Monday, 13 September 2010

Lamb to the slaughter

Top Five - 6th September 2010

Hello! Welcome to the 10th week of Britain’s Next Top Model. As usual, we begin with the recaps. The girls have their first beauty shoot, Tiffany cries because she’s in the same room as Elle, because that’s never happened before and Olivia cries because she refuses to launch herself of a 20ft scaffolding tower with no notice, which ultimately leads to her downfall

This week! The tables get turned and the girls take some photographs. SURPRISE, some people aren’t very good at it, giving Nicky The Rage, which I assume is similar to Alisha’s fire. George Lamb pops by for a magazine shoot and we are promised Terry O’Neill and a room full of rugby players for another shoot, during which the having the pleasure of Elle’s company proves to make it high pressure.


Back at the top model house, we know that a sad bit is coming up because there is sad music. Alisha interviews that when she read Olivia’s letter, she was “drawn back”. I have no Idea what it means either. It reads - “To all my five remaining beauties, all I’ve got to say is four words - I told you so”.

Joy interviews that although she liked the girl, she’s not going to miss Olivia, or anyone else, because it’s “a competition for Christ’s sake”. Very refreshing to hear that you remember, Joy.

The letter continues “Alisha, you’re stunning both inside and out. Don’t let no one get you down…*something unintelligible*”. Alisha said that her letter showed that people do have a heart in the house. Amelia says that she’s really sad when Alisha was reading Olivia’s letter, because they were really close. Joy interviews that she thought “Another letter, another day, get over it.” I love Joy, I want her on every reality show.

We now have some interviews. Charlotte is cheering and dancing because she’s in the final five. Tiffany notes that they have all made it to the final five and whatever happens they all should be happy to be there - she is at least. Alisha is raring to go, and we are promised again that the much fabled fire is coming.

An E-Mail arrives. It reads “To my final five girls, congratulations on getting this far in the competition. Tomorrow, the tables will turn and we’ll get to see exactly how much you have learned along the way. Be ready by 9am Love, Elle” Amelia makes a face. Charlotte makes a confused face in her interview. Alisha thinks that the tables turning may mean that they are going to swap roles. Well done Alisha! That’s some awesome powers of deduction there! Tiffany is thrown and Ameila sucks in her cheeks. Amelia interviews that whatever it is, she’s going to give it her best because she’s in the final five now. Joy reminds us that if you want to win it, you’ve got to pull everything out of the bag this week.

The house fades to dark, and in the morning, Nicky Johnston arrives. He says hi to all the girls. Joy remembers him as “’him from the fashion academy”. He introduces himself as the photographer from week one. Charlotte, of course, interviews that she LOVES Nicky, but she loves everything, so it doesn’t count. He’s come back today to see if they’ve improved…or not. Alisha interviews that she really likes Nicky, and when she saw him she realised that they were going to be doing something exciting or fun.

Nicky announces that he’s turning the tables today, and he wants the girl to be creative. Amelia makes another face. Using their own styling and their own cameras, their challenge is going to be creating “Amazing” pictures of each other.

Alisha interviews that she doesn’t know how to take a picture properly. Nicky says he will be there to give some guidance, but ultimately it will be their responsibility to create an amazing shot. Alisha looks like she’s literally about to be shot. Tiffany will be photographing Joy, Alisha will be photographing Charlotte, Amelia will be photographing Tiffany, Joy will be photographing Alisha and finally Charlotte will be photographing Amelia. Amelia interviews that it’s going to be a good little challenge.

Tiffany interviews that she’s happy she’s taking photographs of Joy, because Joy doesn’t even have to try to get a good photograph. No bitterness from Tiffany then. Tiffany then goes on to say that when she was choosing clothes for Joy, she wanted to pick something that was going to stand out - picking clothes from the point of view of how they will look in the photograph rather than a modelling point of view. Tiffany tries to give Joy an edgy look. Apparently this means copious blue eyeshadow, bright red lips and some dodgy ringlets. Tiffany asks Joy if she’s nervous, and Joy replies through gritted teeth that she’s excited. Nicky approaches her and asks if she’s decided what she’s going to do. She replies that she wants to take her photos outside because there’s good natural light. Marvellous sucking up there Tiffany! Gold star. Nicky looks suitably impressed with this, remarking that Tiffany has thought about what she is doing and he is barely able to contain his surprise. They chose a wall and bring out some mannequins. Nicky interviews that Tiffany was good because she knew she had limited time but she still wanted to try as many things as possible. Tiffany explains that she placed the mannequins as though Joy was breaking them. Joy looks unsure in her interview, but she thinks that she followed Tiffany’s direction. She thinks that when she was told to move, she was doing it enough. Nicky suggests Joy screams, and she does so, underwhelmingly. Nicky calls her out on this, calling it pathetic. Tiffany interviews that she found the challenge really cool and she loved it - not as much as modelling, but it was still a good experience. Nicky thinks Tiffany has amazing potential but she just has to come out of her shell a bit more. Nicky asks Tiffany if she’s happy with the shoot, and Tiffany graciously replies that she thought Joy did really well.

Alisha then interviews that when she was told that she was paired with Charlotte, her first thought was “Oh, *bleep*” for reasons unknown. Charlotte interviews that the outfit Alisha gave her is one that she would have picked for her model if she’d have gone first. Alisha explains to Charlotte that she’s not getting any accessories, because the dress is embellished, and she will grease up her bare legs for the shot. Nicky asks Alisha to talk him through her shot. Alisha explains that she will be using the big shoe, but Charlotte won’t be standing in it, oh no, she will be leaning on it and sitting on it. Nicky interviews that Alisha is bolshy, but he likes that. Alisha then explains to Nicky that she has everything ready in case Charlotte needs to be touched up, and she reminds Nicky that she is doing Makeup, Hair Styling and taking photographs. Yes Alisha, that’s the challenge. Nicky is impressed that she thought about all those things. I think he’s been watching. Nicky interviews that the makeup was horrific and the styling didn’t work but Charlotte was great in terms of positioning. He goes on to say that Alisha has an air of self confidence that’s quite shocking, but he wants to look at the pictures to see if it’s justified.

Amelia interviews that she was “landed” when she found out she was taking photographs of Tiffany because they’re really close and she’s a bang on model. Amelia says that when she was doing the styling, she was trying to get it as edgy and pixie-like as possible. Amelia isn’t sure if Tiffany’s shoes will fit, but Tiffany is going to make them fit. Tiffany interviews that when she saw her outfit she was really excited because she wanted a chance to show that she can be versatile. Nicky asks Amelia what the plan is. Amelia explains that because Tiffany is a Kooky model, she wants to take a photograph of her drinking tea for one, looking at a plastic dog and being sad. Nicky interviews that he didn’t get the concept of the dog and the teapot. We see him putting the same conundrum to Amelia who’s only explanation is that Tiffany is dressed “Quite edgy” so hopefully it will work, and she will get rid of the dog if necessary. Amelia interviews that she had a very specific idea in her head. Nicky interviews that Amelia had Tiffany standing full length and Amelia kept moving back to get her in, and didn’t realise that you could turn the camera vertically. The noise of the mass facepalm at this could be heard all around Britain at 9.08 pm. Nicky demonstrates for Amelia and she finds it a lot easier to get Tiffany in the frame. Nicky’s not expecting her to be a photographer, that’s not what’s being tested, but Amelia gave him rage. We see Nicky stop Amelia mid shoot to tell her that he was getting the rage. Once the dam was broken and he’d decided to interfere, Nicky removed the dog, the teapot and the stools. and pointed out some of the other things that he didn’t like, such as being unable to see Tiffany’s legs. Amelia interviews that she loved the dog, and that was the prop she wanted to use. Tiffany interviews that she got no direction from Amelia. Amelia interviews that she didn’t think she impressed Nicky. O RLY? Nicky interviews that Amelia taking her photographs was the most uncomfortable ten minutes of his life. Amelia thinks Nicky thought she was an idiot. Not just Nicky, sweetheart. Amelia says that she enjoyed the challenge, and thinking about what photographers have to deal with. She thanks Nicky and Tiffany. Nicky’s just glad it’s over.

Next up, Joy’s photographing Alisha. Alisha interviews that she doesn’t like the dress Joy picked for her. Alisha remembers that the first time she was partnered with Joy, Joy won the challenge because of her (I think she’s talking about the Hollyoaks challenge, for those without Alisha’s long memory) Alisha says she’s going to have to shut her mouth and get on with it [chance would be a fine thing - Steve], because every time she helps Joy, she ends up winning and it beeps her off. Joy explains to Nicky that she’s going to photograph Alisha on the dining table from the balcony. Alisha interviews that it was a wicked idea, and wonders why she didn’t think of it. Joy interviews that she thought Nicky was pleased with her choice. Nicky tells Alisha she looks hot. He interviews that Joy picked the same angles he would have chosen. He also says that Joy is the first one to be enthusiastic and can hold a camera. He’s happy that she enjoyed herself doing it, and that she wasn’t traumatised. He thinks that she’s picked up more from the shoots she’s been doing than the others and she’s done an amazing job.

Next up is Charlotte photographing Amelia. Amelia interviews that her outfit was horrendous and it was like a “nightie slash sack”. Charlotte thinks Amelia can work it. Charlotte explains to Nicky that she wants the shoot to be about Amelia and her expressions so she’s chosen a plain white background. Nicky interviews that Charlotte knew exactly what she wanted. Charlotte interviews that she wasn’t sure if it was her fault or Amelia’s fault, but when she told Amelia to look angry her expression didn’t change. It’s clearly Amelia’s fault, Charlotte. She’s pulling the same face she’s pulled in every photograph so far. She doesn’t have another one. Nicky tells Amelia to think horrible thoughts, yet her expression still doesn’t change. Nicky interviews that Charlotte is a sweet girl who gave lots of direction, but she didn’t get anything back.

Nicky gathers the girls in the lounge for feedback. Each girl inexplicably has their best shot of themselves, chosen by their photographer, because that’s logical. Joy is first. Her shot of her is ok, Nicky thinks she looks good and Joy likes it. Nicky tells JOY well done and she in turn thanks Tiffany. Charlotte next, she looks like, to quote Glee, a sad clown hooker. Charlotte interviews that she really likes it. Nicky thinks it’s strong. Tiffany pulls a face when she sees hers. It’s not a good face. You can’t actually see Tiffany, only her clothes and her lips. She interviews that when she saw the shot, she didn’t know what to think. Nicky congratulates her on her body position, but informs Amelia that the effect that she got was due to a fault with the camera rather than her photographic genius. Alisha next, she says “Woah” when she sees her shot. She tells Nicky that if Joy had chosen one of the shots with her lying on the table, it would have been different for her, but she’s happy with the way she looks in the picture. Finally, Amelia. She thinks the photo is good, but interviews that the she didn’t think the shot had any Va Va voom. And the episode 10 award for lack of self awareness goes to…Amelia! Well done pet. Nicky thinks it’s ok, he wouldn’t say it’s fantastic. Charlotte gives Amelia the dirtiest of dirty looks.

Now to the winner. The winner receives not one, not two, but three cameras that actually look like video cameras. [Most random prize ever. Who needs three cameras? - Steve] Nicky tells Joy that when he first met her at the model academy, he felt that she was quiet and unconfident, but today she was a totally different person, and if she’d have picked one of the shots of Alisha on the table she’d have been the winner. Joy interviews with a “look at what you could have won” sentiment. Charlotte interviews that Joy was pissed off, Tiffany says “bad luck” in her interview and dissolves into an evil cackle. She’s laughing because she is the winner! She can’t believe that she’s won not one, not two but three cameras. We don’t find out whether she shared them. I’m guessing she didn’t. She’s happy she’s won, because she needs to step up. Joy does her best to look gracious, and fails.

E-Mail time! Joy reads “Ladies, tomorrow you will all be in good Company. Be ready to leave at 8am Love, Elle Kiss”. They quickly deduce that this means Company magazine. Charlotte reminds everyone that it’s big pressure, because the winner will get a CoverAndASixPageSpread. That’s how I hear it in my head now. They’ve got to do good!

Coming up! Make Up! George Lamb!


After the break, we have some LondonPorn, and the girls arrive at the Company Magazine offices to be met by Victoria White, the Editor. She reminds the girls that the winner will be on the cover. Alisha interviews that it’s every models dream to be on the cover of a magazine. Victoria White introduces Kirsty Hathaway who is HER fashion editor, and she will be keeping an eye on the girls today. Joy’s rictus grin is a sight to behold here. Kirsty wants the girls to be aware of the standard they are looking for and for them to show what they have learned over the last ten weeks. She sends them off to hair and makeup and we have the obligatory montage.

Alisha interviews that when she was in hair and makeup, she started to feel more in the role of the *air quotes* cover girl. Amelia interviews that the styling was the favourite she’s had so far on the show. Tiffany interviews that she loved her outfit, she can’t complain about one bit of it. Charlotte is, wait for it, VERY EXCITED and she LOVED IT. Joy thinks it’s “one of the best stylings” but she did feel a bit slutty.

Victoria comes in the room and tells them that they all look amazing, but there’s one thing that she hasn’t told them about the shoot. They won’t be posing by themselves, they’ve brought someone in to help them out. George Lamb! He pokes his head round the door and says hello. In a rare moment of self awareness he introduces himself as a prop. Joy seems very excited in her interview. He congratulates them all on making the final five, and hopes they can have some fun. Charlotte interviews that George made her even more nervous. Victoria tells them that Kirsty is waiting for them upstairs, reminds them all to be nice to George and wishes them luck.

Amelia is up first and is introduced to George again. She interviews that she was nervous. George goes in for a kiss. She interviews that it was nice working with George and says that he was a real gentleman. Kirsty says that she loves a redhead and Amelia has beautiful porcelain skin. Amelia says she always tries to follow direction, as it appears to be very important. Cut to the exasperated photographer very nearly shouting at her. The photographer is Simon Lipman. He lies when interviewed that Amelia followed direction really well, but a bit less so towards the end. That’s better Simon. Amelia says that she never comes out of the shoots satisfied, she felt she could have done more and needed more time, but it’s the nature of the competition they are in.

Charlotte next. She is introduced to George and sticks out her hand for him to shake. He goes in for two kisses and apologises for being a “bit slimy”, apparently because of hair gel. Charlotte interviews that the client wanted her to be relaxed and sexy. It was weird because she’s used to doing angles and poses. The photographer wanted her to be relaxed. He thought she was fantastic, she was mature and calculated. She went straight into it and was really relaxed around George. He can’t find fault in her. Kirsty from Company thinks that she was easy, natural, comfortable and photogenic. They are all really thrilled about her. She interviews that she wanted it to keep going, she loved every minute of it.

Next up is Tiffany. George doesn’t give her a kiss. Perhaps he is scared. [Maybe it's the hair. - Steve] Tiffany interviews that the set was really relaxed and comfortable. I hope that Tiffany is in no way suggesting that any of the previous photoshoots have in any way been contrived. It’s just coincidence that the first shot that they’ve done for a proper magazine has been different to all the made up shots that they have done previously. Isn’t it Tiffany? ISN’T IT TIFFANY?! Simon the photographer thought she needed more direction than the other girls, but facially and visually she’s absolutely stunning. Tiffany interviews that George was really nice and it wasn’t intimidating working with him because he was really nice. Kirsty wasn’t sure about her looks at first, but she really pulled through and showed them something interesting. She really enjoyed the shoot.

George practically starts rubbing his legs at the arrival of Alisha, but she doesn’t get the kiss either. Alisha also remarks that the set was comfortable, and not quiet and tense like the other ones. Alisha complains in her interview that George was shouting at her throughout the shoot and even though she wanted to chat with him, she couldn’t because she was there to do a job. He was there to look pretty and she was there to win something and she didn’t know whether he understood that or not. Simon thinks Alisha was fantastic. Kirsty feels that she was unfazed by George and gave a really strong shoot. Out of all of the photos taken, there is hardly a bad one of Alisha. She hopes she got the shot, she needs the shot because she doesn’t want to go home. She says that she had a good time.

Finally, it’s Joy. Joy has been given the hat off of a Mr Morgan Organ. She is introduced to George who goes in for a kiss this time. Simon wants her to be vacant and nonchalant. Shouldn’t be too much of a stretch for Joy. She interviews that she was trying to pull off a look that was worthy of a magazine cover, whilst trying to listen to the direction that she was given. Simon thinks she’s really beautiful, but she wasn’t moving in the way he wanted her to move and she didn’t look natural in front of the camera. Kirsty says that she was most excited about Joy when she saw her but she was frustrating on set because she wasn’t listening. Joy hopes Kirsty thought she’s got good model potential and that she was professional. Kirsty thinks Joy’s got a good model look but it was frustrating to say the least.

Coming up! Terry O’Neill, Rugby Boys! Elle arrives on set!


We’re back! The girls arrive at the next location. Joy knows that it’s a rugby club. Tiffany has heard of the Wasps and knows that they are a big rugby team. Alisha sees the wasp and thinks that perhaps they have arrived at a beehive and she’s going to get stung. Charlotte interviews that she had a miniature heart attack that she was perhaps going to be a cheerleader, could you imagine? Alisha says the same thought crossed her mind. All that Amelia can say is “here we go again”. Can anyone shed some light on why she is still here?

The girls line up on the pitch to be introduced to Terry O’Neill, the famous photographer. Everyone pretends that they know who he is. Joy interviews that they are working with someone good. Alisha interviews that they’ve got to do their best and that that there is no messing around. Terry O’Neill has photographed Naomi Campbell, Kate Moss, Elizabeth Taylor and Audrey Hepburn, so the girls better be on their toes. Charlotte interviews that she was a little bit starstruck and it was EXCITING to meet him, because he’s AMAZING. Terry wants the girls to look beautiful AND stunning, and there is going to be some of his friends lifting them in the air. The Wasps themselves. Joy says she couldn’t stop laughing because she was looking at their thighs. Alisha says that Joy forgot about her boyfriend and was all “come and get me”. Tiffany confesses that Charlotte was nearly on her knees. Alisha thinks Charlotte would have got naked if she was told to. Charlotte rubs her hands together and shouts “Rugby Boys”

Terry tells them again that these are the London Wasps and they will be lifting them in the air and give him a great feature. He wishes everyone luck and we have another hair and makeup montage. Joy is wearing a stunning red dress and tells the stylist that she feels very nice and silky. She interviews that she’s never overly confident but she’s never nervous on her photoshoots because they are her strong point. She’s really excited because they have been starved of men. Joy tells us in voiceover that it was a bit weird when she walked on set because there was eight guys who were supposed to be lifting her but the room was filled with rugby players who were ogling her, then they saw Elle, who she wasn’t expecting. Elle tells her she looks gorgeous. Elle explains that she’s come today because she wants to see the girls work and she wants to see the progress that they have made since they last worked together. Plus she wanted to see the gorgeous rugby players. Elle explains that she wants to see Joy lying across the rugby players, and asks Joy if it’s ok for them to touch her. Joy makes an OF COURSE face. Joy interviews that she was glad Elle was there to see them doing the actual photo shoots. If they don’t impress her, they are going home. Elle says that she loves watching Joy work because she’s really professional and she really gets it. She understands her body and the light and she looks beautiful in the dress. Joy interviews that she thought that it was interesting working with Terry because he didn’t say much. She isn’t sure if this is a good thing or a bad thing, but she hopes that if it was really bad he would have said something. Terry doesn’t think that she’s a winner because she hasn’t got control of her head. Something that most of us master at a few months old. But she photographs well which is half of it. Elle said she did well and interviews that she was a 100% working model. Joy said she really enjoyed it, but her boyfriend is going to hate her.

Alisha tells us that her dress was phenomenal. It was the VaVaVoom. She walked on set and knew she would see Terry, but was surprised to see Elle. She tells us that it was more pressure, because not only does she have to perform in front of Terry, she has to perform in front of Elle. She isn’t sure what she’s going to do. She decides that she is going to impress Elle. Alisha is also being lifted up by the rugby players. Terry assures her that they won’t drop her. She interviews that she’s usually fine around boys, describing herself as a hard nut, but she says that the rugby players turned her into a marshmallow. You could have squeezed her. [Or stuck here on a stick and held her over a naked flame. - Steve] The boys ask her about her previous shoots. She plays with her hair and tells them she was nude in a blizzard in Norway. She interviews that they turned her shy and she couldn’t look at them. She didn’t know what was wrong with her, but the boys looked like massive beef burgers. Another of the rugby players admires her dress and tells her that they love the jewels. She says in interview that it was totally obvious they were talking about her breasts. She thinks Terry is nice, straightforward and quick. Terry likes that Alisha followed all his directions which worked out really good. Terry thinks Alisha has a good chance and that she’s a good model. Elle thinks Alisha has enormous potential. She has an incredibly beautiful body. Alisha believes she worked really hard, especially since she had a wig, which she’s not used to. She has to see her picture to know how she’s done.

Amelia is up next. The stylist is introduced to us as Giles Pearson [from Project Catwalk! - Steve] who introduces Amelia to her dress. Giles tells Amelia that instead of being a pure white skinned girl, she’s going to be a sexy woman. Amelia says she knows she’s got to work hard. Giles doesn’t disagree. Amelia interviews that when she walked on set she was on another planet, it was too much to take in. She says it took her a while to get into the shoot as the lads were a bit off putting. Elle tells her her dress makes her legs look shorter than they are. Amelia interviews that Elle gave her a lot of direction, which wasn’t a bad thing as she was probably there to give the direction. Elle interviews that Amelia is mature, and she likes that about her. I don’t think she’s referring to the oldface, but confesses that she thinks she still hasn’t found what works best for her. Terry thinks Amelia is great, he didn’t think much of her when she first walked in but when he studied her closely he could see she was like a fifties movie star, as opposed to a movie star in her fifties. Amelia says that it is important to get a good image at this stage of the competition and she hopes she’s pulled something out of the bag over the other girls.

Tiffany is excited, she can’t believe she’s shooting with Terry O’Neill because she knows who he is. Elle barely recognises her. Tiffany interviews that when she walked on set she was really surprised to see Elle standing there, but it was good for her to have the opportunity to see them. Tiffany is sitting on the back of a rugby player. Elle thinks that she needs to do what she wanted to do in the position she was in. Tiffany interviews that she did try to put her own feedback into the picture, but every time she did what she wanted to do, Elle stopped her and told her to do something else and she realised she was never going to win. I don’t think you can either. Elle barks orders at Tiffany who complies and is told that it’s not right. Elle interviews that she wants to see Tiffany surprise her, but she hasn’t been surprised yet. Tiffany just hopes that Elle thinks she’s good enough to be here.

Charlotte, surprisingly, LOVES her dress. Giles tells her that it’s a Julien MacDonald. Charlotte thinks that this is interesting. She interviews that Julien told her that she needed to lose some weight so that she could fit into his dresses. Giles thinks she’s going to wipe the smirk off his face. I wouldn’t like to be Giles when Julien catches up with them. It fits perfectly and Charlotte does a happydance, both on camera and in her interview. She interviews that her initial reaction to Elle being there was “Oh my god” but then she realised that it was good because Elle could see how much they’d progressed, so the nerves turned into, you guessed it, EXCITEMENT. She LOVED every minute of it. It was FANTASTIC. Charlotte has to jump while the boys growl. Terry thinks that Charlotte was pretty good. He explains that Charlotte has a different kind of shot because he was getting fed up of the boys just standing there so he put some action in. Elle interviews that she is a big fan of Charlotte. She has lots of energy and confidence to do lifting shots that the other girls feel out of control with. Charlotte interviews that she was gutted when the shoot finished, she was standing in a gym with Elle and Terry, why wouldn’t she want to carry on?

Back at the Top Model house, there is another E-Mail, this time read by Tiffany. “Hi Girls, tomorrow you will meet with the judges, only four of you will continue towards becoming Britain’s Next Top Model. One of you will be eliminated. Love, Elle”. Amelia was expecting it, because it happens every week. Joy interviews that based on her performance throughout the week she deserves to stay, but she doesn’t know whether the judges will feel the same. Tiffany interviews that she has the potential to win and Charlotte says that it is like, everything now, and she has to stay, and it can’t end for Alisha yet. Charlotte cries because it’s really important and she doesn’t want to go.

Coming up! Elle picks her favourite shot from the competition, Julien thinks someone is an amazing girl, but it’s a shame they don’t know it and Grace thinks people are going to see something and say “Oh my God”, Charley thinks something is brilliant and the Judges have found it difficult this week.


The girls arrive in the judging room. Elle welcomes them and reminds them that there is only five of them left. Just in case they can’t count. I wouldn’t bank on it either, Elle. She introduces the judges. I notice that all of the judges are defined by their achievements apart from Charley, who is just “the Gorgeous”. Poor Charley. The guest panellist is Terry O’Neill. We hear the prizes again.

Elle reminds them that they’ve had an interesting week - two shoots and a chance to photograph each other.

Amelia is up first. In her best rugby shot she is pulling the usual Amelia face but this time with her legs in a slightly different position. Elle says she knows it was a hard dress and that she was bossy with her but it’s a great shot. Julien is not surprised by the photograph because when she’s made to look like a gorgeous, glamorous, sexy woman it works for her. We see her best shot from the magazine shoot. Again she is pulling the Amelia face. Charley says that sometimes the hardest shoots are the simpler ones, because you’ve got to make it work with nothing to work with. It’s left at that, perhaps for the best.

Charlotte next. Her best rugby shot is out of focus as far as I can see. Elle thinks that she’s done really well. Terry says that she was the most active of the models, which is probably faint praise because she was the only one required to be active. Julien thinks that when she adopts the Amazonian, beautiful character, men just think she’s gorgeous, and she is. Charlotte’s magazine shoot is fine as far as I can see, but Grace believes that fashion editorial is the chink in her armour. Charley disagrees, he loves the shot and thinks it shows a different side to her.

Joy belle is next up. Her rugby shot is stunning, but not very active. Elle explains she couldn’t do much apart from stand there and look gorgeous, even though we all saw her being lifted by the rugby boys. Terry thinks that the best thing that Joy’s got going for her, but she doesn’t use her body, completely contradicting Elle earlier. Charley tells her that she’s got to listen to Terry, because although he really likes the shot, she’s got to bring more to the table on a shoot. Her magazine shoot is stunning. Julien thanks God that fashion has arrived. He thinks she’s an amazing girl, but it’s a shame that she doesn’t know it.

Joy is followed by Alisha. Her rugby shoot is terrible. Elle says that when Alisha walked into the room, it was a showstopping moment. Julien thinks that she goes beyond a model in the shot and that she looks like a superstar. Terry thinks that she will do quite well at modelling and she shouldn’t worry. Her magazine shoot is beautiful. Grace just says “Oh yeah”, Charley thinks it’s superb. It’s Elle’s favourite shot from the competition. Alisha looks like she’s about to cry. Charley thinks it’s the first example of someone making George work. Grace thinks people will see the shot and say oh my God, look at this girl. Julien thinks her body is lickable, loveable and huggable and she’s got it going on.

Finally, Tiffany. She looks bored in her rugby shot. Grace would have liked to see her work the boys more, because she can with her personality and she thinks that it’s just a bit flat. Julien doesn’t think that it’s her. It definitely is Julien, she’s just got different hair. He says he doesn’t like the girl but he likes the picture. Charley likes that she’s tried something different. Everyone is excited to see Tiffany’s magazine shoot. It’s good. The judges are happy to see the girl that they have been waiting for. Julien’s block has been knocked off. Charley thinks that it is really good, the edginess has gone and we are left with a stunning girl owning the shot. Terry says well done and Elle says that it is her favourite picture of Tiffany so far.

Elle says that it’s now time for the judges to deliberate. When they come back we will find out who will be leaving. Elle begins the deliberation by saying that they’ve got a really hard decision to make. It’s really hard to know how they are going to get rid of another girl. Charley thinks Amelia has got a lot better. Julien has always liked her because she’s the dark horse of the competition. She’s got 106 lives and she always gets through. It’s a mystery to us too, Julien. Terry thinks that she’s beginning to blossom now. I don’t believe for a minute that Terry has been watching, but I’ll go with it.

Julien’s always been torn with Charlotte, and he feels that they have a love/hate relationship. I think this means Julien hates her and Charlotte LOVES everything. Elle agrees. Julien thinks she’s a normal pretty girl but isn’t sure if she’s a supermodel. Terry doesn’t think she has it, and that there is a problem with her proportions. Elle thinks she photographs well but her height is an issue. What? Why hasn’t this been mentioned before?

Terry thinks that if Joy can learn to use her body by the end of the competition, she could win it. Julien thinks she needs to be more confident and learn to believe in herself because if she did she could be a fantastic model. Grace thinks that she is like a time bomb, let herself go and then the judges could be blown away by her.

Suddenly, out of nowhere, Alisha’s rugby photograph is a miss, despite them loving it earlier (see a few paragraphs up). Elle says that when she gets it she blows everybody away, but when she doesn’t get it, she really doesn’t get it. Terry thinks that Alisha will always make a good model. Grace thinks the long hair makes her look really mainstream, like an old, bad popstar but she looks amazing in the magazine shoot.

They all love Tiffany’s magazine shot. Charley thinks it’s the strongest shot. Terry would pick Tiffany out of the five, if he had to.

So who stays? There are five photographs in her hand representing those still in the running. Alisha is called first, followed by Tiffany then Amelia who looks more shocked than me. Elle comments she doesn’t look happy, she just didn’t expect it.

Charlotte and Joy are in the bottom two. Elle explains that the judges have found it hard to decide who needs to go and who deserves to stay. They’ve decided they both need to go…DRAMATIC PAUSE…they need to go home and pack their bags…DRAMATIC PAUSE…Because they’re all going to Malaysia. Worst. Elimination. Fakeout. Ever. [For reals. Tyra did it better. - Steve]

The elimination room is filled with Malaysian dancers whilst the girls dry their eyes. The end. [Again, kind of underwhelming. This is how you do your overseas reveal, folks. - Steve]

Join Steven next week for the girls arriving in Malaysia, which is already Alisha’s highlight, Amelia having yet another disaster on a rooftop photo shoot and the girls meeting the actual Jimmy Choo.

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