Hello! Welcome to the week I am calling 12. We have four girls left and three more weeks including this one and apparently it will be a three girl final.
No, I can’t work it out either. I think they are banking on Alisha being eliminated next week and turning up on the live show regardless, shouting about THE FIRE and demanding that she walk in the final.
So, to business. Previously on Britain’s Next Top Model - Grace Faceclutches at Amelia doing a shoot for Baby G in Malaysia, Alisha makes an argument over nothing and Amelia goes home.
This week! The girls have a commercial casting and have to eat Durian fruit, Julian has arranged for “Three of Malaysian’s best fashion designers” (sic) to meet the girls and there’s lots of running around so I’m guessing go sees and the heat is turned up for a jungle photoshoot where someone starts sprinting.
Credits! I forgot about half of these people. I especially hadn’t noticed the croissant on Olivia’s head. I also wish Hannah had given it more of a go. I also wonder why they shoot the credits before the makeovers? Why can’t the credits be the first challenge? HMMM. [I assume they shoot the credits first to avoid makeover spoilers, but I like the idea of filming the credits being the first challenge. - Steve]
Anyway, We get to see Amelia leave AGAIN. Charlotte thinks that being in the bottom two so late in the competition leaves her dangling by a thread, but she’s still here and staying positive and hoping for a good shot this week.
Back in the hotel room after elimination they read Amelia’s letter. Alisha doesn’t freak out that it can’t go on the fridge and isn’t worried about the symmetry so I suspect that little episode, like the fear of heights, was completely fabricated too.
She’s keeping it short and sweet because of the heat. She loves Alisha and has faith in her. Tiffany’s Amelia’s beloved room buddy. Tiffany folds like a class of primary school girls who have just been shown how to make fortune tellers. Yes, Little Miss Dry Your Eyes cracks the robot façade. Once the robot overlord is vanquished, she still doesn’t get her real voice back, so it’s not all good news. Alisha reminds us that Tiffany doesn’t cry, but she does, because it’s all about Alisha. She’s taken aback that Tiffany would cry over a letter.
To Joy for some sanity. Come on Joy!
No! Joy doesn’t miss Amelia because it’s a competition. She’s not wasting her time missing people.
*sets up a "We <3 Joy Facebook Group*
We don’t get to say what Amelia says about Charlotte. Perhaps because it was TERMINALLY DULL, or about how Charlotte looks like the dragon that looks like the cow that looks like her dog? WE’LL NEVER KNOW. This makes me sad
FLORENCE AND THE MACHINE ALERT. (Just the lesser spotted Dog Days Are Over)
“Teetotal” Alisha calls all the girls for champagne to toast the final four. This is met with WOO’s. Charlotte remembers that there were once fourteen girls and now there are four. Alisha is proud of herself for making the final four. She’s ecstatic to be there. Tiffany’s not satisfied with just final four, Joy’s surprised to still be there, she didn’t believe in her self at the beginning. She hastily adds that she does now. Charlotte has got no idea who’s going home this week, but thinks that if she’s in the bottom two this week she may go home. Oh no! It can’t be the foreshadow edit? CAN IT?
The E-Mail tells the girls to prepare for a culture shock and they have to be ready at 9am (love Elle) . Charlotte’s eyes go really wide. Tiffany doesn’t think it sounds good. Charlotte interviews that it’s either going to be a good surprise or a bad surprise. She hopes it’s a good one. I thought a bad surprise was called a shock but obviously I was wrong. I R LERNIN!
Charlotte thinks it might be about food. Tiffany tells us that someone said it might be about food. Alisha says in a PERFECTLY NATURAL TONE OF VOICE “What if we have to eat that fruit?” Tiffany tells us about how they tasted Durian Fruit and it was horrible. They all testify to it’s disgustingness.
Charlotte tells us that as she drove past the mountains and the jungle, the thought did cross her mind that they were going to be dumped into the jungle. But it’s ok, they are at an amazing location of a waterfall. Alisha tells us that there are rocks and green leaves there alongside water and birds. Joy tells us that there were shacks there. They all think it’s lovely. Joy thinks it’s like a photo from a travel brochure that you look at and realise you will never be able to afford to go. Aww.
Alisha tells us that when they arrived at the spa, there was someone standing there and they were confused because they’d never seen the person before. Imagine it Alisha. Meeting someone you don’t know in a foreign country. It’s unthinkable.
The person is Juan Zainal and they are a casting director. Juan is of indeterminate gender. Juan has done castings for commercials all over the world. Charlotte is upset they have to drag themselves away from the island paradise to do a casting. Joy pulls an amazing “Oh no” face which she manages to pull into a smile.
For the first part of the commercial they will be eating the dreaded Durian fruit. Charlotte said that this was bad for everyone. For the second part of the commercial they will be putting their feet in the fish spa for a foot massage . Juan wants them to be convincing and enthusiastic. She’s seen this before.
Alisha was happy at the prospect of shooting the commercial, because she likes talking and all that stuff. Juan is looking for a girl with confidence who can act and take direction whilst being as natural as possible. Good luck with this lot then Juan! *thumbs up*
Joy is first. She has to eat the Durian fruit like it’s delicious. She interviews that it’s BLEEP disgusting. Juan wants her to maintain her composure.
According to the girls Durian fruit tastes like the following:
According to my friends that come from Malaysia (I have two) Durian fruit SMELLS like all of these things but tastes absolutely delicious. I surmise from my research that this bit could possibly be a bit contrived.
Juan reminds Joy of what we all know, her real feelings are going to show on her face. Joy shows off her Hollyoaks acting skills. She doesn’t adapt her accent, says the name of the fruit wrong and pulls a face. Juan wants her to do it again.
There is a montage of all the girls getting the name of the fruit wrong. Alisha interviews that she knows some people may think she’s exaggerating (Alisha?! Surely not…) but she thinks the fruit could probably kill someone. More montage of sniffing and eating the fruit and Charlotte doing a boke.
Next up is the Doctor Fish. Of course, Charlotte LOVES them and they are FAB. For the uninitiated, the Doctor Fish actually eat the dead skin from off your feet. Can I get an ewww? [I was ewwing, but specifically at the close-ups of people's feet. I hate feet. *shudder* - Steve]
Charlotte enjoyed the experience because she thought the fish might have enjoyed her scabby dancer’s feet that are covered in dead skin. Alisha thought it was weird remembering her lines and having her feet eaten by fish. She said it was like wearing shoes made of fish that were nibbling. I notice that Alisha’s feet are HOOGE.
Alisha notes that Joy was scared of the fish. Joy’s face shows exactly how much. Alisha reports that Joy kicked the fish off her feet and Alisha had to remind her that fish have feelings too.
Joy tells us that it was creepy. She even got one stuck between her toes. I’m with you Joy, that can’t be nice.
Juan thinks that Joy has potential but she lacks self confidence. She thinks Tiffany is edgy and has what it takes. She thinks Alisha is a bit over confident (NEVER!) and she needs to pull back a bit and not try so hard. Finally, Charlotte did brilliantly. She took direction and showed poise.
Coming up! Julian says “Malaysian’s top fashion designers” again and reminds Joy that Britain’s Next Top Model must be able to do everything.
More Malaysiaporn! An E- Mail! Reminding the girls that they must always be ready for anything and that Julien is waiting for them and they have ten minutes to get ready. Joy interviews that when she heard that they were meeting Julien she thought “For Christ’s sake, not this man again” followed by an excellent snort.
*badgers all my friends to join my “I <3 Joy Facebook group*
The girls meet Julien who reminds them that the relationship between a fashion designer and their models is absolutely crucial. It’s a very thinly veiled threat. He’s arranged for them to see “Three of Malaysian’s top fashion designers” (Just so you know, I never get tired of typing that). He gives them their portfolios and a map and sends them off on go-sees and will meet them later to see how they get on. Alisha thinks it will be a couple of missions.
The girls pair up. Alisha with Joy and Tiffany with Charlotte. [And I get to indulge my BNTM/Amazing Race crossover fantasies again. - Steve] The latter try to plan their route with a map. Tiffany complains that Charlotte liked to say her part. Very restrained of you, Tiffany. Alisha and Joy begin by circling locations on their map. They decide to ask for help. Joy asks the poor bloke, who doesn’t know, if a taxi driver would know, complete with mime. Joy enjoyed finding her way round because she likes to use her initiative. Alisha just wanted to get there. They get in a taxi and find their way to the first casting.
Charlotte confesses that their first location was right in front of them, but they missed it and talked to six people about where to go. She later changes this to one person, who turned out to be the right person to ask.
First of all, we see Tiffany and Charlotte in a shop called Jendela and they meet a man called Faisol Abadullah who thinks they are both beautiful. He tells us that when he’s casting for a model he looks for how he is going to interpret the look he has in mind. Tiffany interviews that he was really friendly and he made them feel welcome. She was happy that he took his time looking at her portfolio. Faisol does indeed seem lovely and thinks that Tiffany could indeed be a good catwalk model because she has the strut.
Next up, Alisha and Joy arrive at what looks like the actual home of a lady called Tom Abang Saufi. Tom knows as soon as she sees a girl whether or not she has what it takes to be a catwalk model or whether she would be better being photographed, because they are different things. Alisha thinks her clothes are beautiful. Joy was expecting Malaysian fashion designers but wasn’t expecting traditional Malaysian clothes. Don’t make me lose faith in you Joy. Tom thinks she would use Joy for photographic work as she can really change her face with makeup. Joy is asked to walk. We see Joy failing at walking interspersed with interviews with Alisha about how Joy can’t walk. Alisha thinks Joy’s walk is like death, like going to a funeral. Tom asks if she’s having problems with the sarong because she seems quite stiff. Joy says she’s fine. Alisha creases up in her cutaway. Alisha then shows it how it’s done. Tom thinks she’s got the potential to be a supermodel as she looks good in photos and she can do runway. Joy interviews that she thought Alisha did really well and unconvincingly tells us that it was interesting to see how other people cope in that situation.
We see Tiffany and Charlotte arrive at Carven Ong’s shop. Charlotte tells us that Carven is the opposite of Faisol, because he was less friendly and didn’t take a lot of time looking at her portfolio. Charlotte gets a stunning dress, but it doesn’t fit her. Carven wants her to pull her dress a bit. Carven thinks that her figure needs to be a bit fitter, but she is very pretty.
We then see team Joy/Alisha meet lovely Faisol, but Joy gets her hand crushed. Alisha thinks Joy’s dress is lovely, but interviews through tears of laughter that Joy’s walk was still dead. Joy interviews that she hates Catwalking, but at least Faisol didn’t tell her to stop. Lovely Faisol is too lovely to say she’s rubbish. He interviews that she seemed to be enjoying what she was doing, so if she wants to do it for fun, she should go for it. Ouch.
Charlotte and Tiffany run to meet Tom. Charlotte thinks she’s a legend because she looked at her and the colour of her hair to pick an outfit that matches what she‘s like. Tom asks Charlotte if she’s still got long hair, and she demonstrates how long it is by cupping her boobs. Tom doesn’t think that Charlotte is versatile, and there is a very specific market for her looks. Tom thinks that Tiffany has the makings of a supermodel because it’s not just about looks, it’s about attitude and Tiffany has the right attitude.
Joy and Alisha arrive at Carven’s shop. Joy says his stuff is a lot more couture than the other designers. She’s put in a Geisha dress, which she thinks is nice, but does he not realise that she can’t walk properly anyway? Alisha corpses in her interview again. She thought that Joy would’ve improved by her third casting, but she got worse. Joy was thinking about how a Geisha would walk on a catwalk. Joy decides to walk with her arms out. She looks like a zombie scarecrow. Carven tactfully says that he thinks Joy is interesting, and she looks good in photos. He says her catwalk wasn’t confident.
Alisha tells us that when they got back in the taxi, Joy told her that she thought that Alisha had done very well. Alisha wishes she could say the same for Joy and her death walk, because that walk was bleep and rubbish.
Back at the penthouse, Julien has the girls’ reports. He tells Joy that the designers thought that she was a great photographic model but when it came to the catwalk she was weak. Joy tells Julien that she expected to hear it. She tells him that she thought she was ok on the first two, but she wants to improve. She interviews that she thought she had improved, even though she knew she was atrocious on the third one. She doesn’t think she did that badly. Julien tells her that if she can’t be a catwalk model she’s not going to win the competition, because the winner will have to do everything.
Julien then tells Charlotte that all the designers thought that she was really beautiful, but they weren’t sure if she was a catwalk model. Charlotte tells Julien she is confused because two of the designers told her that she walked confidently. Julien replied that the one of the designers said that her catwalk was average. Alisha interviews gleefully that comments like that really get to Charlotte because she’s been in the bottom two twice, but she’s trying her best to improve, but it’s obvious she’s not trying hard enough. Charlotte interviews that it wasn’t a good feeling to be told your walk is average.
Alisha does her best modest face when receiving her feedback. It’s not a brilliant modest face. All the designers really liked her and she has a modern look that they haven’t seen before. Alisha interviews that she had great feedback and she was the favourite of one of the designers.
Finally, Tiffany. Julien tells her that all of the designers liked her. They thought she was strong, confident and great on the catwalk and she‘s the challenge winner. Tiffany interviews that she really needed to win, as she’s been getting worried about the competition and trying to work harder and it’s nice to show that the work is paying off.
Julien ends the conversation with a word of advice for everyone. They must be focused, work hard and really try to give their best picture.
Back at the hotel, there’s another E-mail. Read by Tiffany it says “Hi ladies, prepare to be at one with mother nature. Go wild but no monkeying around. Be ready at 8am tomorrow love Elle. Alisha and Charlotte shout “Mother Nature!” at the same time. Joy thinks that they are going to be “in leaves or something”. Alisha thinks it will be like Adam and Eve. We see more of her deduction process in her interview, where she deduces that there will be monkeys, and she loves monkeys. Who doesn’t?
Coming up! Charley in the jungle! Alisha’s worried about elimination, Charlotte doesn’t think Alisha is worried!
Adverts! I can’t comment on the adverts. I have to write these watching on you tube as the pausing and rewinding drives Mr Helen mad. Sorry!
After the break, we’re in the jungle, which Charlotte thinks is AMAZING and AWESOME. Alisha thinks it’s a bit scary because of the trees but she’s excited. Alisha interviews that she got to the end of the bridge and saw Charley Speed, so she wanted to get there speedily. Nobody likes a kiss arse Alisha. Or people that make appalling jokes (nb, don’t read my twitter feed re. the latter point). Charley tells them that their shoot this week will take part right here in the jungle, which is just outside Kuala Lumpur. He says, in a way that NO WAY sounds like it’s from a script, that the shoot will combine the influences of the bustling city and the serenity of mother nature. The pictures will appear in one of Malaysia’s top society magazines. Allan will be taking the pictures of them wearing clothes from Malaysian drivers.
Joy likes it when there are judges on a shoot because they have to try harder, and because it’s been a while since Charley’s seen them work she has a chance to show him how she’s improved. Tiffany reminds us that her shoot wasn’t that successful last week so she needs to give more choice this week by doing lots of poses. Charlotte’s going to try to forget about last week’s bottom two placing and give out lots of poses and do her best. Alisha is excited, but has to up her game because there are four of them now, and her picture was fifty fifty last week. [By which she presumably means 50% man and 50% woman. - Steve]
Alisha’s up first. Charley asks how she’s feeling. She’s raring to go. Alisha tells us that she was sat on a tree trunk but didn’t think it was showing the dress off to the best so she suggests standing on the tree. “Me and my big mouth” she says. I wouldn’t be worried about your big mouth Alisha, it’s mostly the reason I think you’re still there. She says she was told to be edgy and fierce and that’s right up her street. Allan was surprised that when he told her to be edgy she managed it. Charley thought she was fantastic, showed lots of variation and got the criteria that was needed. That doesn’t even make sense, Charley. Alisha comes back to the hut where makeup is happening and tells everyone how good it was. Under the guise of telling everyone how good it is she slips in a marvellous psyche out about how hot it is and that the sun will be shining in their face. Good work Alisha.
Joy’s next. Allan tells her she wants her to be edgy rather than a beauty pose. She interviews that she had a couple of trees to work with. Allan tells her that he wants her to be uncomfortable. Allan thinks Joy did a good job, because she used her arms and replicated the shape of the tree, which is what he wanted to see. Joy interviews that Allan wanted her to hold some of her poses and that they were uncomfortable. Charley wants her to let go more. Charley thinks that when she does let it go, she stops herself. Joy thinks she could have done more if she had more time.
Charley wants Tiffany to bring some of her Tiffany Magic. I’m guessing that the magic that makes her voice devoid of emotion is not what he wants to see. Allan wants her to cling on a vine, or hang on it. Tiffany interviews that she wasn’t sure that she could hang off the branches, and that if didn’t feel safe at all. She didn’t let that get to her though. Charley says that if the competition was a race, Tiffany has just started sprinting, but from working with her before he was expecting a bit more. He still thinks she pulled out the moves though. Tiffany attempts a baby psyche out when she gets back to the makeup hut about how many poses she did, but it’s not on the level of Alisha’s stealth one. Nice try though, Tiffany.
Finally, Charlotte. She interviews that Charley reminded her that her previous two editorial shots didn’t go down to well with the panel, so she had to go for it. She really enjoyed the shoot, it was the best for her, she was really focused on getting the shot and the fact that she had a huge dress in hot weather and that there were bugs biting her back didn’t bother her. Allan thinks that Charlotte is pretty, nice and sweet and that’s the problem when you want edgy shots. You need a sense of bitchness. Charley tells us that Charlotte has a problem with editorial shoots. She has a great commercial look but she doesn’t have the imagination for edgy poses. He thinks that she will look good in the photo because she is a pretty girl and she tries hard and is conscientious, so you never know.
E-Mail time back at the hotel. Charlotte interviews that everyone is keeping themselves to themselves, because nobody wants to go and they all think they want it more than the others. The E-Mail reads “Hi Ladies, it’s been a hot and busy week but for one of you it will be your last supper here in Malaysia. Enjoy your evening and I’ll see you tomorrow, love Elle.”
Alisha interviews that she’s worried about elimination. Charlotte doesn’t think that Alisha is worried. Tiffany thinks that Joy is nervous because she did badly in the commercial and that Charlotte is worried too. Joy doesn’t know how she would take it if she went home this week because when she was in the bottom two she wanted to punch someone.
*Orders “I <3 Joy” T-Shirts*
Tiffany doesn’t think she’s safe, she never does. Charlotte doesn’t think it will be her this week on the basis that she literally gave everything on the shoot. Alisha has come so far and she wants to go further and further. She’s so close, she can taste “Britain’s Next Top Model”. I bet it tastes fierce.
Coming up! Tears! Elle Tears!
In the elimination room, there is some spectacular fake tan. We hear about the prizes again. Grace greets the girls with “Wazzup Divas!” and the guest judge is Bernard Chandran who is a Malaysian fashion designer who has “even” shown at London Fashion Week. Elle tells the girls that this year there will be three girls in the finale, and those girls will be walking for Bernard.
Alisha is first. Her photo isn’t good at all. I’m not sure if it’s Alisha’s fault or the photographer but it seems a bit cheap and wrong. Elle says that she always notices Alisha’s legs and arms. She needs to point her toes to extend these legs further. Julien likes it, but it’s not his favourite. He likes it because she has an incredible, athletic body but she has to learn how to make it work for her. Bernard thinks it’s a nice picture. Bernard says he would cast her without the book because she is amazing in person. Alisha sees this as a compliment. I thought a stealth bitch such as herself would be able to see the backhanded nature of that comment but no dice. He has to explain it and she still doesn’t look like it. Charley says that he was impressed with her work on the day and thought she did better photos than the one chosen.
Elle then says that she knows that Alisha really wants this, and being in the competition is like a dream come true but she wants to hear why it’s important to her. Alisha says that she’s proud to be standing there as the last black girl and she knows that there are a lot of people at home rooting for her. She’s also doing it for herself because there are a lot of people who told her that she couldn’t do it. I think it’s worth pointing out that Alisha’s voice has cracked at this point but there are no tears. Julien tells her she’s done really well. Grace tells her she’s ruined her makeup. THAT’S WHAT REAL TEARS DO, ALISHA. She manages to squeeze out a tear as Elle tells her that it’s great to see her up there. She apologises for the crying.
Next is “Miss Tiff“. Elle says that she wants to call her “Mischief”. I SEE WHAT YOU DID THERE ELLE. AHAHAHA!! Tiffany’s picture looks like a still from an 80’s action comedy where a glamorous woman has to walk through the jungle in heels for lols. She looks like she’s slipped and is holding on to the vine. Julien wants to like it, but he doesn’t. He thinks the angle is awkward and she looks like she’s about to get off a swing. Elle hasn’t seen her face look this beautiful and thinks the (long) hair (hee!) and makeup really work for her. She admits that the body is awkward and the shape of the dress doesn’t work for her but she’s not looking at that because she looks gorgeous. Tiffany is an elfin, pixie girl in Graces head and what she wanted to see tropical creature in a fabulous frock in the jungle and she’s not getting that.
Elle asks why she wants to be one of the final three. Tiffany says that she has always studied and loved fashion. She has a passion for it and she feels that she belongs here. She also thinks that she can do more.
Charlotte next. Elle comments that she looks beautiful. Charlotte replies that she’s trying to be more sexy for Julien. So barking up the wrong tree there, sweetie. The panel agree she looks sexy grudgingly. It works though, and Julien thinks that it’s the best picture he’s ever seen of her. I agree. He thinks it looks like an American Vogue Alice In Wonderland shoot. Elle asks Bernard what he sees. He thinks it’s good that she managed to stand on ground that wasn’t flat and made the dress look good. Charley has to say that she’s lucky to have got that shot because she struggled the most.
Charlotte is asked why she wants to be one of the final three. She says she’s not going to cry but she totally is. Grace settles in to watch. She says that when she was at school she didn’t fit in. She really struggled to understand why she was around girls that got everything. She loves modelling, not only can she do it, she’s learning how to do more so to be stood where she is is a dream come true and she doesn’t want it to finish, she wants to keep learning. Charley tells her well done.
Finally, Joy. She’s pushing her tree up in her photo. It’s the kind of pose she would have used as an example in a joke about modelling in the first few weeks. Elle asks Grace about the shot from a stylist’s perspective. Grace says that to her, the girl she saw in the first few weeks had burnt hair and funny poise and not anybody would guess from the shot that she wasn’t aristocracy. Julien thinks her back is weird and she looks awkward. She looks like she’s pushing the tree like a monster and not a princess. It’s OK, but not her best. Julien tells her that if anyone deserves to win it’s her because she’s done so well to make it this far. She should stick with and be strong and she can do it. Joy starts crying and shows some very badly fake tanned hand action.
Elle remarks that she really wants it. It’s Joy’s begging section! I’m so looking forward to this. She never thought she could do anything like this, she didn’t believe in herself. She also wants to do it for her family and to prove everyone that was nasty to her wrong.
Pah. *cancels the T Shirts”
Grace is proud of her too. Elle remarks that it’s taken a lot of courage to get this far.
Elle remarks on the tension in the room, but when the panel return, they will be finding out which three girls will be walking in the catwalk show.
Elle reminds the judges that they have to make the difficult decision about who goes home. Julien fell in love with Alisha from the moment he saw her and falls in love with her more each week. Bernard thinks she’s amazing in person. Grace thinks she has the potential to win. Elle thinks Charlotte’s awkward when she poses. Julien thinks that she looks like beauty in paradise. All the fashion designers love Tiffany. Bernard puts in a good word for her hair. Charley thinks she has come so far in the competition and she has lots to offer. Julien can’t make his mind up about her. Grace tells us that even as a big gob, Joy renders her speechless. Julien thinks she looks expensive in expensive clothes. Elle tells the judges that they have to decide which three girls are right to move to the next stage of the competition. I think that means they won’t just be judging on this weeks photographs.
Elle believes that she has the best four girls in the competition in front of her. Yes, Elle. That’s the point of the competition. She is proud of them. She’s only got three photos in her hand though.
Tiffany is called first. She’s followed by Joy.
Alisha and Charlotte step forward. Elle’s only got one photo and it belongs to Alisha. Charlotte and Elle hug it out. Elle tells her she did a good job, and she’s going to do so much more. Elle then does a little cry. I don‘t think she‘s entirely happy with the decision. Charlotte grins and curtseys on her way out.
Charlotte always said that she would come there and enjoy it and do the best she could. She did. She’s enjoyed every second and did the best she could. It’s emotional because she put so much in and didn’t get what she wanted, but she’ll keep pushing forward. She doesn’t know who’s going to win and she doesn’t want to guess. She thinks they need to work really hard because they are in the final. Despite sore feet, mosquito bites, late nights and early mornings they need to smile because she’d die to be in the final. As illogical as that is.
Join Steven next week for a very special beach photoshoot, pressure for Joy in the finale preparations (plus some very whacky walking from Alisha) and the judges doing something they have never done before. Woo!