissa was impressed with her body when she came out, it's insane apparently, but she thought she would have done better in the shoot. They had a hard time choosing the photograph because her face was too harsh. Julien is disapointed because she could've had the body of an athelete and the face of a top model. Elle demands she take off her jacket and tells her she has beautiful shoulders and a sculpted face and would like to see more of it.

Last but not least is Charlotte. Her photo prompts Grace to say "bloody hell, amazing". It is. Charley thinks it's great, and it's good to see her face smouldering. Melissa thinks that she was the best on the shoot, coming in with energy and excitement. Julien thinks she looks hot. Grace remains speechless and thinks it's just...fabulous.

Elle is sure that some of the girls would think that they've been quite harsh this week, but it's only because they want them to be the best they can possibly be, and that it's going to be difficult to make a choice.

Deliberation time. Joy first. Elle mentioned that when they did the challenge she was moody and that was a problem. Melissa thinks that she's a beautiful girl but not fun to work with. Julien thinks she's amazing in photographs but has an attitude problem. Grace thinks that she's an editorial girl with the package and that her attitude can be ironed out.

Charley was starting to lose faith in Amelia for the competition but this shot finally is showing him what he wants to see. Julien likes Amelia's face and hair but doesn't like her body. Grace wins line of the night for "like Madonna would sing, this girl is Borderline". Genius. However, Amelia is in her bottom two or three.

Tiffany next, Melissa doesn't think she has a broad market. Julien thinks it's a nice picture but he's bored of her, and there's nothing more to her than a face and a smile.

Moving on to Amba, Melissa thinks she has an amazing body but doesn't know how to move. Julien repeats this with slightly different words and Grace agrees, saying it's like having a Ferrari and not knowing how to drive it.

Julien normally likes Kirsty, but thinks that she looks awful in this weeks picture, worst picture, worst week. Grace thinks that we're seeing the truth come out, this is the real model and it's not going to cut the mustard.

Elle is disappointed in Nicola's shot. It didn't work for Melissa. She didn't know how to move and didn't want to get in the pool for ten minutes. Julien thinks she doesn't look good or like a model and that this is her worst week so far. Elle agrees it's not her week.

Elle then confesses that Olivia wasn't one of her favourite girls, but she looks phenomenal in her picture. Melissa thinks it's amazing. Charley says he knew her potential all along and this is a prime example.

Melissa thinks that Alisha is really nice, has a great attitude. Grace thinks that she has the most finely tuned body and would like to see her "use her machinery at full revs" and she's not.

Finally, Charlotte. Charley is happy to see her embrace the sexiness. Melissa loves her.

Elle thinks it's a tough decision, but someone has to go.

Nine beautiful Models, not girls stand before Elle this week, but, alas, she only has eight photographs in her hand, representing the girls going forward.

Charlotte is called first. She's really earned the place. Next is Olivia, who looked like she was sleeping whilst waiting, apparently. Then Amelia, with Elle's surprise photograph of the week. Following her, is Tiffany, then Joy. Elle needs to have a word with Joy. Here comes the speech. "When you go to work, you are representing Britain's Next Top Model. You are representing the brand and you are representing me. When you have the attitude that you have had over the past week, you don't do us justice." Elle makes an approximation of an angry face. Joy says thank you. It's a great photograph, but the face isn't enough. Kirsty is next to be saved from the chop. Elle says that she finds Joy unproffesional, but she knows Kirsty is a professional and that's why she's not going home.

This leaves us with Amba and Nicola. They hold hands on the way to Elle. Nicola immediatley starts crying. Amba holds them back a bit better. Nicola shows Elle great editorial shoots, but there's been no diversificaion (is that even a word?). Amba is a beautiful girl, but there's been no growth. The photograph belongs to Nicola, Amba is going home.

Elle and Amba hug it out. Elle notes that Amba is as tall as her, and tells her that she can do anything she wants. Amba says thank you and there's lots of crying.

Through hitchy crying, Amba tells us that the experience has been the most challenging of her life, but also the most amazing. She'll miss everything, even the early mornings. Amba is removed from the picture.

Coming up next week! The girls visit the set of Holly-Oaks. A night out with two cast members leaves Alisha pissed. And a horror style photo shoot tests the girls nerves. Join Steven next week to hear all about it.