Top Five - 6th September 2010
Hello! Welcome to the 10th week of Britain’s Next Top Model. As usual, we begin with the recaps. The girls have their first beauty shoot, Tiffany cries because she’s in the same room as Elle, because that’s never happened before and Olivia cries because she refuses to launch herself of a 20ft scaffolding tower with no notice, which ultimately leads to her downfall
This week! The tables get turned and the girls take some photographs. SURPRISE, some people aren’t very good at it, giving Nicky The Rage, which I assume is similar to Alisha’s fire. George Lamb pops by for a magazine shoot and we are promised Terry O’Neill and a room full of rugby players for another shoot, during which the having the pleasure of Elle’s company proves to make it high pressure.
Credits!
Back at the top model house, we know that a sad bit is coming up because there is sad music. Alisha interviews that when she read Olivia’s letter, she was “drawn back”. I have no Idea what it means either. It reads - “To all my five remaining beauties, all I’ve got to say is four words - I told you so”.
Joy interviews that although she liked the girl, she’s not going to miss Olivia, or anyone else, because it’s “a competition for Christ’s sake”. Very refreshing to hear that you remember, Joy.
The letter continues “Alisha, you’re stunning both inside and out. Don’t let no one get you down…*something unintelligible*”. Alisha said that her letter showed that people do have a heart in the house. Amelia says that she’s really sad when Alisha was reading Olivia’s letter, because they were really close. Joy interviews that she thought “Another letter, another day, get over it.” I love Joy, I want her on every reality show.
We now have some interviews. Charlotte is cheering and dancing because she’s in the final five. Tiffany notes that they have all made it to the final five and whatever happens they all should be happy to be there - she is at least. Alisha is raring to go, and we are promised again that the much fabled fire is coming.
An E-Mail arrives. It reads “To my final five girls, congratulations on getting this far in the competition. Tomorrow, the tables will turn and we’ll get to see exactly how much you have learned along the way. Be ready by 9am Love, Elle” Amelia makes a face. Charlotte makes a confused face in her interview. Alisha thinks that the tables turning may mean that they are going to swap roles. Well done Alisha! That’s some awesome powers of deduction there! Tiffany is thrown and Ameila sucks in her cheeks. Amelia interviews that whatever it is, she’s going to give it her best because she’s in the final five now. Joy reminds us that if you want to win it, you’ve got to pull everything out of the bag this week.
The house fades to dark, and in the morning, Nicky Johnston arrives. He says hi to all the girls. Joy remembers him as “’him from the fashion academy”. He introduces himself as the photographer from week one. Charlotte, of course, interviews that she LOVES Nicky, but she loves everything, so it doesn’t count. He’s come back today to see if they’ve improved…or not. Alisha interviews that she really likes Nicky, and when she saw him she realised that they were going to be doing something exciting or fun.
Nicky announces that he’s turning the tables today, and he wants the girl to be creative. Amelia makes another face. Using their own styling and their own cameras, their challenge is going to be creating “Amazing” pictures of each other.
Alisha interviews that she doesn’t know how to take a picture properly. Nicky says he will be there to give some guidance, but ultimately it will be their responsibility to create an amazing shot. Alisha looks like she’s literally about to be shot. Tiffany will be photographing Joy, Alisha will be photographing Charlotte, Amelia will be photographing Tiffany, Joy will be photographing Alisha and finally Charlotte will be photographing Amelia. Amelia interviews that it’s going to be a good little challenge.
Tiffany interviews that she’s happy she’s taking photographs of Joy, because Joy doesn’t even have to try to get a good photograph. No bitterness from Tiffany then. Tiffany then goes on to say that when she was choosing clothes for Joy, she wanted to pick something that was going to stand out - picking clothes from the point of view of how they will look in the photograph rather than a modelling point of view. Tiffany tries to give Joy an edgy look. Apparently this means copious blue eyeshadow, bright red lips and some dodgy ringlets. Tiffany asks Joy if she’s nervous, and Joy replies through gritted teeth that she’s excited. Nicky approaches her and asks if she’s decided what she’s going to do. She replies that she wants to take her photos outside because there’s good natural light. Marvellous sucking up there Tiffany! Gold star. Nicky looks suitably impressed with this, remarking that Tiffany has thought about what she is doing and he is barely able to contain his surprise. They chose a wall and bring out some mannequins. Nicky interviews that Tiffany was good because she knew she had limited time but she still wanted to try as many things as possible. Tiffany explains that she placed the mannequins as though Joy was breaking them. Joy looks unsure in her interview, but she thinks that she followed Tiffany’s direction. She thinks that when she was told to move, she was doing it enough. Nicky suggests Joy screams, and she does so, underwhelmingly. Nicky calls her out on this, calling it pathetic. Tiffany interviews that she found the challenge really cool and she loved it - not as much as modelling, but it was still a good experience. Nicky thinks Tiffany has amazing potential but she just has to come out of her shell a bit more. Nicky asks Tiffany if she’s happy with the shoot, and Tiffany graciously replies that she thought Joy did really well.
Alisha then interviews that when she was told that she was paired with Charlotte, her first thought was “Oh, *bleep*” for reasons unknown. Charlotte interviews that the outfit Alisha gave her is one that she would have picked for her model if she’d have gone first. Alisha explains to Charlotte that she’s not getting any accessories, because the dress is embellished, and she will grease up her bare legs for the shot. Nicky asks Alisha to talk him through her shot. Alisha explains that she will be using the big shoe, but Charlotte won’t be standing in it, oh no, she will be leaning on it and sitting on it. Nicky interviews that Alisha is bolshy, but he likes that. Alisha then explains to Nicky that she has everything ready in case Charlotte needs to be touched up, and she reminds Nicky that she is doing Makeup, Hair Styling and taking photographs. Yes Alisha, that’s the challenge. Nicky is impressed that she thought about all those things. I think he’s been watching. Nicky interviews that the makeup was horrific and the styling didn’t work but Charlotte was great in terms of positioning. He goes on to say that Alisha has an air of self confidence that’s quite shocking, but he wants to look at the pictures to see if it’s justified.
Amelia interviews that she was “landed” when she found out she was taking photographs of Tiffany because they’re really close and she’s a bang on model. Amelia says that when she was doing the styling, she was trying to get it as edgy and pixie-like as possible. Amelia isn’t sure if Tiffany’s shoes will fit, but Tiffany is going to make them fit. Tiffany interviews that when she saw her outfit she was really excited because she wanted a chance to show that she can be versatile. Nicky asks Amelia what the plan is. Amelia explains that because Tiffany is a Kooky model, she wants to take a photograph of her drinking tea for one, looking at a plastic dog and being sad. Nicky interviews that he didn’t get the concept of the dog and the teapot. We see him putting the same conundrum to Amelia who’s only explanation is that Tiffany is dressed “Quite edgy” so hopefully it will work, and she will get rid of the dog if necessary. Amelia interviews that she had a very specific idea in her head. Nicky interviews that Amelia had Tiffany standing full length and Amelia kept moving back to get her in, and didn’t realise that you could turn the camera vertically. The noise of the mass facepalm at this could be heard all around Britain at 9.08 pm. Nicky demonstrates for Amelia and she finds it a lot easier to get Tiffany in the frame. Nicky’s not expecting her to be a photographer, that’s not what’s being tested, but Amelia gave him rage. We see Nicky stop Amelia mid shoot to tell her that he was getting the rage. Once the dam was broken and he’d decided to interfere, Nicky removed the dog, the teapot and the stools. and pointed out some of the other things that he didn’t like, such as being unable to see Tiffany’s legs. Amelia interviews that she loved the dog, and that was the prop she wanted to use. Tiffany interviews that she got no direction from Amelia. Amelia interviews that she didn’t think she impressed Nicky. O RLY? Nicky interviews that Amelia taking her photographs was the most uncomfortable ten minutes of his life. Amelia thinks Nicky thought she was an idiot. Not just Nicky, sweetheart. Amelia says that she enjoyed the challenge, and thinking about what photographers have to deal with. She thanks Nicky and Tiffany. Nicky’s just glad it’s over.
Next up, Joy’s photographing Alisha. Alisha interviews that she doesn’t like the dress Joy picked for her. Alisha remembers that the first time she was partnered with Joy, Joy won the challenge because of her (I think she’s talking about the Hollyoaks challenge, for those without Alisha’s long memory) Alisha says she’s going to have to shut her mouth and get on with it [chance would be a fine thing - Steve], because every time she helps Joy, she ends up winning and it beeps her off. Joy explains to Nicky that she’s going to photograph Alisha on the dining table from the balcony. Alisha interviews that it was a wicked idea, and wonders why she didn’t think of it. Joy interviews that she thought Nicky was pleased with her choice. Nicky tells Alisha she looks hot. He interviews that Joy picked the same angles he would have chosen. He also says that Joy is the first one to be enthusiastic and can hold a camera. He’s happy that she enjoyed herself doing it, and that she wasn’t traumatised. He thinks that she’s picked up more from the shoots she’s been doing than the others and she’s done an amazing job.
Next up is Charlotte photographing Amelia. Amelia interviews that her outfit was horrendous and it was like a “nightie slash sack”. Charlotte thinks Amelia can work it. Charlotte explains to Nicky that she wants the shoot to be about Amelia and her expressions so she’s chosen a plain white background. Nicky interviews that Charlotte knew exactly what she wanted. Charlotte interviews that she wasn’t sure if it was her fault or Amelia’s fault, but when she told Amelia to look angry her expression didn’t change. It’s clearly Amelia’s fault, Charlotte. She’s pulling the same face she’s pulled in every photograph so far. She doesn’t have another one. Nicky tells Amelia to think horrible thoughts, yet her expression still doesn’t change. Nicky interviews that Charlotte is a sweet girl who gave lots of direction, but she didn’t get anything back.
Nicky gathers the girls in the lounge for feedback. Each girl inexplicably has their best shot of themselves, chosen by their photographer, because that’s logical. Joy is first. Her shot of her is ok, Nicky thinks she looks good and Joy likes it. Nicky tells JOY well done and she in turn thanks Tiffany. Charlotte next, she looks like, to quote Glee, a sad clown hooker. Charlotte interviews that she really likes it. Nicky thinks it’s strong. Tiffany pulls a face when she sees hers. It’s not a good face. You can’t actually see Tiffany, only her clothes and her lips. She interviews that when she saw the shot, she didn’t know what to think. Nicky congratulates her on her body position, but informs Amelia that the effect that she got was due to a fault with the camera rather than her photographic genius. Alisha next, she says “Woah” when she sees her shot. She tells Nicky that if Joy had chosen one of the shots with her lying on the table, it would have been different for her, but she’s happy with the way she looks in the picture. Finally, Amelia. She thinks the photo is good, but interviews that the she didn’t think the shot had any Va Va voom. And the episode 10 award for lack of self awareness goes to…Amelia! Well done pet. Nicky thinks it’s ok, he wouldn’t say it’s fantastic. Charlotte gives Amelia the dirtiest of dirty looks.
Now to the winner. The winner receives not one, not two, but three cameras that actually look like video cameras. [Most random prize ever. Who needs three cameras? - Steve] Nicky tells Joy that when he first met her at the model academy, he felt that she was quiet and unconfident, but today she was a totally different person, and if she’d have picked one of the shots of Alisha on the table she’d have been the winner. Joy interviews with a “look at what you could have won” sentiment. Charlotte interviews that Joy was pissed off, Tiffany says “bad luck” in her interview and dissolves into an evil cackle. She’s laughing because she is the winner! She can’t believe that she’s won not one, not two but three cameras. We don’t find out whether she shared them. I’m guessing she didn’t. She’s happy she’s won, because she needs to step up. Joy does her best to look gracious, and fails.
E-Mail time! Joy reads “Ladies, tomorrow you will all be in good Company. Be ready to leave at 8am Love, Elle Kiss”. They quickly deduce that this means Company magazine. Charlotte reminds everyone that it’s big pressure, because the winner will get a CoverAndASixPageSpread. That’s how I hear it in my head now. They’ve got to do good!
Coming up! Make Up! George Lamb!
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After the break, we have some LondonPorn, and the girls arrive at the Company Magazine offices to be met by Victoria White, the Editor. She reminds the girls that the winner will be on the cover. Alisha interviews that it’s every models dream to be on the cover of a magazine. Victoria White introduces Kirsty Hathaway who is HER fashion editor, and she will be keeping an eye on the girls today. Joy’s rictus grin is a sight to behold here. Kirsty wants the girls to be aware of the standard they are looking for and for them to show what they have learned over the last ten weeks. She sends them off to hair and makeup and we have the obligatory montage.
Alisha interviews that when she was in hair and makeup, she started to feel more in the role of the *air quotes* cover girl. Amelia interviews that the styling was the favourite she’s had so far on the show. Tiffany interviews that she loved her outfit, she can’t complain about one bit of it. Charlotte is, wait for it, VERY EXCITED and she LOVED IT. Joy thinks it’s “one of the best stylings” but she did feel a bit slutty.
Victoria comes in the room and tells them that they all look amazing, but there’s one thing that she hasn’t told them about the shoot. They won’t be posing by themselves, they’ve brought someone in to help them out. George Lamb! He pokes his head round the door and says hello. In a rare moment of self awareness he introduces himself as a prop. Joy seems very excited in her interview. He congratulates them all on making the final five, and hopes they can have some fun. Charlotte interviews that George made her even more nervous. Victoria tells them that Kirsty is waiting for them upstairs, reminds them all to be nice to George and wishes them luck.
Amelia is up first and is introduced to George again. She interviews that she was nervous. George goes in for a kiss. She interviews that it was nice working with George and says that he was a real gentleman. Kirsty says that she loves a redhead and Amelia has beautiful porcelain skin. Amelia says she always tries to follow direction, as it appears to be very important. Cut to the exasperated photographer very nearly shouting at her. The photographer is Simon Lipman. He lies when interviewed that Amelia followed direction really well, but a bit less so towards the end. That’s better Simon. Amelia says that she never comes out of the shoots satisfied, she felt she could have done more and needed more time, but it’s the nature of the competition they are in.
Charlotte next. She is introduced to George and sticks out her hand for him to shake. He goes in for two kisses and apologises for being a “bit slimy”, apparently because of hair gel. Charlotte interviews that the client wanted her to be relaxed and sexy. It was weird because she’s used to doing angles and poses. The photographer wanted her to be relaxed. He thought she was fantastic, she was mature and calculated. She went straight into it and was really relaxed around George. He can’t find fault in her. Kirsty from Company thinks that she was easy, natural, comfortable and photogenic. They are all really thrilled about her. She interviews that she wanted it to keep going, she loved every minute of it.
Next up is Tiffany. George doesn’t give her a kiss. Perhaps he is scared. [Maybe it's the hair. - Steve] Tiffany interviews that the set was really relaxed and comfortable. I hope that Tiffany is in no way suggesting that any of the previous photoshoots have in any way been contrived. It’s just coincidence that the first shot that they’ve done for a proper magazine has been different to all the made up shots that they have done previously. Isn’t it Tiffany? ISN’T IT TIFFANY?! Simon the photographer thought she needed more direction than the other girls, but facially and visually she’s absolutely stunning. Tiffany interviews that George was really nice and it wasn’t intimidating working with him because he was really nice. Kirsty wasn’t sure about her looks at first, but she really pulled through and showed them something interesting. She really enjoyed the shoot.
George practically starts rubbing his legs at the arrival of Alisha, but she doesn’t get the kiss either. Alisha also remarks that the set was comfortable, and not quiet and tense like the other ones. Alisha complains in her interview that George was shouting at her throughout the shoot and even though she wanted to chat with him, she couldn’t because she was there to do a job. He was there to look pretty and she was there to win something and she didn’t know whether he understood that or not. Simon thinks Alisha was fantastic. Kirsty feels that she was unfazed by George and gave a really strong shoot. Out of all of the photos taken, there is hardly a bad one of Alisha. She hopes she got the shot, she needs the shot because she doesn’t want to go home. She says that she had a good time.
Finally, it’s Joy. Joy has been given the hat off of a Mr Morgan Organ. She is introduced to George who goes in for a kiss this time. Simon wants her to be vacant and nonchalant. Shouldn’t be too much of a stretch for Joy. She interviews that she was trying to pull off a look that was worthy of a magazine cover, whilst trying to listen to the direction that she was given. Simon thinks she’s really beautiful, but she wasn’t moving in the way he wanted her to move and she didn’t look natural in front of the camera. Kirsty says that she was most excited about Joy when she saw her but she was frustrating on set because she wasn’t listening. Joy hopes Kirsty thought she’s got good model potential and that she was professional. Kirsty thinks Joy’s got a good model look but it was frustrating to say the least.
Coming up! Terry O’Neill, Rugby Boys! Elle arrives on set!
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We’re back! The girls arrive at the next location. Joy knows that it’s a rugby club. Tiffany has heard of the Wasps and knows that they are a big rugby team. Alisha sees the wasp and thinks that perhaps they have arrived at a beehive and she’s going to get stung. Charlotte interviews that she had a miniature heart attack that she was perhaps going to be a cheerleader, could you imagine? Alisha says the same thought crossed her mind. All that Amelia can say is “here we go again”. Can anyone shed some light on why she is still here?
The girls line up on the pitch to be introduced to Terry O’Neill, the famous photographer. Everyone pretends that they know who he is. Joy interviews that they are working with someone good. Alisha interviews that they’ve got to do their best and that that there is no messing around. Terry O’Neill has photographed Naomi Campbell, Kate Moss, Elizabeth Taylor and Audrey Hepburn, so the girls better be on their toes. Charlotte interviews that she was a little bit starstruck and it was EXCITING to meet him, because he’s AMAZING. Terry wants the girls to look beautiful AND stunning, and there is going to be some of his friends lifting them in the air. The Wasps themselves. Joy says she couldn’t stop laughing because she was looking at their thighs. Alisha says that Joy forgot about her boyfriend and was all “come and get me”. Tiffany confesses that Charlotte was nearly on her knees. Alisha thinks Charlotte would have got naked if she was told to. Charlotte rubs her hands together and shouts “Rugby Boys”
Terry tells them again that these are the London Wasps and they will be lifting them in the air and give him a great feature. He wishes everyone luck and we have another hair and makeup montage. Joy is wearing a stunning red dress and tells the stylist that she feels very nice and silky. She interviews that she’s never overly confident but she’s never nervous on her photoshoots because they are her strong point. She’s really excited because they have been starved of men. Joy tells us in voiceover that it was a bit weird when she walked on set because there was eight guys who were supposed to be lifting her but the room was filled with rugby players who were ogling her, then they saw Elle, who she wasn’t expecting. Elle tells her she looks gorgeous. Elle explains that she’s come today because she wants to see the girls work and she wants to see the progress that they have made since they last worked together. Plus she wanted to see the gorgeous rugby players. Elle explains that she wants to see Joy lying across the rugby players, and asks Joy if it’s ok for them to touch her. Joy makes an OF COURSE face. Joy interviews that she was glad Elle was there to see them doing the actual photo shoots. If they don’t impress her, they are going home. Elle says that she loves watching Joy work because she’s really professional and she really gets it. She understands her body and the light and she looks beautiful in the dress. Joy interviews that she thought that it was interesting working with Terry because he didn’t say much. She isn’t sure if this is a good thing or a bad thing, but she hopes that if it was really bad he would have said something. Terry doesn’t think that she’s a winner because she hasn’t got control of her head. Something that most of us master at a few months old. But she photographs well which is half of it. Elle said she did well and interviews that she was a 100% working model. Joy said she really enjoyed it, but her boyfriend is going to hate her.
Alisha tells us that her dress was phenomenal. It was the VaVaVoom. She walked on set and knew she would see Terry, but was surprised to see Elle. She tells us that it was more pressure, because not only does she have to perform in front of Terry, she has to perform in front of Elle. She isn’t sure what she’s going to do. She decides that she is going to impress Elle. Alisha is also being lifted up by the rugby players. Terry assures her that they won’t drop her. She interviews that she’s usually fine around boys, describing herself as a hard nut, but she says that the rugby players turned her into a marshmallow. You could have squeezed her. [Or stuck here on a stick and held her over a naked flame. - Steve] The boys ask her about her previous shoots. She plays with her hair and tells them she was nude in a blizzard in Norway. She interviews that they turned her shy and she couldn’t look at them. She didn’t know what was wrong with her, but the boys looked like massive beef burgers. Another of the rugby players admires her dress and tells her that they love the jewels. She says in interview that it was totally obvious they were talking about her breasts. She thinks Terry is nice, straightforward and quick. Terry likes that Alisha followed all his directions which worked out really good. Terry thinks Alisha has a good chance and that she’s a good model. Elle thinks Alisha has enormous potential. She has an incredibly beautiful body. Alisha believes she worked really hard, especially since she had a wig, which she’s not used to. She has to see her picture to know how she’s done.
Amelia is up next. The stylist is introduced to us as Giles Pearson [from Project Catwalk! - Steve] who introduces Amelia to her dress. Giles tells Amelia that instead of being a pure white skinned girl, she’s going to be a sexy woman. Amelia says she knows she’s got to work hard. Giles doesn’t disagree. Amelia interviews that when she walked on set she was on another planet, it was too much to take in. She says it took her a while to get into the shoot as the lads were a bit off putting. Elle tells her her dress makes her legs look shorter than they are. Amelia interviews that Elle gave her a lot of direction, which wasn’t a bad thing as she was probably there to give the direction. Elle interviews that Amelia is mature, and she likes that about her. I don’t think she’s referring to the oldface, but confesses that she thinks she still hasn’t found what works best for her. Terry thinks Amelia is great, he didn’t think much of her when she first walked in but when he studied her closely he could see she was like a fifties movie star, as opposed to a movie star in her fifties. Amelia says that it is important to get a good image at this stage of the competition and she hopes she’s pulled something out of the bag over the other girls.
Tiffany is excited, she can’t believe she’s shooting with Terry O’Neill because she knows who he is. Elle barely recognises her. Tiffany interviews that when she walked on set she was really surprised to see Elle standing there, but it was good for her to have the opportunity to see them. Tiffany is sitting on the back of a rugby player. Elle thinks that she needs to do what she wanted to do in the position she was in. Tiffany interviews that she did try to put her own feedback into the picture, but every time she did what she wanted to do, Elle stopped her and told her to do something else and she realised she was never going to win. I don’t think you can either. Elle barks orders at Tiffany who complies and is told that it’s not right. Elle interviews that she wants to see Tiffany surprise her, but she hasn’t been surprised yet. Tiffany just hopes that Elle thinks she’s good enough to be here.
Charlotte, surprisingly, LOVES her dress. Giles tells her that it’s a Julien MacDonald. Charlotte thinks that this is interesting. She interviews that Julien told her that she needed to lose some weight so that she could fit into his dresses. Giles thinks she’s going to wipe the smirk off his face. I wouldn’t like to be Giles when Julien catches up with them. It fits perfectly and Charlotte does a happydance, both on camera and in her interview. She interviews that her initial reaction to Elle being there was “Oh my god” but then she realised that it was good because Elle could see how much they’d progressed, so the nerves turned into, you guessed it, EXCITEMENT. She LOVED every minute of it. It was FANTASTIC. Charlotte has to jump while the boys growl. Terry thinks that Charlotte was pretty good. He explains that Charlotte has a different kind of shot because he was getting fed up of the boys just standing there so he put some action in. Elle interviews that she is a big fan of Charlotte. She has lots of energy and confidence to do lifting shots that the other girls feel out of control with. Charlotte interviews that she was gutted when the shoot finished, she was standing in a gym with Elle and Terry, why wouldn’t she want to carry on?
Back at the Top Model house, there is another E-Mail, this time read by Tiffany. “Hi Girls, tomorrow you will meet with the judges, only four of you will continue towards becoming Britain’s Next Top Model. One of you will be eliminated. Love, Elle”. Amelia was expecting it, because it happens every week. Joy interviews that based on her performance throughout the week she deserves to stay, but she doesn’t know whether the judges will feel the same. Tiffany interviews that she has the potential to win and Charlotte says that it is like, everything now, and she has to stay, and it can’t end for Alisha yet. Charlotte cries because it’s really important and she doesn’t want to go.
Coming up! Elle picks her favourite shot from the competition, Julien thinks someone is an amazing girl, but it’s a shame they don’t know it and Grace thinks people are going to see something and say “Oh my God”, Charley thinks something is brilliant and the Judges have found it difficult this week.
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The girls arrive in the judging room. Elle welcomes them and reminds them that there is only five of them left. Just in case they can’t count. I wouldn’t bank on it either, Elle. She introduces the judges. I notice that all of the judges are defined by their achievements apart from Charley, who is just “the Gorgeous”. Poor Charley. The guest panellist is Terry O’Neill. We hear the prizes again.
Elle reminds them that they’ve had an interesting week - two shoots and a chance to photograph each other.
Amelia is up first. In her best rugby shot she is pulling the usual Amelia face but this time with her legs in a slightly different position. Elle says she knows it was a hard dress and that she was bossy with her but it’s a great shot. Julien is not surprised by the photograph because when she’s made to look like a gorgeous, glamorous, sexy woman it works for her. We see her best shot from the magazine shoot. Again she is pulling the Amelia face. Charley says that sometimes the hardest shoots are the simpler ones, because you’ve got to make it work with nothing to work with. It’s left at that, perhaps for the best.
Charlotte next. Her best rugby shot is out of focus as far as I can see. Elle thinks that she’s done really well. Terry says that she was the most active of the models, which is probably faint praise because she was the only one required to be active. Julien thinks that when she adopts the Amazonian, beautiful character, men just think she’s gorgeous, and she is. Charlotte’s magazine shoot is fine as far as I can see, but Grace believes that fashion editorial is the chink in her armour. Charley disagrees, he loves the shot and thinks it shows a different side to her.
Joy belle is next up. Her rugby shot is stunning, but not very active. Elle explains she couldn’t do much apart from stand there and look gorgeous, even though we all saw her being lifted by the rugby boys. Terry thinks that the best thing that Joy’s got going for her, but she doesn’t use her body, completely contradicting Elle earlier. Charley tells her that she’s got to listen to Terry, because although he really likes the shot, she’s got to bring more to the table on a shoot. Her magazine shoot is stunning. Julien thanks God that fashion has arrived. He thinks she’s an amazing girl, but it’s a shame that she doesn’t know it.
Joy is followed by Alisha. Her rugby shoot is terrible. Elle says that when Alisha walked into the room, it was a showstopping moment. Julien thinks that she goes beyond a model in the shot and that she looks like a superstar. Terry thinks that she will do quite well at modelling and she shouldn’t worry. Her magazine shoot is beautiful. Grace just says “Oh yeah”, Charley thinks it’s superb. It’s Elle’s favourite shot from the competition. Alisha looks like she’s about to cry. Charley thinks it’s the first example of someone making George work. Grace thinks people will see the shot and say oh my God, look at this girl. Julien thinks her body is lickable, loveable and huggable and she’s got it going on.
Finally, Tiffany. She looks bored in her rugby shot. Grace would have liked to see her work the boys more, because she can with her personality and she thinks that it’s just a bit flat. Julien doesn’t think that it’s her. It definitely is Julien, she’s just got different hair. He says he doesn’t like the girl but he likes the picture. Charley likes that she’s tried something different. Everyone is excited to see Tiffany’s magazine shoot. It’s good. The judges are happy to see the girl that they have been waiting for. Julien’s block has been knocked off. Charley thinks that it is really good, the edginess has gone and we are left with a stunning girl owning the shot. Terry says well done and Elle says that it is her favourite picture of Tiffany so far.
Elle says that it’s now time for the judges to deliberate. When they come back we will find out who will be leaving. Elle begins the deliberation by saying that they’ve got a really hard decision to make. It’s really hard to know how they are going to get rid of another girl. Charley thinks Amelia has got a lot better. Julien has always liked her because she’s the dark horse of the competition. She’s got 106 lives and she always gets through. It’s a mystery to us too, Julien. Terry thinks that she’s beginning to blossom now. I don’t believe for a minute that Terry has been watching, but I’ll go with it.
Julien’s always been torn with Charlotte, and he feels that they have a love/hate relationship. I think this means Julien hates her and Charlotte LOVES everything. Elle agrees. Julien thinks she’s a normal pretty girl but isn’t sure if she’s a supermodel. Terry doesn’t think she has it, and that there is a problem with her proportions. Elle thinks she photographs well but her height is an issue. What? Why hasn’t this been mentioned before?
Terry thinks that if Joy can learn to use her body by the end of the competition, she could win it. Julien thinks she needs to be more confident and learn to believe in herself because if she did she could be a fantastic model. Grace thinks that she is like a time bomb, let herself go and then the judges could be blown away by her.
Suddenly, out of nowhere, Alisha’s rugby photograph is a miss, despite them loving it earlier (see a few paragraphs up). Elle says that when she gets it she blows everybody away, but when she doesn’t get it, she really doesn’t get it. Terry thinks that Alisha will always make a good model. Grace thinks the long hair makes her look really mainstream, like an old, bad popstar but she looks amazing in the magazine shoot.
They all love Tiffany’s magazine shot. Charley thinks it’s the strongest shot. Terry would pick Tiffany out of the five, if he had to.
So who stays? There are five photographs in her hand representing those still in the running. Alisha is called first, followed by Tiffany then Amelia who looks more shocked than me. Elle comments she doesn’t look happy, she just didn’t expect it.
Charlotte and Joy are in the bottom two. Elle explains that the judges have found it hard to decide who needs to go and who deserves to stay. They’ve decided they both need to go…DRAMATIC PAUSE…they need to go home and pack their bags…DRAMATIC PAUSE…Because they’re all going to Malaysia. Worst. Elimination. Fakeout. Ever. [For reals. Tyra did it better. - Steve]
The elimination room is filled with Malaysian dancers whilst the girls dry their eyes. The end. [Again, kind of underwhelming. This is how you do your overseas reveal, folks. - Steve]
Join Steven next week for the girls arriving in Malaysia, which is already Alisha’s highlight, Amelia having yet another disaster on a rooftop photo shoot and the girls meeting the actual Jimmy Choo.
Monday, 13 September 2010
Sunday, 5 September 2010
Spring forward, fall back
Top 6: 30th August 2010
Previously: the girls went to Norway, and screamed. They had their pictures taken on a glacier. Kirsty was eliminated, because there's only room for one massive bitch in this competition, and Alisha's already got that one all sewn up.
Yet to come: the girls come face to face with Elle Macpherson and act like this is somehow novel, and leap off some scaffolding. OR DO THEY? There can only be one Britain's Next Top Model, y'know. Titles!
Night time at Model Manor: the girls gather to read Kirsty's goodbye note. Alisha doesn't think anyone will miss Kirsty. The testimonies from the other girls seem to back this up. Kirsty's letter is the usual standard "keep going, you can do it stuff" until we get to the PS, which is epic: "I took Nicky's letter because it means alot [sic] to me but when you get out you'll all find an e-mail with a copy." Two minutes into the programme, and Alisha's having a hissyfit already: "E-mail?? It's not the same!" Apparently we're supposed to disregard the fact that Nicky's letter was pretty much addressed to Kirsty specifically, because Alisha wants to see Nicky's handwriting and is annoyed that the carefully-spaced collection of letters on the fridge will now be unequal. She has apparently mistaken this competition for Britain's Next Top Severe Case Of OCD. Tiffany, quite sensibly, doesn't see the problem and essentially thinks that "people" are making a fuss because they're bored.
Later, there is E-Mail, read by Joy: "Girls, make sure you get your beauty sleep tonight, because tomorrow there's nowhere to hide. It's time to face facts, ladies, the camera never lies." Alisha jumps for joy at the prospect of doing a photoshoot with no make-up, while everyone else looks at her like she's just arrived from Io. "Aren't you lot excited?" she asks incredulously, and Olivia gives a half-hearted "yeah!" while everyone else continues to wonder what the likelihood is of Alisha being kidnapped in the night and never returning. [The producers would never let it happen, she gives far to good soundbite - Helen] Alisha interviews that she's excited about doing a make-up free shoot because she hates make-up. Excellent career choice she's made in that case. Amelia is less excited, because the stress of the competition has given her eczema. Glamorous! Joy thinks Alisha will do well if it is a make-up free shoot, because she has flawless skin, while Alisha babbles on about the storm that is coming. I hope she doesn't mean this one.
The next day, the girls arrive at Revlon HQ, where they're met by marketing manager Sarah Harper, who wants to understand how the girls can best portray their brand. By going on a reality show and talking about how much they hate make-up, perhaps? They'll be doing a beauty shoot for Revlon, to celebrate their new Colour Burst lipstick. The girls go to get their faces made-up, and they all talk about how important it is to impress the Revlon people. Photographer Hugh O'Malley shoots Charlotte first, who says that she was confident, but it wasn't coming across. Sarah doesn't like Charlotte's mouth, and Charlotte thinks it went downhill from there. Afterwards, Sarah thinks that Charlotte got it towards the end, but it was a struggle. Amelia's next, and says that she felt really nervous, and "it came on like a rash". Hugh asks Amelia to change her hand placement, and it's getting to the point now where I'm starting to think that Amelia's hands should get their own spot in the credits. [She was Vogueing. Actually Vogueing - Helen] Amelia comes off set and says that she didn't like it, which Charlotte points out in an interview is something that Amelia does all the time. Amelia thinks her picture is coming across as "transvestite". In fairness, considering the sheer amount of brightly-coloured make-up that's on all of the girls for the shoot, they all look like they should be operating after midnight in King's Cross. Alisha goes in next, and was trying hard to portray "modern" and "confident", which seems to go down well with Hugh. Alisha says again that she doesn't like make-up much (way to endear yourself to the sponsors!) but she actually liked the way she looked in the end. Hugh says that Alisha was a pleasure to work with. Alisha comes out and says that hers went well; Charlotte and Amelia look horrified. Tiffany's in next, and likes the colours that she was given because they suited her skintone. Unlike her hairdo [Harsh but fair, Steve - Helen]. Afterwards, Hugh wonders if she was too editorial. Olivia flails, because she "can't do beauty", she tells us. There's really nothing more I can add to that, is there? Hugh was not blown away by her. Joy, as ever, is hilarious: "I was really excited. It's just your face, and I think it sorts people out, because if you can't do facial expression, then you're pretty screwed in modelling." Joy for the judging panel next year, please! Joy struggles with her hands in the shot, though, because apparently she's got "corpse hands" that always needs lots of make-up. Hugh thinks she was beautiful, but lacked energy and enthusiasm.
The girls assemble ready for Sarah to declare the winner. Sarah explains that the winning girl impressed her because she had high energy from the moment she stepped onto the set: Alisha. Alisha interviews that when her name was announced, Charlotte was smiling, "but her eyes were saying 'bitch'." Or, as Tyra Banks would put it, she was 'bizing'. Alisha's reward is to go out for cocktails, and picks Olivia and Tiffany to join her. Are we about to get another "Alisha can't handle her drink" plotline? I do hope so.
Commercials. Uma Thurman is an Alfa Romeo. Does this mean she'll be in Transformers 3?
Model manor, night time. Alisha, Tiffany and Olivia are getting ready to go out, and dancing around like fools. Olivia is excited, because no one's chosen her to share in their prizes yet. This is probably because they, like I, keep forgetting she exists. The girls are taken to The Hoxton Pony, where Alisha invents a cocktail called "Diva-Ish", with a bit of help from the owner. Back at the house, Charlotte is enjoying quiet time with Amelia and Joy. Amelia notes that Charlotte's been a bit quiet since the last elimination, and Charlotte explains that it's because of what Julien said. You know, when he called her a heifer. Getting upset, Charlotte says that she doesn't care, she doesn't want to be a size four. Now, obviously I think Julien's a tool, because who doesn't? But at the same time, it is rather ridiculous to (a) enter a modelling competition on television, and (b) hope to become a professional model, if you're going to get this upset when someone criticises your appearance. Amelia admits in a VT that Charlotte "has put on a few pounds", and that a lot of the girls think so. Over at The Hoxton Pony, the others are discussing the same thing. Olivia suggests, in all seriousness, that Charlotte should be a plus-size model. This is ridiculous. Charlotte is not a plus-size anything. Tiffany and Alisha think that's brutal. Back at the house, Charlotte feels like the biggest girl left because she was singled out by Julien, and says that she's "a pretty sensitive person". She then tells Amelia and Joy that she's "not the biggest girl left". Amelia doesn't like this because "it does infer that other girls are bigger than her." It doesn't 'infer' anything, Amelia. It might 'imply' that, yes, but the only one 'inferring' would be you. Joy confessionalises that Amelia told her that she thinks Charlotte meant that she, Amelia, was the biggest girl left, and OH MY GOD CAN WE JUST END THIS MAD CONVERSATION, NONE OF YOU ARE FAT. Joy senses what I'm feeling: "Jesus Christ, both of you. Just shut up." I heart Joy.
The next day, there is E-Mail. "Girls, we've seen how perform in front of the cameras, but a Top Model also needs character and personality. I want to find out more about the real you. Love Elle xx" The girls wonder if they'll be having one-on-one chats with Elle. Sure enough, Elle arrives a bit later on and the girls all scream. Tiffany's the first person to get a one-to-one chat with Elle, and admits to feeling really nervous. Presumably because she has no guarantees that Elle will be able to understand her without subtitles. I certainly can't half the time. Elle talks to Tiffany about her haircut, and says that it was the best thing that they ever did, because Tiffany wouldn't still be here if they hadn't (burn!). Elle tells Tiffany she thinks it's time she had another haircut. Tiffany: "D:". Tiffany cries because she's overwhelmed by Elle, and gets a hug.
Joy goes in next, and looks rather tense. Joy admits in a post-event VT that she feels like she still didn't get what she's really like across to Elle, because she couldn't actually speak properly. Elle tells Joy that she's beautiful, but she needs to be more free-spirited and less scared. Olivia tells Elle in her chat that the competition is making her see that she can do something and really stick it out, and that being bottom two in the second week gave her the kick up the bum that she deserves. Olivia interviews that at panel she's always being told off for the way she stands or something. Elle tells Olivia that she's there because the team thinks she has what it takes to be there. Charlotte goes in for her chat with Elle, and like everyone else, gets tearful. Elle rebukes Charlotte for trying to cover up her real emotions with a laugh, and Charlotte sniffs that this feels like her last chance to go for it, because she feels like she's too old. Elle tells Charlotte that she was 18 when she started modelling, but she wasn't successful until she was 26. Charlotte gets a hug too.
By this point Alisha is worrying about the number of teary-faced girls emerging from their chats with Elle, and wondering what the hell is going on in there. "Is she beating them?" Alisha wonders. Alisha tells Elle that she's very happy to be there. "Do you think you can win?" Elle asks. "Sometimes," Alisha replies, in a manner that strikes me as rather too deliberately coquettish. Elle tells Alisha that her real-life beauty doesn't translate into her pictures, and that perhaps she's been trying too hard. Amelia heads in. "You look beautiful," Elle tells her. "Thank you. And you," Amelia replies, in that way that people do without really thinking about what they're saying. Elle's all, "well yeah, that's my job." Snerk. Elle tells Amelia that she is "exceptionally beautiful", but Amelia admits that she doubts herself a lot. Elle tells Amelia that whatever she does, her beauty will be an asset, and that she always thought it was more interesting for a girl "to use her beauty rather than to sell her beauty". This segues into a rather odd story about how Elle was going to be a lawyer and win lots of cases because she was so very charismatic. I can only assume she'd have been working for the law firm from Ally McBeal. Amelia says that the conversation helped her to think that it's all been worthwhile, however far she gets in the competition. [I bet the "Elle as a Lawyer" reality show will be on Living by this time next year. Mark my words - Helen]
More ads. I wish Dinner For Schmucks didn't look quite so awful as it does, because I would walk over hot coals for Paul Rudd, but I have to draw the line somewhere.
That night, there is more E-Mail. "Girls, get some rest tonight, because tomorrow the sky's the limit, love Elle." Olivia wonders if they might have to be birds. The next day, they're taken to Pinewood Studios, which Charlotte and Tiffany are very excited about. They enter a giant hanger and are greeted by Grace, who has decided to mark the occasion by dressing as the Bird Lady of Alcatraz. The first thing Joy spots, however, is the ambulance, which she notes with some irony is a reassuring presence. Behind Grace, a man leaps from some scaffolding and lands on a giant crash mat. Grace informs them that they too will be leaping from a height of 20ft for their shoot today. With Grace is today's client, Lisa McWilliam Herbert, who is representing Galaxy Ripple. Lisa explains that they will be conveying the sense of enjoying her chocolate and getting that floaty feeling, "and you literally will be floating because you will be falling from that scaffold." This makes literally no sense for many reasons, the very least of which is that floating and falling are clearly not synonyms. Grace explains that the girl who wins this challenge will be part of their next campaign. Olivia is excited because she's a daredevil, Amelia is rather more nervous. The stuntman explains to the girls that the most important part is to remember to land on your bum, not your feet. I'll say that again: LAND ON YOUR BUM, NOT YOUR FEET. This will be important later.
Charlotte is excited about the prospect of the jump. Alisha decides that "safety mat" is a misnomer, and that she'd rather refer to it as a "death trap". Heh. The girls are all given a practice jump to begin with: Charlotte goes first and plants her bum squarely on the giant X as she lands. "Good old bum," she laughs in an interview. "See, it comes in handy, this big bum." Hee. Joy is atop the scaffolding, and asked what she needs to land on. "My arse," she replies. LOVE HER. Unfortunately, she lands on her feet, and hurts her knees. Alisha needs a bit more time to prepare, but executes an excellent fall in the end. Tiffany freaks, but manages to do the jump. Olivia interviews that she couldn't wait to do her jump, but decided to let Amelia go before her because she was so nervous and wanted to get it over with. Amelia has a meltdown when she gets up there, and when she actually does jump, she gets her form all wrong and lands in a kind of crouch. She informs us in an interview that her knees came up and hit her nose and her right eye. Ooh, ouch. She's taken over to the paramedics and treated for her injuries which, for reasons I can't quite determine, means that Olivia is taken up to the scaffolding, but has to wait for Amelia to emerge from treatment before she can jump. This takes about 20 minutes, which is more than enough time for Olivia to psych herself out completely. Olivia can't actually bring herself to jump when her turn comes and begins to cry. Grace goes up to reassure her and give her a hug, but it's no good for Olivia, who's completely in bits by this point. The stunt co-ordinator tells Olivia that it's now or never, pretty much. "You'll be fine," yells Amelia from the ground; however, this reassurance is somewhat undermined by the giant ice pack she is currently holding to her face. Olivia is given one more shot, but can't do it, and goes back down the lift. She admits that she doesn't know what happened to her up there. Amelia interviews that it doesn't look good for Olivia to have gone to pieces in front of the client and one of the judges, and does not seem to be aware of the part she played in Olivia's downfall. Except maybe that was her plan all along? Maybe Kirsty's giant bitch edit was all an elaborate subterfuge to make us overlook Amelia and her evil plans? The stunt co-ordinator takes the decision not to let Olivia jump at all, because she's so upset that there's a good chance she'll hurt herself in the process.
Charlotte, Joy and Alisha are having their make-up done, and when the other three arrive, they wonder what the hell happened to Olivia and Amelia. Chocolate Ambassador Lisa explains that they're looking for a girl-next-door type, but they have to be professional and relax and get the shop done. Joy goes first and meets with Neal Haynes, the photographer, who warns her that they don't have much time and will only be able to do about three jumps. For some reason they're being shot from on the ground as they jump; now, I'm no professional photographer, but that seems to me to be an impossible angle to get a good shot from. Joy interviews that they were supposed to be conveying the impression of jumping off a building and "floating" to the ground, but that it felt more like "you were walking down the street and just fell down a pothole." Joy jumps, but struggles to achieve the horizontal falling position the client wants, because she admits that she wanted to be able to see she was going to land on the crash mat and not, y'know, break her neck and die. Neal thinks her stance makes her look like Batman. Joy explains that they had to look into the light, but not at the photographer, make sure their hair wasn't in the way, but also look normal. This is actually quite a complicated shoot, basically. Joy jumps again, but the results are not good. Grace thinks she looks "utterly terrified".
Charlotte goes next, and pulls off a rather balletic leap. She interviews that one she realised she could land, she knew she only had a couple of shots to nail the rest of the pose. She really enjoyed it, but isn't sure she's produced a great shot. Alisha's skirt keeps billowing up around her face so all we can see is her knickers, and hits her head as she lands on one of her attempts, which upsets her. Grace thinks she's grimacing in her picture rather than smiling. Tiffany is wearing the absolute worst hairpiece I have ever seen. She looks like she's playing the village wench in an amateur dramatic adaptation of a Thomas Hardy novel. She explains that "the shoot was about the girl next door, and I haven't seen no girl next door with short orange hair." Heh. She's happy about the wig, so that's the main thing, I guess.
Amelia goes next, and is asked by Neal how she feels. "Really nervous!" she shouts from the scaffold. This is apparently not the answer Neal wanted. Amelia says that she felt "like one of those 16th century people, when they're jumping to their death on the lallows". And if that makes any sense to you, you're smarter than I am. After a couple of fluttery false starts, Amelia finally leaps - and lands on her bum this time. Hooray! Although she promptly sits up and apologises to the entire studio, declaring her effort "horrendous". She jumps a few more times, and the results are not inspiring. I will be literally amazed if anyone gets a good shot, because the entire set-up of this shot was ludicrous.
Backstage, the girls deconstruct their day's work. None of them are feeling terribly confident, but Olivia thinks none of them have anything to worry about because at least they went through with it. Back home, there is E-Mail, read by Amelia: "Girls, what an eventful two days. Enjoy your evening because tomorrow it'll be time to find out who has fallen from grace, and will be leaving the competition for good. See you at elimination, love Elle x". Amelia is not expecting it to be easy. Olivia thinks that was the hardest challenge they've ever faced. Alisha prepares to open a can of whup-ass on Julien if he has anything negative to say. Adverts.
Elimination room. The girls troop in, looking like awesome space hookers. Elle introduces the panel, who all get muted "hi"s from the diminished round of contestants. Guest panellist this week is Neal the photographer from the jumping shoot, who is wearing some very nice glasses. Elle runs through the prizes, which I've just realised include "the chance to appear in a Revlon campaign", which sounds awfully vague. I mean, theoretically I've got the chance of appearing in a Revlon campaign, but it's not likely to happen, is it?
Joy is up first. Julien tells her she looks more beautiful in front of him than she does in her beauty picture, which makes her look older than she is. Elle thinks she looks like a young Audrey Hepburn in the picture. Julien disagrees. Charley thinks she should've had more energy behind the eyes, but she has done well. We then have a look at Joy's jumping shot (and, by the way, all of these pictures will feature some spectacularly half-arsed photoshopping to make the girls look like they're actually jumping off a building). Joy's best shot is not great, as Elle wonders if she was pushed rather than jumping. Grace congratulates her for jumping despite being terrified.
Alisha's next, and her beauty shot gets rave reviews. Her falling shot looks mad, however, but Julien admires her professionalism in going through with it. Amelia's beauty shot is nice, but Elle thinks her claims of liking what she sees sound rather hollow. Amelia explains that she had issues on the day so she was expecting the shot to look worse. Grace tells her it's a beautiful picture, and Julien thinks she looks desirable, but Neal isn't sure it's a shot worthy of a top model. Her falling shot is rather awkward, and Elle thinks that Amelia looks like she has soiled herself. Nice. However, Elle is impressed that she got back up after falling and hurting herself. Neal reminds her that it's a big shot for a big campaign, and that she needs to go all out to get the shot.
Olivia is looking defeated, and explains to Elle and the panel that she's normally daring but something took over her at yesterday's shoot. Grace explains to her that if she has to find a way to overcome this, as if it had happened on a job, her agency would've been sued. Olivia cries. Julien says it doesn't necessarily mean that they'll have to eliminate her, as she has potential. They look at her beauty shot, which Julien thinks is beautiful, and Neal sees some Rihanna in there. Tiffany goes next, and Elle doesn't like the angle or expression of Tiffany's shot, and thinks she needs another haircut. Grace tells Tiffany that she needs to think attitude when she's taking a shot, and that this picture is an example of what she shouldn't be doing. Tiffany clarifies with them that they need more quirkiness from her. Her falling shot isn't great either, but the panel think it's the best one they've seen so far.
Finally there's Charlotte. Her beauty shot is lovely, I think, and Grace tells her that she definitely doesn't look fat, which is a rather odd compliment for a face-only beauty shot, but I suspect it's only there so Julien can have a platform to be apologetic as only he can. He tells her not to think that he doesn't like her, because he does, and she's "not too fat", but catwalk models are just a bit slimmer than she is. Which is, essentially, pretty much what he said last week, and in terms of the really insulting things Julien has said this series, it probably wouldn't make the top 10. Her falling shot is decent, and Elle reveals that it was the brand's favourite shot of the day, and it will be used in an upcoming campaign for Galaxy Ripple.
Deliberation time. Julien thinks there's nothing special about Tiffany, and Grace thinks her beauty shot is too "Lady Di". Olivia lacks confidence, and Charley points out that in the real world, your agency would call you beforehand to check that you're okay with jumping 20 feet off some scaffolding onto a crashmat. Which is a very valid point and I'm glad he made it, but at the same time, I think if Olivia had received a call like that, she would've said yes, because it wasn't until Amelia nearly concussed herself with her own limbs that Olivia started to question the sanity of leaping off some scaffolding to make people buy more chocolate. Julien thinks Amelia looks like "an exotic jewellery box". Charley likes to see Alisha looking softer in a beauty shot. Julien doesn't like Joy's beauty shot, but Charley thinks that she's made for beauty shots. Elle likes Charlotte because "she can do a bit of everything"; Julien admits that he didn't like her at first, but "she was a star from the beginning, and she's still here."
So, who gets first call-out this week? Alisha, whose beauty shot Elle absolutely loves. Following her are Charlotte, Amelia, and Joy, which leaves Tiffany and Olivia in the bottom two. Olivia looks like a top model in person, but the light behind her eyes reveals a scared little girl, apparently. Tiffany doesn't look like a top model in person, but works hard every time to get the shot. So who stays, the girl who works hard, or the girl who wastes her potential? Duh. Tiffany gets the last picture, of course, and Olivia gets the boot. Elle tells her that she has the potential to do whatever she wants, and she needs to go home and practice. Back at the house, Olivia admits that she wanted to stay, but she doesn't want to take someone else's spot since she didn't do the freefalling shot. She leaves a note behind her, which includes the phrase "Sorry about spelling", bless her. Olivia troops away from Model Manor, and fades out of the picture.
Next time: the girls turn photographer, but some cope better than others. George Lamb stops buy for a photoshoot, and the girls get their pictures taken in a room full of rugby players. Helen will be walking you through that one, so come back soon to see what she makes of it!
Previously: the girls went to Norway, and screamed. They had their pictures taken on a glacier. Kirsty was eliminated, because there's only room for one massive bitch in this competition, and Alisha's already got that one all sewn up.
Yet to come: the girls come face to face with Elle Macpherson and act like this is somehow novel, and leap off some scaffolding. OR DO THEY? There can only be one Britain's Next Top Model, y'know. Titles!
Night time at Model Manor: the girls gather to read Kirsty's goodbye note. Alisha doesn't think anyone will miss Kirsty. The testimonies from the other girls seem to back this up. Kirsty's letter is the usual standard "keep going, you can do it stuff" until we get to the PS, which is epic: "I took Nicky's letter because it means alot [sic] to me but when you get out you'll all find an e-mail with a copy." Two minutes into the programme, and Alisha's having a hissyfit already: "E-mail?? It's not the same!" Apparently we're supposed to disregard the fact that Nicky's letter was pretty much addressed to Kirsty specifically, because Alisha wants to see Nicky's handwriting and is annoyed that the carefully-spaced collection of letters on the fridge will now be unequal. She has apparently mistaken this competition for Britain's Next Top Severe Case Of OCD. Tiffany, quite sensibly, doesn't see the problem and essentially thinks that "people" are making a fuss because they're bored.
Later, there is E-Mail, read by Joy: "Girls, make sure you get your beauty sleep tonight, because tomorrow there's nowhere to hide. It's time to face facts, ladies, the camera never lies." Alisha jumps for joy at the prospect of doing a photoshoot with no make-up, while everyone else looks at her like she's just arrived from Io. "Aren't you lot excited?" she asks incredulously, and Olivia gives a half-hearted "yeah!" while everyone else continues to wonder what the likelihood is of Alisha being kidnapped in the night and never returning. [The producers would never let it happen, she gives far to good soundbite - Helen] Alisha interviews that she's excited about doing a make-up free shoot because she hates make-up. Excellent career choice she's made in that case. Amelia is less excited, because the stress of the competition has given her eczema. Glamorous! Joy thinks Alisha will do well if it is a make-up free shoot, because she has flawless skin, while Alisha babbles on about the storm that is coming. I hope she doesn't mean this one.
The next day, the girls arrive at Revlon HQ, where they're met by marketing manager Sarah Harper, who wants to understand how the girls can best portray their brand. By going on a reality show and talking about how much they hate make-up, perhaps? They'll be doing a beauty shoot for Revlon, to celebrate their new Colour Burst lipstick. The girls go to get their faces made-up, and they all talk about how important it is to impress the Revlon people. Photographer Hugh O'Malley shoots Charlotte first, who says that she was confident, but it wasn't coming across. Sarah doesn't like Charlotte's mouth, and Charlotte thinks it went downhill from there. Afterwards, Sarah thinks that Charlotte got it towards the end, but it was a struggle. Amelia's next, and says that she felt really nervous, and "it came on like a rash". Hugh asks Amelia to change her hand placement, and it's getting to the point now where I'm starting to think that Amelia's hands should get their own spot in the credits. [She was Vogueing. Actually Vogueing - Helen] Amelia comes off set and says that she didn't like it, which Charlotte points out in an interview is something that Amelia does all the time. Amelia thinks her picture is coming across as "transvestite". In fairness, considering the sheer amount of brightly-coloured make-up that's on all of the girls for the shoot, they all look like they should be operating after midnight in King's Cross. Alisha goes in next, and was trying hard to portray "modern" and "confident", which seems to go down well with Hugh. Alisha says again that she doesn't like make-up much (way to endear yourself to the sponsors!) but she actually liked the way she looked in the end. Hugh says that Alisha was a pleasure to work with. Alisha comes out and says that hers went well; Charlotte and Amelia look horrified. Tiffany's in next, and likes the colours that she was given because they suited her skintone. Unlike her hairdo [Harsh but fair, Steve - Helen]. Afterwards, Hugh wonders if she was too editorial. Olivia flails, because she "can't do beauty", she tells us. There's really nothing more I can add to that, is there? Hugh was not blown away by her. Joy, as ever, is hilarious: "I was really excited. It's just your face, and I think it sorts people out, because if you can't do facial expression, then you're pretty screwed in modelling." Joy for the judging panel next year, please! Joy struggles with her hands in the shot, though, because apparently she's got "corpse hands" that always needs lots of make-up. Hugh thinks she was beautiful, but lacked energy and enthusiasm.
The girls assemble ready for Sarah to declare the winner. Sarah explains that the winning girl impressed her because she had high energy from the moment she stepped onto the set: Alisha. Alisha interviews that when her name was announced, Charlotte was smiling, "but her eyes were saying 'bitch'." Or, as Tyra Banks would put it, she was 'bizing'. Alisha's reward is to go out for cocktails, and picks Olivia and Tiffany to join her. Are we about to get another "Alisha can't handle her drink" plotline? I do hope so.
Commercials. Uma Thurman is an Alfa Romeo. Does this mean she'll be in Transformers 3?
Model manor, night time. Alisha, Tiffany and Olivia are getting ready to go out, and dancing around like fools. Olivia is excited, because no one's chosen her to share in their prizes yet. This is probably because they, like I, keep forgetting she exists. The girls are taken to The Hoxton Pony, where Alisha invents a cocktail called "Diva-Ish", with a bit of help from the owner. Back at the house, Charlotte is enjoying quiet time with Amelia and Joy. Amelia notes that Charlotte's been a bit quiet since the last elimination, and Charlotte explains that it's because of what Julien said. You know, when he called her a heifer. Getting upset, Charlotte says that she doesn't care, she doesn't want to be a size four. Now, obviously I think Julien's a tool, because who doesn't? But at the same time, it is rather ridiculous to (a) enter a modelling competition on television, and (b) hope to become a professional model, if you're going to get this upset when someone criticises your appearance. Amelia admits in a VT that Charlotte "has put on a few pounds", and that a lot of the girls think so. Over at The Hoxton Pony, the others are discussing the same thing. Olivia suggests, in all seriousness, that Charlotte should be a plus-size model. This is ridiculous. Charlotte is not a plus-size anything. Tiffany and Alisha think that's brutal. Back at the house, Charlotte feels like the biggest girl left because she was singled out by Julien, and says that she's "a pretty sensitive person". She then tells Amelia and Joy that she's "not the biggest girl left". Amelia doesn't like this because "it does infer that other girls are bigger than her." It doesn't 'infer' anything, Amelia. It might 'imply' that, yes, but the only one 'inferring' would be you. Joy confessionalises that Amelia told her that she thinks Charlotte meant that she, Amelia, was the biggest girl left, and OH MY GOD CAN WE JUST END THIS MAD CONVERSATION, NONE OF YOU ARE FAT. Joy senses what I'm feeling: "Jesus Christ, both of you. Just shut up." I heart Joy.
The next day, there is E-Mail. "Girls, we've seen how perform in front of the cameras, but a Top Model also needs character and personality. I want to find out more about the real you. Love Elle xx" The girls wonder if they'll be having one-on-one chats with Elle. Sure enough, Elle arrives a bit later on and the girls all scream. Tiffany's the first person to get a one-to-one chat with Elle, and admits to feeling really nervous. Presumably because she has no guarantees that Elle will be able to understand her without subtitles. I certainly can't half the time. Elle talks to Tiffany about her haircut, and says that it was the best thing that they ever did, because Tiffany wouldn't still be here if they hadn't (burn!). Elle tells Tiffany she thinks it's time she had another haircut. Tiffany: "D:". Tiffany cries because she's overwhelmed by Elle, and gets a hug.
Joy goes in next, and looks rather tense. Joy admits in a post-event VT that she feels like she still didn't get what she's really like across to Elle, because she couldn't actually speak properly. Elle tells Joy that she's beautiful, but she needs to be more free-spirited and less scared. Olivia tells Elle in her chat that the competition is making her see that she can do something and really stick it out, and that being bottom two in the second week gave her the kick up the bum that she deserves. Olivia interviews that at panel she's always being told off for the way she stands or something. Elle tells Olivia that she's there because the team thinks she has what it takes to be there. Charlotte goes in for her chat with Elle, and like everyone else, gets tearful. Elle rebukes Charlotte for trying to cover up her real emotions with a laugh, and Charlotte sniffs that this feels like her last chance to go for it, because she feels like she's too old. Elle tells Charlotte that she was 18 when she started modelling, but she wasn't successful until she was 26. Charlotte gets a hug too.
By this point Alisha is worrying about the number of teary-faced girls emerging from their chats with Elle, and wondering what the hell is going on in there. "Is she beating them?" Alisha wonders. Alisha tells Elle that she's very happy to be there. "Do you think you can win?" Elle asks. "Sometimes," Alisha replies, in a manner that strikes me as rather too deliberately coquettish. Elle tells Alisha that her real-life beauty doesn't translate into her pictures, and that perhaps she's been trying too hard. Amelia heads in. "You look beautiful," Elle tells her. "Thank you. And you," Amelia replies, in that way that people do without really thinking about what they're saying. Elle's all, "well yeah, that's my job." Snerk. Elle tells Amelia that she is "exceptionally beautiful", but Amelia admits that she doubts herself a lot. Elle tells Amelia that whatever she does, her beauty will be an asset, and that she always thought it was more interesting for a girl "to use her beauty rather than to sell her beauty". This segues into a rather odd story about how Elle was going to be a lawyer and win lots of cases because she was so very charismatic. I can only assume she'd have been working for the law firm from Ally McBeal. Amelia says that the conversation helped her to think that it's all been worthwhile, however far she gets in the competition. [I bet the "Elle as a Lawyer" reality show will be on Living by this time next year. Mark my words - Helen]
More ads. I wish Dinner For Schmucks didn't look quite so awful as it does, because I would walk over hot coals for Paul Rudd, but I have to draw the line somewhere.
That night, there is more E-Mail. "Girls, get some rest tonight, because tomorrow the sky's the limit, love Elle." Olivia wonders if they might have to be birds. The next day, they're taken to Pinewood Studios, which Charlotte and Tiffany are very excited about. They enter a giant hanger and are greeted by Grace, who has decided to mark the occasion by dressing as the Bird Lady of Alcatraz. The first thing Joy spots, however, is the ambulance, which she notes with some irony is a reassuring presence. Behind Grace, a man leaps from some scaffolding and lands on a giant crash mat. Grace informs them that they too will be leaping from a height of 20ft for their shoot today. With Grace is today's client, Lisa McWilliam Herbert, who is representing Galaxy Ripple. Lisa explains that they will be conveying the sense of enjoying her chocolate and getting that floaty feeling, "and you literally will be floating because you will be falling from that scaffold." This makes literally no sense for many reasons, the very least of which is that floating and falling are clearly not synonyms. Grace explains that the girl who wins this challenge will be part of their next campaign. Olivia is excited because she's a daredevil, Amelia is rather more nervous. The stuntman explains to the girls that the most important part is to remember to land on your bum, not your feet. I'll say that again: LAND ON YOUR BUM, NOT YOUR FEET. This will be important later.
Charlotte is excited about the prospect of the jump. Alisha decides that "safety mat" is a misnomer, and that she'd rather refer to it as a "death trap". Heh. The girls are all given a practice jump to begin with: Charlotte goes first and plants her bum squarely on the giant X as she lands. "Good old bum," she laughs in an interview. "See, it comes in handy, this big bum." Hee. Joy is atop the scaffolding, and asked what she needs to land on. "My arse," she replies. LOVE HER. Unfortunately, she lands on her feet, and hurts her knees. Alisha needs a bit more time to prepare, but executes an excellent fall in the end. Tiffany freaks, but manages to do the jump. Olivia interviews that she couldn't wait to do her jump, but decided to let Amelia go before her because she was so nervous and wanted to get it over with. Amelia has a meltdown when she gets up there, and when she actually does jump, she gets her form all wrong and lands in a kind of crouch. She informs us in an interview that her knees came up and hit her nose and her right eye. Ooh, ouch. She's taken over to the paramedics and treated for her injuries which, for reasons I can't quite determine, means that Olivia is taken up to the scaffolding, but has to wait for Amelia to emerge from treatment before she can jump. This takes about 20 minutes, which is more than enough time for Olivia to psych herself out completely. Olivia can't actually bring herself to jump when her turn comes and begins to cry. Grace goes up to reassure her and give her a hug, but it's no good for Olivia, who's completely in bits by this point. The stunt co-ordinator tells Olivia that it's now or never, pretty much. "You'll be fine," yells Amelia from the ground; however, this reassurance is somewhat undermined by the giant ice pack she is currently holding to her face. Olivia is given one more shot, but can't do it, and goes back down the lift. She admits that she doesn't know what happened to her up there. Amelia interviews that it doesn't look good for Olivia to have gone to pieces in front of the client and one of the judges, and does not seem to be aware of the part she played in Olivia's downfall. Except maybe that was her plan all along? Maybe Kirsty's giant bitch edit was all an elaborate subterfuge to make us overlook Amelia and her evil plans? The stunt co-ordinator takes the decision not to let Olivia jump at all, because she's so upset that there's a good chance she'll hurt herself in the process.
Charlotte, Joy and Alisha are having their make-up done, and when the other three arrive, they wonder what the hell happened to Olivia and Amelia. Chocolate Ambassador Lisa explains that they're looking for a girl-next-door type, but they have to be professional and relax and get the shop done. Joy goes first and meets with Neal Haynes, the photographer, who warns her that they don't have much time and will only be able to do about three jumps. For some reason they're being shot from on the ground as they jump; now, I'm no professional photographer, but that seems to me to be an impossible angle to get a good shot from. Joy interviews that they were supposed to be conveying the impression of jumping off a building and "floating" to the ground, but that it felt more like "you were walking down the street and just fell down a pothole." Joy jumps, but struggles to achieve the horizontal falling position the client wants, because she admits that she wanted to be able to see she was going to land on the crash mat and not, y'know, break her neck and die. Neal thinks her stance makes her look like Batman. Joy explains that they had to look into the light, but not at the photographer, make sure their hair wasn't in the way, but also look normal. This is actually quite a complicated shoot, basically. Joy jumps again, but the results are not good. Grace thinks she looks "utterly terrified".
Charlotte goes next, and pulls off a rather balletic leap. She interviews that one she realised she could land, she knew she only had a couple of shots to nail the rest of the pose. She really enjoyed it, but isn't sure she's produced a great shot. Alisha's skirt keeps billowing up around her face so all we can see is her knickers, and hits her head as she lands on one of her attempts, which upsets her. Grace thinks she's grimacing in her picture rather than smiling. Tiffany is wearing the absolute worst hairpiece I have ever seen. She looks like she's playing the village wench in an amateur dramatic adaptation of a Thomas Hardy novel. She explains that "the shoot was about the girl next door, and I haven't seen no girl next door with short orange hair." Heh. She's happy about the wig, so that's the main thing, I guess.
Amelia goes next, and is asked by Neal how she feels. "Really nervous!" she shouts from the scaffold. This is apparently not the answer Neal wanted. Amelia says that she felt "like one of those 16th century people, when they're jumping to their death on the lallows". And if that makes any sense to you, you're smarter than I am. After a couple of fluttery false starts, Amelia finally leaps - and lands on her bum this time. Hooray! Although she promptly sits up and apologises to the entire studio, declaring her effort "horrendous". She jumps a few more times, and the results are not inspiring. I will be literally amazed if anyone gets a good shot, because the entire set-up of this shot was ludicrous.
Backstage, the girls deconstruct their day's work. None of them are feeling terribly confident, but Olivia thinks none of them have anything to worry about because at least they went through with it. Back home, there is E-Mail, read by Amelia: "Girls, what an eventful two days. Enjoy your evening because tomorrow it'll be time to find out who has fallen from grace, and will be leaving the competition for good. See you at elimination, love Elle x". Amelia is not expecting it to be easy. Olivia thinks that was the hardest challenge they've ever faced. Alisha prepares to open a can of whup-ass on Julien if he has anything negative to say. Adverts.
Elimination room. The girls troop in, looking like awesome space hookers. Elle introduces the panel, who all get muted "hi"s from the diminished round of contestants. Guest panellist this week is Neal the photographer from the jumping shoot, who is wearing some very nice glasses. Elle runs through the prizes, which I've just realised include "the chance to appear in a Revlon campaign", which sounds awfully vague. I mean, theoretically I've got the chance of appearing in a Revlon campaign, but it's not likely to happen, is it?
Joy is up first. Julien tells her she looks more beautiful in front of him than she does in her beauty picture, which makes her look older than she is. Elle thinks she looks like a young Audrey Hepburn in the picture. Julien disagrees. Charley thinks she should've had more energy behind the eyes, but she has done well. We then have a look at Joy's jumping shot (and, by the way, all of these pictures will feature some spectacularly half-arsed photoshopping to make the girls look like they're actually jumping off a building). Joy's best shot is not great, as Elle wonders if she was pushed rather than jumping. Grace congratulates her for jumping despite being terrified.
Alisha's next, and her beauty shot gets rave reviews. Her falling shot looks mad, however, but Julien admires her professionalism in going through with it. Amelia's beauty shot is nice, but Elle thinks her claims of liking what she sees sound rather hollow. Amelia explains that she had issues on the day so she was expecting the shot to look worse. Grace tells her it's a beautiful picture, and Julien thinks she looks desirable, but Neal isn't sure it's a shot worthy of a top model. Her falling shot is rather awkward, and Elle thinks that Amelia looks like she has soiled herself. Nice. However, Elle is impressed that she got back up after falling and hurting herself. Neal reminds her that it's a big shot for a big campaign, and that she needs to go all out to get the shot.
Olivia is looking defeated, and explains to Elle and the panel that she's normally daring but something took over her at yesterday's shoot. Grace explains to her that if she has to find a way to overcome this, as if it had happened on a job, her agency would've been sued. Olivia cries. Julien says it doesn't necessarily mean that they'll have to eliminate her, as she has potential. They look at her beauty shot, which Julien thinks is beautiful, and Neal sees some Rihanna in there. Tiffany goes next, and Elle doesn't like the angle or expression of Tiffany's shot, and thinks she needs another haircut. Grace tells Tiffany that she needs to think attitude when she's taking a shot, and that this picture is an example of what she shouldn't be doing. Tiffany clarifies with them that they need more quirkiness from her. Her falling shot isn't great either, but the panel think it's the best one they've seen so far.
Finally there's Charlotte. Her beauty shot is lovely, I think, and Grace tells her that she definitely doesn't look fat, which is a rather odd compliment for a face-only beauty shot, but I suspect it's only there so Julien can have a platform to be apologetic as only he can. He tells her not to think that he doesn't like her, because he does, and she's "not too fat", but catwalk models are just a bit slimmer than she is. Which is, essentially, pretty much what he said last week, and in terms of the really insulting things Julien has said this series, it probably wouldn't make the top 10. Her falling shot is decent, and Elle reveals that it was the brand's favourite shot of the day, and it will be used in an upcoming campaign for Galaxy Ripple.
Deliberation time. Julien thinks there's nothing special about Tiffany, and Grace thinks her beauty shot is too "Lady Di". Olivia lacks confidence, and Charley points out that in the real world, your agency would call you beforehand to check that you're okay with jumping 20 feet off some scaffolding onto a crashmat. Which is a very valid point and I'm glad he made it, but at the same time, I think if Olivia had received a call like that, she would've said yes, because it wasn't until Amelia nearly concussed herself with her own limbs that Olivia started to question the sanity of leaping off some scaffolding to make people buy more chocolate. Julien thinks Amelia looks like "an exotic jewellery box". Charley likes to see Alisha looking softer in a beauty shot. Julien doesn't like Joy's beauty shot, but Charley thinks that she's made for beauty shots. Elle likes Charlotte because "she can do a bit of everything"; Julien admits that he didn't like her at first, but "she was a star from the beginning, and she's still here."
So, who gets first call-out this week? Alisha, whose beauty shot Elle absolutely loves. Following her are Charlotte, Amelia, and Joy, which leaves Tiffany and Olivia in the bottom two. Olivia looks like a top model in person, but the light behind her eyes reveals a scared little girl, apparently. Tiffany doesn't look like a top model in person, but works hard every time to get the shot. So who stays, the girl who works hard, or the girl who wastes her potential? Duh. Tiffany gets the last picture, of course, and Olivia gets the boot. Elle tells her that she has the potential to do whatever she wants, and she needs to go home and practice. Back at the house, Olivia admits that she wanted to stay, but she doesn't want to take someone else's spot since she didn't do the freefalling shot. She leaves a note behind her, which includes the phrase "Sorry about spelling", bless her. Olivia troops away from Model Manor, and fades out of the picture.
Next time: the girls turn photographer, but some cope better than others. George Lamb stops buy for a photoshoot, and the girls get their pictures taken in a room full of rugby players. Helen will be walking you through that one, so come back soon to see what she makes of it!
Sunday, 29 August 2010
Ice Ice Ladies
Top 7 - 23rd August 2010
Hello! Welcome to episode eight of Britain’s Next Top Model. We begin, as always, with a recap of last weeks episode. We get to see Alisha screaming in Ricky Whittle’s face again, Elle says Holly-OAKS wrong again, we see Alisha mauled by surprisingly tanned Zombie hands again and we see Elle squeezing Nicola’s tear-soaked exit face again. We then get to see what’s coming up this week. There is some screaming, some running up an escalator in a High Street Fashion challenge, Alisha is on AGAIN crying about a challenging photoshoot ON ICE and the seven remaining girls will face Elle and the Judges in the elimination room, which to me is sounding more like a posh expression for a toilet every week.
But there can be only one Britain’s Next Top Model (this year). Titles! I’m struck by how much better Tiffany looked with long hair.
Kirsty interviews that when she came home from elimination, she found a letter on the fridge door. She seems pleased that Nicola has written in block capitals across the top of the letter that she has to read it. “Hi Everyone,” reads Kirsty. “You are all such amazing people and I’ve ended up making so many friends. Kirsty, I love you so much, you are such a kind girl. You have helped me a way you didn’t even realise. Love you all, bye and good luck”. Aww. Kirsty breaks down whilst reading this. Alisha pulls a face. She interviews that it was a really emotional letter, and she can understand why Kirsty cried, but she says that everything Kirsty does is really staged. I just think that the only emotion Alisha feels is the desire to be on camera pretty much permanently, so human emotions don’t really register with her.
Joy interviews that she didn’t find it emotional at all, she just thinks that it’s another one gone and it doesn‘t bother her. I think Joy should be on every reality show ever. Can you imagine her on the X Factor? Dermot asks her what she is here to do and she just shrugs and says “Sing a song, what else could I be here for?”. Lovely. ["There's always Asda." - Steve] Tiffany then throws in her tuppence worth. She’s not that bothered about it, because they are there for a reason. She turns to Kirsty and says she’s not going to be all “Like...waah, Nicky” then makes a crying face. “We have to buck up, eh?”. She then mimes drying her eyes. Kirsty looks like she wants to kill everyone in the room.
Some long shots of the house at night before the E-Mail arrives. Olivia reads it. “A Top Model must be prepared for any occasion. Tomorrow is your chance to prove that you too can be ready for any time, any place, anywhere. Charlotte wonders what the hell that means. She interviews that she’s wondering what the hell that means. Olivia can’t put her finger on it. Charlotte doesn’t know AGAIN, but it’s alright, because she’s taking lots of pants. Charlotte seems like the kind of girl that would be prepared.
Some Londonporn. Alisha interviews that everyone is really excited about this task, because they didn’t know what they were doing. Faultless logic again, Alisha. She then tells us that they have arrived at Oxford St, which is one of her favourite places IN THE WORLD. So much so that she LITERALLY knows it like the back of her hand. The girls enter an unidentified shop. Amelia says that they were all excited, because they thought it might be another shopping spree, as cheeky as it sounds. So you want it to be another shopping spree for the spoils then, Amelia?
The girls reach the top of the escalator, and the signs around the shop tell us that they are in New Look. They are greeted by Steph Theobold, who apparently is an Online TV presenter for New Look TV (really) and Charlotte Carey, who is a senior designer for the brand. They are casting for a presenter for their online TV show. Kirsty’s eyes immediately begin to glitter. In order to fulfil the challenge, the girls will each have to pick out seven items of clothing that they can mix and match to create three different looks - An outfit for castings, for parties and for a lazy casual Sunday. Joy’s eyes immediately widen in terror. Charlotte looks confused. Olivia nods knowingly. They’ll have five minutes to choose the outfits, and two to present them. They have all of the (three floor by the sign beside the New look Ladies) flagship store at their disposal.
Charlotte says in voiceover that she’s reminded of Supermarket Sweep when the panic kicks in, and people get a look in their eyes. Amelia says that the store was massive, and they had five minutes to run around the store and get seven items. Yes, Amelia. The nice lady from New Look just told us that. There’s lots of running around. Amelia holds her head and says she can’t do it. Olivia can’t find anything for her casting. Tiffany goes for the scattergun approach and picks up loads of things to decide from at the end. Alisha wants to give up because it’s ridiculous. Olivia hops about with one shoe on.
Steph Theobold gets out her megaphone and tells the girls that their time is up. Steph tells them that there is an extra catch. The contestants will have to pick another girl to model their outfits. Charlotte interviews that after the previous challenge she knows she’s good at presenting. I’m glad the girls are forgetting their British modesty and getting down to proper Top Model business. It’s been a long time coming. Charlotte does do well at the presenting. Kirsty is modelling her clothes, which are not terrible. The New Look Ladies think that she came across as confident, having a laugh and relaxed. They are pleased with her performance. Charlotte looks pleased with herself.
Amelia tells us in interview that she chose Tiffany to model her outfits because she knew she would do them justice. Amelia has chosen a stripy cardigan and a T-shirt with the Eiffel tower on it, which makes Tiffany look Parisian. Who knew? Amelia also informs us that layering is “in”. Tiffany points out that the clothes Amelia had picked were her own style. Yes Tiffany, that’s what one tends to do when they are shopping. Amelia says that she is close to Tiffany, so she knows her personality and she thinks that she looks really good in the clothes. Amelia, Tiffany is only close to you so she can stab you in the back. She just did, there.
Alisha chooses Olivia as her model. Alisha tells everyone that Olivia isn’t wearing any pants, so she can’t actually wear the skirt that she has picked out. The skirt apparently gives a bit of SHIMMER! To the outfit. Really, that’s how she pronounces it. Olivia rolls her eyes in the interview room and complains that she looked like a state in the outfit. Alisha thinks that Olivia should take a leaf out of her book and start dressing in the clothes that she picked out because she thinks it suits her.
Charlotte then pops up again to tell us that Kirsty chose her as her model, which was nice of her. I’m not sure that Kirsty picking another girl to model for her should be added to the list of Why Kirsty Is A Bitch, because she was sort of told to. But nice try anyway, Charlotte. Kirsty puts Charlotte in a Mac which has some ruching. Charlotte is surprised that Kirsty picked some nice outfits. Kirsty uses a double negative, and I judge her. (“She can wear this without no jeans”) Surely that could be added to the Why Kirsty Is A Bitch list?
Joy picks Tiffany to be her model. Joy interviews that she’s “not a very good person at fashion”. Looks like Lynn Truss is coming for Joy too. Tiffany is up next, and she has picked Amelia to model her clothes. She has picked a “girly, chick and hip” dress. I hope she means 'chic'. She has also picked a “funky” jacket.
Olivia chose Alisha to model her clothes because she chose her and she wanted to return the (air quotes) favour. Alisha interviews that when she first saw Olivia’s choices before they were on, she thought they were quite nice, but they are clearly a train wreck on. Olivia interviews that she was glad that Alisha was wearing them and not her, because when she saw them together she thought “hell no”. Alisha is upset because Olivia looked at her like it was her fault. Charlotte laughs at them openly. Alisha wouldn’t wear any of the clothes to a casting in case they thought she was at the wrong casting. I’m not good at fashion, like Joy, so I won’t begin to describe it, but all I will say is that lace featured quite prominently. The New Look Ladies point out that Olivia’s choices were all short and tight. Olivia says that if she had the chance again, she would put a pair of jeans in there. Probably for the best.
The New Look Ladies have chosen a winner. Who’s betting that it’s the only one who they gave feedback to? Yes, it’s Charlotte, for the reasons they have already told her. She will present on the New Look Channel to literally TENS of people. She also wins ten pairs of New Look Shoes. [It's not exactly a "here's £100k worth of diamonds" challenge, is it? Swizz. - Steve] OF COURSE, Alisha isn’t happy that Charlotte won. She thinks that her presenting skills are humorous. I think they are HILARIOUS, Alisha, but perhaps not in the same way as you want me to. Alisha complains that Charlotte didn’t make her laugh. I’m a bit worried that Alisha hasn’t cottoned on that fashion is SRS BIZNESS yet. Olivia gives Alisha the best “shame” look I have ever seen and Alisha looks like she is going to cry. Alisha finishes the segment by saying that she “Should have won, because...I should have won”. I love it when the contestants are articulate. Really plays down those dumb model stereotypes.
Coming up! Screaming on a helicopter! Wearing Bottles! Being welcomed in to the heart of a glacier! Amelia thinks she’s in the Marines! Alisha feels stupid! Adverts.
Back at the house, there are flags everywhere. Amelia has thoughtfully co-ordinated her skirt with them. Alisha and Kirsty start screaming at the flags. Alisha interviews that she was screaming about the flag, but she didn’t know what she was saying yay to. Joy knows from the flags they are going somewhere. Her second thought is where are the flags for. OF COURSE Charlotte knows that the flags are for Norway. [At the very least, they should've recognised the flags from their hand lotion bottles. - Steve] Amelia has an E-Mail telling the girls that they have a few items of clothing on their bed that may come in handy. Their flight leaves in a few hours, they’re off to Norway. Everyone immediately starts jumping and screaming. I’m not sure they know what Norway is. Charlotte reminds everyone to pack. On their beds, the girls have pink snowsuits. This in no way lessens their excitement. They immediately put everything on. Kirsty interviews that she has a feeling they are going to the Fjords. I think this is mainly to show off that she has some knowledge of Norway and what goes on there. Alisha isn’t worried. She lives in England and coldness is “Naturally normal” to her, but if it’s colder than England there may be a problem. Take the clue from the snow suits, Alisha, and keep bashing down those model stereotypes. Tiffany, coming from a hot country, is terrified of the cold.
More Londonporn, and another airport montage. Charlotte tells us the flight was, wait for it, AMAZING. Tiffany says that they felt really special and everyone was looking at them. They are brought Champagne and strawberries, which Charlotte tells us made her feel important. Norwayporn! The girls arrive at what Joy calls Eseport, reportedly at the crack of dawn. They have all changed into their snow suits. They are welcomed to Norway by an unidentified man. Alisha reports that she looked around when she arrived and saw two helicopters. Kirsty doesn’t want to get too excited. The unidentified man is identified as Peter Krogh, who is the CEO of Isklar, which is Icelandic natural mineral water. He tells the girls that Isklar means “Ice Clear” and that they will find this very fitting, as they are being taken to a glacier. They are told that they will be doing a photoshoot on the glacier, wearing dresses made out of bottles. The overriding reaction to this is shock. Peter Krogh tells the girls that the winner will be featured in a marketing campaign and that they will be travelling to their destination by helicopter.
The reactions to this, are, as Charlotte tells us, mixed. Kirsty, Tiffany and Joy (yes, Joy) are excited. Olivia seems unsure because she thinks a glacier is frozen water. Alisha is terrified, of course. She crosses herself and screams for the entire journey. Amelia predicts that Alisha is praying to God. Cut to her crossing herself again. Alisha complains that Charlotte is enjoying the ride whilst she is fearing for her life. Olivia is happy when they arrive both because she is alive and because of the snow. She immediately jumps on Kirsty. Olivia regrets this afterwards because, get this, the snow is cold.
Hair and Makeup montage! Olivia wants silver hair to make her look icy. Alisha appears to have a blue Batman mask painted on. Charlotte gets a white bob wig. Everyone eyes it jealously.
The girls wonder how cold it will be. Peter Krogh informs us that it’s minus five, windy and there is snow in the air, so wearing nothing but bottles will be a challenge. O RLY. Charlotte misinterpreted what wearing a dress made of bottles would actually entail. She didn’t realise that she would be wearing bottles tied together with string. Apparently the string is tight on the dress and it is squeaky. We get a gratuitous shot of Charlotte’s arse. She informs everyone she is naked under the dresses. Alisha is scared.
Charlotte steps out of the snow cart and screams. She interviews that she thought she was going to die. She is informed she has 20 shots. She continues the interview by saying that she began to freeze from the feet up, and that it was difficult to keep the poses edgy and keep her wig on. The Photographer, Ole Marcus Fossen is happy she didn’t complain, even though he was freezing his ass off. Nice sympathy there. Cut to Tiffany with no makeup on, wondering how cold it’s going to be. Alisha says she has a good pain threshold. Tiffany says she has none. Good luck with that. Charlotte comes back in saying that she didn’t have to be out there that long. Kirsty is worried.
Amelia next, who lies through her teeth by saying that she didn’t feel the cold as much as she should have, because she was concentrating on getting a good picture, which is what she should be doing. She shouts that it’s like being in the Marines. She feels that she’s got a lot more to prove after being in the bottom two last week. She said she really enjoyed what she did and didn’t want to come off, so it’s a mystery even to her why she burst into tears when she got back. You got upset because it was horrible Amelia, ADMIT IT. When probed by Charlotte, she admits that it’s “too much”. Atta girl.
Alisha next. Her dress doesn’t cover her boobs even a little bit. She declares her dress a “Death Sentence”. She interviews that she nearly didn’t go out there, but she remembered that it was a competition and that she has to do whatever it takes. She goes on to say that the cold was different to opening the freezer to get chicken nuggets, it was actually freezing. Alisha, I’m pretty sure a freezer freezes stuff, but I could be wrong. [I vote we chuck her into one of those giant deep-freezes just to compare. - Steve] She continues by saying that the shoot felt like sunbathing in the North Pole, and when it snowed the “Ice things” (I’m guessing snowflakes) dug into her skin and went into her eyes. She thinks she’s done the best I can do. The photographer likes the poses but her face wasn’t up to scratch. When she returns, she gets stung by the warm air on her cold skin and immediately starts to cry. Unfortunately, she is not around to slag herself off for putting stuff on for the cameras, so the duty falls to Charlotte, who isn’t sure if it was an overreaction, but Alisha definitely was hysterical. Olivia interviews that she probably would’ve cried as well...maybe...ish.
Olivia appears to have drawn an even shorter dress straw than Alisha, as she has one that she can’t move her arms or legs in. She didn’t realise what she was going to be doing until she was doing it. The photographer wanted strong, face on poses but she wasn’t doing it.
Joy next. She interviews that she thought she was going to pass out because breathing hurt. She says that the photographer told her she was moving too much, but she was moving around a lot to keep warm.
Kirsty interviews that this is THE hardest photoshoot. She has the same hairdo she has in the opening credits, only sprayed silver. The photographer wants her to be more robotic. He didn’t think that she gave them.
Tiffany is the last to go up. She interviews that this was a disadvantage, as she had to watch everyone come back freezing, shaking and crying saying it was horrible. She panicked when she saw how much it was snowing. She also reports that the stylists thought that she looked really cold and they came with blankets for her, but she wanted to continue to show that she was able to do it. I believe you, Tiffany. Peter Krogh tells us immediately that he interpreted this as impatience. The photographer is disappointed and she seemed that she didn’t want to be photographed. Back at the hut, Tiffany says that she was shaking so much she couldn’t breathe, but she’s done it, and she’s proud of herself.
Coming up! Hats can kill you! Elimination!
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After the break, we’re still in Norway. Charlotte explains that they are going out to dinner in a fancy restaurant. They are informed that the main course will be Ox. Olivia is confused. Amelia says Ox isn’t great for her because her dog looks a bit like a cow. I can’t add anything to this revelation. I have been literally stunned into silence. It’s broken every single sarcastic, cynical part of me. I may need a moment to carry on.
...
Back to business, Alisha complains that Amelia is upset. That’s more like it.
Charlotte isn’t happy that there are some of her number that do not like rocket. Olivia hates rocket and avocado. Alisha hates rocket. Amelia hates it too, and doesn’t understand why everyone has to keep going on about it. The next course arrives, the Ox, and Olivia describes it as “some potato thing that was stuck in a rock”, or at least that’s what it sounds like. She then proceeds to scrape off the sauce and loudly refers to her napkin as the “purple thing”. Tiffany looks mortified, and says in her interview that there are always going to be people who moan, but she thought Olivia was really rude.
An E- Mail arrives at the dinner table. It is read by Charlotte. It reads “Your next challenge will see you walking tall if you want to stay a-head in the competition. The cars will meet you at Gatwick bright and early love Elle”. Amelia immediately suggests that they are going to be on stilts. Alisha thinks this is madness, but Olivia runs with the idea. Clearly excited, she starts going on about Covent Garden and stilt walkers who walk like them clown men. Tiffany gives her a look of distilled contempt more frozen than the glacier.
We see their plane leave the frozen airport. Alisha says in her interview that she loved coming back to England, because nothing feels better than home. Kirsty reports that they all slept for the whole journey. Tiffany can’t believe everyone has to go straight to a challenge, because in her opinion, nobody looked good. They arrive at the Dorchester. Tiffany goes on to say that she is in shock, because it’s the most famous hotel in London.
Charlotte reports that when she walked in the room she saw Grace and a little man. She didn’t know who the man was. Kirsty reports that his name is Stephen Jones, because she knows about fashion and that. Grace welcomes the girls back to London, and to the glamorous Dorchester hotel. She explains that the challenge will be with THE milliner, Stephen Jones, OBE. Alisha still looks blank. As does Joy. You can imagine which one seems to care less.
Stephen Jones explains to the girls that celebrities love hats, and that his first clients were Boy George, then almost immediately after that, DIANA. These days he has to make do with Beyonce and Lady Gaga. The girls’ challenge with the hats is to make them their own. Stephen Jones wants to see authority, elegance, grace and poise because a hat can either make you the most important person on the runway or KILL YOU COMPLETLEY. Charlotte is dreading it, Tiffany doesn’t know how to model that stuff because some of them were big and extreme. The challenge involves walking a bit and posing on a podium.
Amelia is up first, and she doesn’t like it because she didn’t know what was going to happen. Grace wants her to be “less Eliza Doolittle at the races and more Duchess”, whatever that means. Stephen clears this up by saying “Aristocratic”. Aah. Amelia takes this to mean “suck your cheeks in”. Stephen wants to see more jaw line, and Grace gets her Duchess.
Kirsty next. Joy says in her interview that Joy seems to be a bit of a hat freak. Kirsty’s hat is a sideways mini top hat. Stephen likes her in it. Grace wanted to see more balls out craziness, again, whatever that means. Kirsty looks suitably confused, as does Stephen. Grace says, by way of explanation, that is what she expects from Kirsty. Kirsty insists in her interview that she can show that with a smile. Stephen praises her elegance but says that he wasn’t getting the crazy. That he didn’t seem to want. Kirsty feels damned both ways and I don’t blame her.
Joy next. Her hat is a branch with pink silk flowers on it, which she says in her interview reminded her of reindeer antlers with leaves stuck on them. Joy goes on to say that she knows she’s crap at catwalk, and she’s probably going to break her ankle or trip over and walk like a weirdo. She has a little wobble on the podium as she’s told to remember her fluidity. Grace tells her she walks like she’s got a ton of bricks on her head, not some silk flowers.
Tiffany is nervous. Stephen is challenged by Tiffany’s short blonde hair. Tiffany then interviews that she doesn’t know why she keeps getting nervous, because it doesn’t go well for her. She gets a hat that looks like it’s made of melted Perspex. Her poses are cute, very nice and very Dior.
Alisha is told to pull up to the bumper next. She was really happy with the choice, which was the same hat as Joy’s. Grace loves her face, but thinks that there is something wrong with her body. Apparently it’s her arms, which she now must make sure that nobody notices. Alicia interviews that she feels deformed and that Grace had cut her arms of. She doesn’t really like that.
Olivia is worried because Grace always says she walks like a tranny. Tiffany thinks Olivia has a funny walk. The girls barely conceal their amusement. Grace thinks Olivia needs to come out of herself and make herself more expensive. So what you’re basically saying, Grace, is that Olivia is cheap. Olivia is just happy not to be told that she walks like a tranny.
Charlotte gets a leather rose and a veil. She doesn’t think catwalk is her strong point. She says that she was nervous and it showed. Joy gleefully points out in her interview that Charlotte was “pulling a dodgy cod eye”, complete with impressions. Charlotte says that the hat was poking her in the eye so she couldn’t see where she was going. Alisha doesn’t think that that is an excuse, because Charlotte has two eyes. [Yeah, who needs depth perception, anyway? - Steve] Grace asks if the hat is poking her in the eye, Charlotte answers honestly, then Grace tells her off because she’s going to have bones, pins and things in her eye and it shouldn‘t spoil her focus. Charlotte takes this with good grace in front of Grace and Stephen but bitches in interview that she was asked a direct question and still got the blame. [In fairness, anyone who's seen any iteration of the Top Model franchise before surely knows that you must never blame your outfit for your performance, because whatever happens, It Is Always Your Fault. - Steve]
Alisha feels sorry for Charlotte because unless she picks up her game, she could be going home. Yay team spirit!
Overall, the challenge winner, much to Stephen’s surprise is Tiffany. He thinks she’s a complete natural. Tiffany is over the moon to win her first challenge. I’m glad because in the challenges she’s lost, she hasn’t seen the challenges as that important, so I’m glad she’s decided this one is. Her prize is a hat. Kirsty is jealous that Tiffany’s got a Stephen Jones hat.
Back at the house, an E-Mail tells the girls that they have learned that “being a model can be fast paced and glamorous but can also be work, work, work. Find out tomorrow which one of you hasn’t made the grade see you at elimination love Elle Kiss.” That is exactly how Tiffany reads it. Amelia thinks it’s going to be a mean one this week. Charlotte is so worried she’s not going to sleep. Kirsty and Joy think that Amelia is overtired. She agrees. Kirsty says that she thinks she may go this week. She says that although she has the personality, the other girls have something she doesn’t. Modesty perhaps? The ability not to rub everyone up the wrong way. Tiffany thinks the photoshoot was problematic. Alisha says that she had snow blowing in every hole you could think of whilst she was having her photo taken. She thinks she will be slaughtered by Julien and hanged. Yep, she’s worried.
Coming up! Grace says someone looks like Sienna Miller (too far Grace) and that someone hasn’t pulled it off.
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The girls walk into the elimination room, all of them clearly nervous. Elle reminds them that they’ve had a huge week this week, they started off presented for a High St brand (I think she means presenting), then they were whisked off to Norway to work in sub-zero conditions. Don’t they hate that? It’s at this point I notice Kirsty has an actual MANE and Joy is wearing a dress that almost exactly matches her skin tone. Then as soon as they got off the plane they went on a go-see for Stephen Jones. Elle introduces the judges, guest judge this week is Giles Deacon. Giles has worked for people like Gwyneth Paltrow, Lily Allen and Aggy. We hear about the prizes again.
The judging starts with Charlotte. Her photo is good, but her hair is all over her face. Charlotte says that she enjoyed the shoot. Elle lets her know that the brand have chosen her for the advertising campaign. Charlotte is shocked. Julien says that the girl in front of her and the girl in the photo are two different things. I think he thinks one of them isn’t real. I’d go for the photo, Julien. He thinks that this is a good thing though, the key to being a Top Model in fact. He has one criticism though, it’s that if Charlotte ever wanted to become a catwalk model she would need to be slightly thinner, as she’s a bit “round and curvaceous”. Wow, charming. I’m fully expecting Elle to jump to her defence, but she doesn’t, saying her body doesn’t look as good as it could look in the photograph. Elle tries to play this down by saying that her weight fluctuates too and she has to be careful about her legs in photographs. I am shocked and stunned by this. [I think it's par for the course: Julien once told a contestant on Project Catwalk that she was too fat to be a fashion DESIGNER. He's clearly just a bitch. - Steve] Charlie goes on to say that her face looks amazing, and says well done to everyone. He then goes on to tell a story about doing a shoot on the side of the rocky mountains in a pair of pants that nobody really gives a crap about, but they pretend to. Grace says that there can’t have been much to see. Charlie takes umbrage with this until Grace explains that it would be because of the cold. Right.
Amelia is next. Her photo looks like all of her other ones but the makeup and background make her look different. She likes her face and her body in the shot. Grace is impressed that she made the bottles look like a dress. Amelia thinks she is coming across better now. Giles says that one of the keys to being a successful model is to transform in shots, and he can see that she looks different in the photo to what he’s seeing. Julien says that he wants to see her enjoy what she is doing and be more confident. Grace agrees and does a crap impression of Julien.
Alisha is next. She’s pulling a silly face in the photo. She thinks she looks plastic. Grace says she’s her Ice Ice Baby. Is she going to try to get a song lyric in every week? Grace loves the face, Charley thinks that she looks like she doesn’t want to get in the chopper. Julien thinks it would have been a good idea to get back on it though, as she looks tense and she doesn’t make the bottles look good. Alisha tries to protest that she had a difficult dress. Oh, Alisha, have you never seen this before? You never blame the dress. [See? I told you! - Steve] She rescues it though, by saying that she wanted the most difficult dress to show what she could do. Julien says that it’s probably her worst week.
Olivia’s turn. Elle actually likes it, Grace thinks she’s done well in the photo, which is ok, but when it came down to modelling the couture hat, it just wasn’t there. Elle has noticed that Olivia finds it difficult to find poses that work for her and the client. Olivia has the good grace not to blame the dress, which was probably much harder to model in than Alisha’s. Elle feeds back that the photographer thought she wasn’t very good at all, and that they thought she didn’t listen.
Next up is “Joy-Belle”. no, really. They look at her best shot. Joy doesn’t love it. Giles Deacon thinks it looks like the cover of a comedy Christmas single. Grace thinks that she’s trying to channel a different look which she’s pleased to see, but she doesn’t think it worked.
Kirsty’s told to Come On Down. She’s got her arm up in the photo for a change. It looks like she’s holding up her ridiculous hair tree. Giles thinks it’s serene, even though it lacks a certain energy. I thought that’s what serene meant, but today's is the episode where grammar came to die, so I don’t think semantics can really come into it either. Julien thinks that she looks soft and gentle in the picture, even though she looks like Tina Turner on acid in person. Kirsty responds to this with the fakest laugh ever. Way to work that personality, girl. It lacks energy for Charley, and for him it’s a bit so-so. Elle comments on her arm, she thinks it’s a bit of a worry because she doesn’t understand why it’s up. Me neither Elle. Grace doesn’t think she’s pulled it off.
Last but not least is Tiffany. Her photo is a bit odd. She likes the face but not the legs, which she thinks look awkward. Julien doesn’t think it’s her best photograph - she looks cold. Grace would believe it if it was an advert for breath mints, and I immediately understand what the photo looks like. Giles agrees with her. Elle thinks it’s almost there. Elle then feeds back that the photographer told her that Tiffany had asked to “Get on with it”. Tiffany explains that she was turning blue and they came to warm her up, but she wanted to show she was professional and carry on and that it would be stupid to rush on the photographer. Elle thinks it’s a shame that that is the impression the photographer got.
Elle then says that it’s getting harder and harder to chose a girl for elimination, she doesn’t want to lose any of them but they have to make a decision.
First up for discussion is Charlotte. Julien thinks that she’s a natural beauty. Grace is surprised at how bad she was at the hat challenge. Amelia next, Elle says that she scrapes through every week but Charley thinks something has changed in her and it’s showing. Giles thinks she has something but he’s not sure what it is. Everyone agrees that Alisha’s picture is terrible. Elle has noticed a pattern in her photos where it’s either her face or her body that works, but never both of them together. Alisha’s photo is not Giles’ favourite, and he thinks that she looks awkward. Giles immediately focused on Olivia, but Charley is worried that she can’t walk. I think he means model walking specifically, because she seems to be doing fine with the normal kind. Giles thinks that Joy’s photograph is unfortunate because she looks beautiful and interesting in real life - that she seems to have a certain fight in her. I agree. She looks like she’d fight dirty outside the kebab shop at 4am. Julien thinks she’s grown in her confidence. Kirsty wows and seduces the judges with her enthusiasm, but week after week her pictures are mediocre. Julien says he’s always liked Kirsty, but perhaps it was her enthusiasm rather than the model that he liked. It’s funny, because none of the girls like her personality. Finally, Julien is not inspired by Tiff, she’s not a Top Model in his eyes. Elle wants to see more urchin from her. Whatever that means. Grace thinks that she’s got a Sienna Miller thing going on. Julien doesn’t think so, and looks over to his pal Giles and rolls his eyes. Grace presses on, citing her elfin features.
So who goes? Elle explains that at this point in the competition, it’s not just about how they’ve done this week, they’ll be looking at their overall potential as models. She has six photographs in her hands, representing those still in the running.
Charlotte is called first, followed by Amelia who is told she looks surprised. She does. Joy next, then Tiffany and finally Olivia. This leaves Alisha and Kirsty. Alisha is there because she has the face and the body, but they’re not working together. Kirsty is in the bottom two because she has an electrifying personality that’s not coming through in the images. The girl who’s photo is in Elle’s hands has another chance, and it’s Alisha. Alisha immediately bursts into tears.
Kirsty is feeling happy to be going home, because if she wasn’t going to win she’d rather be out sooner rather than later. She thinks that the panel sometimes don’t see her as she is. She doesn’t think that it’s the end for her, she’s a very talented girl and there’s lots of things out there for her. We see her sign off her letter, which says “I took Nicky’s letter because it means alot (sic) to me but when you get out you’ll all find an email with a copy. Kirsty”. No love, no best wishes...Nice. [But for sheer comedy value - best exit letter EVER. - Steve] We see a montage of arms up photos and she fades out the picture. Bye Kirsty!
Join Steven for next week, where we are promised the first beauty shoot, a one on one Chat with Elle and a 20 foot falling photoshoot where Olivia cries. Are you excited? I am.
Hello! Welcome to episode eight of Britain’s Next Top Model. We begin, as always, with a recap of last weeks episode. We get to see Alisha screaming in Ricky Whittle’s face again, Elle says Holly-OAKS wrong again, we see Alisha mauled by surprisingly tanned Zombie hands again and we see Elle squeezing Nicola’s tear-soaked exit face again. We then get to see what’s coming up this week. There is some screaming, some running up an escalator in a High Street Fashion challenge, Alisha is on AGAIN crying about a challenging photoshoot ON ICE and the seven remaining girls will face Elle and the Judges in the elimination room, which to me is sounding more like a posh expression for a toilet every week.
But there can be only one Britain’s Next Top Model (this year). Titles! I’m struck by how much better Tiffany looked with long hair.
Kirsty interviews that when she came home from elimination, she found a letter on the fridge door. She seems pleased that Nicola has written in block capitals across the top of the letter that she has to read it. “Hi Everyone,” reads Kirsty. “You are all such amazing people and I’ve ended up making so many friends. Kirsty, I love you so much, you are such a kind girl. You have helped me a way you didn’t even realise. Love you all, bye and good luck”. Aww. Kirsty breaks down whilst reading this. Alisha pulls a face. She interviews that it was a really emotional letter, and she can understand why Kirsty cried, but she says that everything Kirsty does is really staged. I just think that the only emotion Alisha feels is the desire to be on camera pretty much permanently, so human emotions don’t really register with her.
Joy interviews that she didn’t find it emotional at all, she just thinks that it’s another one gone and it doesn‘t bother her. I think Joy should be on every reality show ever. Can you imagine her on the X Factor? Dermot asks her what she is here to do and she just shrugs and says “Sing a song, what else could I be here for?”. Lovely. ["There's always Asda." - Steve] Tiffany then throws in her tuppence worth. She’s not that bothered about it, because they are there for a reason. She turns to Kirsty and says she’s not going to be all “Like...waah, Nicky” then makes a crying face. “We have to buck up, eh?”. She then mimes drying her eyes. Kirsty looks like she wants to kill everyone in the room.
Some long shots of the house at night before the E-Mail arrives. Olivia reads it. “A Top Model must be prepared for any occasion. Tomorrow is your chance to prove that you too can be ready for any time, any place, anywhere. Charlotte wonders what the hell that means. She interviews that she’s wondering what the hell that means. Olivia can’t put her finger on it. Charlotte doesn’t know AGAIN, but it’s alright, because she’s taking lots of pants. Charlotte seems like the kind of girl that would be prepared.
Some Londonporn. Alisha interviews that everyone is really excited about this task, because they didn’t know what they were doing. Faultless logic again, Alisha. She then tells us that they have arrived at Oxford St, which is one of her favourite places IN THE WORLD. So much so that she LITERALLY knows it like the back of her hand. The girls enter an unidentified shop. Amelia says that they were all excited, because they thought it might be another shopping spree, as cheeky as it sounds. So you want it to be another shopping spree for the spoils then, Amelia?
The girls reach the top of the escalator, and the signs around the shop tell us that they are in New Look. They are greeted by Steph Theobold, who apparently is an Online TV presenter for New Look TV (really) and Charlotte Carey, who is a senior designer for the brand. They are casting for a presenter for their online TV show. Kirsty’s eyes immediately begin to glitter. In order to fulfil the challenge, the girls will each have to pick out seven items of clothing that they can mix and match to create three different looks - An outfit for castings, for parties and for a lazy casual Sunday. Joy’s eyes immediately widen in terror. Charlotte looks confused. Olivia nods knowingly. They’ll have five minutes to choose the outfits, and two to present them. They have all of the (three floor by the sign beside the New look Ladies) flagship store at their disposal.
Charlotte says in voiceover that she’s reminded of Supermarket Sweep when the panic kicks in, and people get a look in their eyes. Amelia says that the store was massive, and they had five minutes to run around the store and get seven items. Yes, Amelia. The nice lady from New Look just told us that. There’s lots of running around. Amelia holds her head and says she can’t do it. Olivia can’t find anything for her casting. Tiffany goes for the scattergun approach and picks up loads of things to decide from at the end. Alisha wants to give up because it’s ridiculous. Olivia hops about with one shoe on.
Steph Theobold gets out her megaphone and tells the girls that their time is up. Steph tells them that there is an extra catch. The contestants will have to pick another girl to model their outfits. Charlotte interviews that after the previous challenge she knows she’s good at presenting. I’m glad the girls are forgetting their British modesty and getting down to proper Top Model business. It’s been a long time coming. Charlotte does do well at the presenting. Kirsty is modelling her clothes, which are not terrible. The New Look Ladies think that she came across as confident, having a laugh and relaxed. They are pleased with her performance. Charlotte looks pleased with herself.
Amelia tells us in interview that she chose Tiffany to model her outfits because she knew she would do them justice. Amelia has chosen a stripy cardigan and a T-shirt with the Eiffel tower on it, which makes Tiffany look Parisian. Who knew? Amelia also informs us that layering is “in”. Tiffany points out that the clothes Amelia had picked were her own style. Yes Tiffany, that’s what one tends to do when they are shopping. Amelia says that she is close to Tiffany, so she knows her personality and she thinks that she looks really good in the clothes. Amelia, Tiffany is only close to you so she can stab you in the back. She just did, there.
Alisha chooses Olivia as her model. Alisha tells everyone that Olivia isn’t wearing any pants, so she can’t actually wear the skirt that she has picked out. The skirt apparently gives a bit of SHIMMER! To the outfit. Really, that’s how she pronounces it. Olivia rolls her eyes in the interview room and complains that she looked like a state in the outfit. Alisha thinks that Olivia should take a leaf out of her book and start dressing in the clothes that she picked out because she thinks it suits her.
Charlotte then pops up again to tell us that Kirsty chose her as her model, which was nice of her. I’m not sure that Kirsty picking another girl to model for her should be added to the list of Why Kirsty Is A Bitch, because she was sort of told to. But nice try anyway, Charlotte. Kirsty puts Charlotte in a Mac which has some ruching. Charlotte is surprised that Kirsty picked some nice outfits. Kirsty uses a double negative, and I judge her. (“She can wear this without no jeans”) Surely that could be added to the Why Kirsty Is A Bitch list?
Joy picks Tiffany to be her model. Joy interviews that she’s “not a very good person at fashion”. Looks like Lynn Truss is coming for Joy too. Tiffany is up next, and she has picked Amelia to model her clothes. She has picked a “girly, chick and hip” dress. I hope she means 'chic'. She has also picked a “funky” jacket.
Olivia chose Alisha to model her clothes because she chose her and she wanted to return the (air quotes) favour. Alisha interviews that when she first saw Olivia’s choices before they were on, she thought they were quite nice, but they are clearly a train wreck on. Olivia interviews that she was glad that Alisha was wearing them and not her, because when she saw them together she thought “hell no”. Alisha is upset because Olivia looked at her like it was her fault. Charlotte laughs at them openly. Alisha wouldn’t wear any of the clothes to a casting in case they thought she was at the wrong casting. I’m not good at fashion, like Joy, so I won’t begin to describe it, but all I will say is that lace featured quite prominently. The New Look Ladies point out that Olivia’s choices were all short and tight. Olivia says that if she had the chance again, she would put a pair of jeans in there. Probably for the best.
The New Look Ladies have chosen a winner. Who’s betting that it’s the only one who they gave feedback to? Yes, it’s Charlotte, for the reasons they have already told her. She will present on the New Look Channel to literally TENS of people. She also wins ten pairs of New Look Shoes. [It's not exactly a "here's £100k worth of diamonds" challenge, is it? Swizz. - Steve] OF COURSE, Alisha isn’t happy that Charlotte won. She thinks that her presenting skills are humorous. I think they are HILARIOUS, Alisha, but perhaps not in the same way as you want me to. Alisha complains that Charlotte didn’t make her laugh. I’m a bit worried that Alisha hasn’t cottoned on that fashion is SRS BIZNESS yet. Olivia gives Alisha the best “shame” look I have ever seen and Alisha looks like she is going to cry. Alisha finishes the segment by saying that she “Should have won, because...I should have won”. I love it when the contestants are articulate. Really plays down those dumb model stereotypes.
Coming up! Screaming on a helicopter! Wearing Bottles! Being welcomed in to the heart of a glacier! Amelia thinks she’s in the Marines! Alisha feels stupid! Adverts.
Back at the house, there are flags everywhere. Amelia has thoughtfully co-ordinated her skirt with them. Alisha and Kirsty start screaming at the flags. Alisha interviews that she was screaming about the flag, but she didn’t know what she was saying yay to. Joy knows from the flags they are going somewhere. Her second thought is where are the flags for. OF COURSE Charlotte knows that the flags are for Norway. [At the very least, they should've recognised the flags from their hand lotion bottles. - Steve] Amelia has an E-Mail telling the girls that they have a few items of clothing on their bed that may come in handy. Their flight leaves in a few hours, they’re off to Norway. Everyone immediately starts jumping and screaming. I’m not sure they know what Norway is. Charlotte reminds everyone to pack. On their beds, the girls have pink snowsuits. This in no way lessens their excitement. They immediately put everything on. Kirsty interviews that she has a feeling they are going to the Fjords. I think this is mainly to show off that she has some knowledge of Norway and what goes on there. Alisha isn’t worried. She lives in England and coldness is “Naturally normal” to her, but if it’s colder than England there may be a problem. Take the clue from the snow suits, Alisha, and keep bashing down those model stereotypes. Tiffany, coming from a hot country, is terrified of the cold.
More Londonporn, and another airport montage. Charlotte tells us the flight was, wait for it, AMAZING. Tiffany says that they felt really special and everyone was looking at them. They are brought Champagne and strawberries, which Charlotte tells us made her feel important. Norwayporn! The girls arrive at what Joy calls Eseport, reportedly at the crack of dawn. They have all changed into their snow suits. They are welcomed to Norway by an unidentified man. Alisha reports that she looked around when she arrived and saw two helicopters. Kirsty doesn’t want to get too excited. The unidentified man is identified as Peter Krogh, who is the CEO of Isklar, which is Icelandic natural mineral water. He tells the girls that Isklar means “Ice Clear” and that they will find this very fitting, as they are being taken to a glacier. They are told that they will be doing a photoshoot on the glacier, wearing dresses made out of bottles. The overriding reaction to this is shock. Peter Krogh tells the girls that the winner will be featured in a marketing campaign and that they will be travelling to their destination by helicopter.
The reactions to this, are, as Charlotte tells us, mixed. Kirsty, Tiffany and Joy (yes, Joy) are excited. Olivia seems unsure because she thinks a glacier is frozen water. Alisha is terrified, of course. She crosses herself and screams for the entire journey. Amelia predicts that Alisha is praying to God. Cut to her crossing herself again. Alisha complains that Charlotte is enjoying the ride whilst she is fearing for her life. Olivia is happy when they arrive both because she is alive and because of the snow. She immediately jumps on Kirsty. Olivia regrets this afterwards because, get this, the snow is cold.
Hair and Makeup montage! Olivia wants silver hair to make her look icy. Alisha appears to have a blue Batman mask painted on. Charlotte gets a white bob wig. Everyone eyes it jealously.
The girls wonder how cold it will be. Peter Krogh informs us that it’s minus five, windy and there is snow in the air, so wearing nothing but bottles will be a challenge. O RLY. Charlotte misinterpreted what wearing a dress made of bottles would actually entail. She didn’t realise that she would be wearing bottles tied together with string. Apparently the string is tight on the dress and it is squeaky. We get a gratuitous shot of Charlotte’s arse. She informs everyone she is naked under the dresses. Alisha is scared.
Charlotte steps out of the snow cart and screams. She interviews that she thought she was going to die. She is informed she has 20 shots. She continues the interview by saying that she began to freeze from the feet up, and that it was difficult to keep the poses edgy and keep her wig on. The Photographer, Ole Marcus Fossen is happy she didn’t complain, even though he was freezing his ass off. Nice sympathy there. Cut to Tiffany with no makeup on, wondering how cold it’s going to be. Alisha says she has a good pain threshold. Tiffany says she has none. Good luck with that. Charlotte comes back in saying that she didn’t have to be out there that long. Kirsty is worried.
Amelia next, who lies through her teeth by saying that she didn’t feel the cold as much as she should have, because she was concentrating on getting a good picture, which is what she should be doing. She shouts that it’s like being in the Marines. She feels that she’s got a lot more to prove after being in the bottom two last week. She said she really enjoyed what she did and didn’t want to come off, so it’s a mystery even to her why she burst into tears when she got back. You got upset because it was horrible Amelia, ADMIT IT. When probed by Charlotte, she admits that it’s “too much”. Atta girl.
Alisha next. Her dress doesn’t cover her boobs even a little bit. She declares her dress a “Death Sentence”. She interviews that she nearly didn’t go out there, but she remembered that it was a competition and that she has to do whatever it takes. She goes on to say that the cold was different to opening the freezer to get chicken nuggets, it was actually freezing. Alisha, I’m pretty sure a freezer freezes stuff, but I could be wrong. [I vote we chuck her into one of those giant deep-freezes just to compare. - Steve] She continues by saying that the shoot felt like sunbathing in the North Pole, and when it snowed the “Ice things” (I’m guessing snowflakes) dug into her skin and went into her eyes. She thinks she’s done the best I can do. The photographer likes the poses but her face wasn’t up to scratch. When she returns, she gets stung by the warm air on her cold skin and immediately starts to cry. Unfortunately, she is not around to slag herself off for putting stuff on for the cameras, so the duty falls to Charlotte, who isn’t sure if it was an overreaction, but Alisha definitely was hysterical. Olivia interviews that she probably would’ve cried as well...maybe...ish.
Olivia appears to have drawn an even shorter dress straw than Alisha, as she has one that she can’t move her arms or legs in. She didn’t realise what she was going to be doing until she was doing it. The photographer wanted strong, face on poses but she wasn’t doing it.
Joy next. She interviews that she thought she was going to pass out because breathing hurt. She says that the photographer told her she was moving too much, but she was moving around a lot to keep warm.
Kirsty interviews that this is THE hardest photoshoot. She has the same hairdo she has in the opening credits, only sprayed silver. The photographer wants her to be more robotic. He didn’t think that she gave them.
Tiffany is the last to go up. She interviews that this was a disadvantage, as she had to watch everyone come back freezing, shaking and crying saying it was horrible. She panicked when she saw how much it was snowing. She also reports that the stylists thought that she looked really cold and they came with blankets for her, but she wanted to continue to show that she was able to do it. I believe you, Tiffany. Peter Krogh tells us immediately that he interpreted this as impatience. The photographer is disappointed and she seemed that she didn’t want to be photographed. Back at the hut, Tiffany says that she was shaking so much she couldn’t breathe, but she’s done it, and she’s proud of herself.
Coming up! Hats can kill you! Elimination!
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After the break, we’re still in Norway. Charlotte explains that they are going out to dinner in a fancy restaurant. They are informed that the main course will be Ox. Olivia is confused. Amelia says Ox isn’t great for her because her dog looks a bit like a cow. I can’t add anything to this revelation. I have been literally stunned into silence. It’s broken every single sarcastic, cynical part of me. I may need a moment to carry on.
...
Back to business, Alisha complains that Amelia is upset. That’s more like it.
Charlotte isn’t happy that there are some of her number that do not like rocket. Olivia hates rocket and avocado. Alisha hates rocket. Amelia hates it too, and doesn’t understand why everyone has to keep going on about it. The next course arrives, the Ox, and Olivia describes it as “some potato thing that was stuck in a rock”, or at least that’s what it sounds like. She then proceeds to scrape off the sauce and loudly refers to her napkin as the “purple thing”. Tiffany looks mortified, and says in her interview that there are always going to be people who moan, but she thought Olivia was really rude.
An E- Mail arrives at the dinner table. It is read by Charlotte. It reads “Your next challenge will see you walking tall if you want to stay a-head in the competition. The cars will meet you at Gatwick bright and early love Elle”. Amelia immediately suggests that they are going to be on stilts. Alisha thinks this is madness, but Olivia runs with the idea. Clearly excited, she starts going on about Covent Garden and stilt walkers who walk like them clown men. Tiffany gives her a look of distilled contempt more frozen than the glacier.
We see their plane leave the frozen airport. Alisha says in her interview that she loved coming back to England, because nothing feels better than home. Kirsty reports that they all slept for the whole journey. Tiffany can’t believe everyone has to go straight to a challenge, because in her opinion, nobody looked good. They arrive at the Dorchester. Tiffany goes on to say that she is in shock, because it’s the most famous hotel in London.
Charlotte reports that when she walked in the room she saw Grace and a little man. She didn’t know who the man was. Kirsty reports that his name is Stephen Jones, because she knows about fashion and that. Grace welcomes the girls back to London, and to the glamorous Dorchester hotel. She explains that the challenge will be with THE milliner, Stephen Jones, OBE. Alisha still looks blank. As does Joy. You can imagine which one seems to care less.
Stephen Jones explains to the girls that celebrities love hats, and that his first clients were Boy George, then almost immediately after that, DIANA. These days he has to make do with Beyonce and Lady Gaga. The girls’ challenge with the hats is to make them their own. Stephen Jones wants to see authority, elegance, grace and poise because a hat can either make you the most important person on the runway or KILL YOU COMPLETLEY. Charlotte is dreading it, Tiffany doesn’t know how to model that stuff because some of them were big and extreme. The challenge involves walking a bit and posing on a podium.
Amelia is up first, and she doesn’t like it because she didn’t know what was going to happen. Grace wants her to be “less Eliza Doolittle at the races and more Duchess”, whatever that means. Stephen clears this up by saying “Aristocratic”. Aah. Amelia takes this to mean “suck your cheeks in”. Stephen wants to see more jaw line, and Grace gets her Duchess.
Kirsty next. Joy says in her interview that Joy seems to be a bit of a hat freak. Kirsty’s hat is a sideways mini top hat. Stephen likes her in it. Grace wanted to see more balls out craziness, again, whatever that means. Kirsty looks suitably confused, as does Stephen. Grace says, by way of explanation, that is what she expects from Kirsty. Kirsty insists in her interview that she can show that with a smile. Stephen praises her elegance but says that he wasn’t getting the crazy. That he didn’t seem to want. Kirsty feels damned both ways and I don’t blame her.
Joy next. Her hat is a branch with pink silk flowers on it, which she says in her interview reminded her of reindeer antlers with leaves stuck on them. Joy goes on to say that she knows she’s crap at catwalk, and she’s probably going to break her ankle or trip over and walk like a weirdo. She has a little wobble on the podium as she’s told to remember her fluidity. Grace tells her she walks like she’s got a ton of bricks on her head, not some silk flowers.
Tiffany is nervous. Stephen is challenged by Tiffany’s short blonde hair. Tiffany then interviews that she doesn’t know why she keeps getting nervous, because it doesn’t go well for her. She gets a hat that looks like it’s made of melted Perspex. Her poses are cute, very nice and very Dior.
Alisha is told to pull up to the bumper next. She was really happy with the choice, which was the same hat as Joy’s. Grace loves her face, but thinks that there is something wrong with her body. Apparently it’s her arms, which she now must make sure that nobody notices. Alicia interviews that she feels deformed and that Grace had cut her arms of. She doesn’t really like that.
Olivia is worried because Grace always says she walks like a tranny. Tiffany thinks Olivia has a funny walk. The girls barely conceal their amusement. Grace thinks Olivia needs to come out of herself and make herself more expensive. So what you’re basically saying, Grace, is that Olivia is cheap. Olivia is just happy not to be told that she walks like a tranny.
Charlotte gets a leather rose and a veil. She doesn’t think catwalk is her strong point. She says that she was nervous and it showed. Joy gleefully points out in her interview that Charlotte was “pulling a dodgy cod eye”, complete with impressions. Charlotte says that the hat was poking her in the eye so she couldn’t see where she was going. Alisha doesn’t think that that is an excuse, because Charlotte has two eyes. [Yeah, who needs depth perception, anyway? - Steve] Grace asks if the hat is poking her in the eye, Charlotte answers honestly, then Grace tells her off because she’s going to have bones, pins and things in her eye and it shouldn‘t spoil her focus. Charlotte takes this with good grace in front of Grace and Stephen but bitches in interview that she was asked a direct question and still got the blame. [In fairness, anyone who's seen any iteration of the Top Model franchise before surely knows that you must never blame your outfit for your performance, because whatever happens, It Is Always Your Fault. - Steve]
Alisha feels sorry for Charlotte because unless she picks up her game, she could be going home. Yay team spirit!
Overall, the challenge winner, much to Stephen’s surprise is Tiffany. He thinks she’s a complete natural. Tiffany is over the moon to win her first challenge. I’m glad because in the challenges she’s lost, she hasn’t seen the challenges as that important, so I’m glad she’s decided this one is. Her prize is a hat. Kirsty is jealous that Tiffany’s got a Stephen Jones hat.
Back at the house, an E-Mail tells the girls that they have learned that “being a model can be fast paced and glamorous but can also be work, work, work. Find out tomorrow which one of you hasn’t made the grade see you at elimination love Elle Kiss.” That is exactly how Tiffany reads it. Amelia thinks it’s going to be a mean one this week. Charlotte is so worried she’s not going to sleep. Kirsty and Joy think that Amelia is overtired. She agrees. Kirsty says that she thinks she may go this week. She says that although she has the personality, the other girls have something she doesn’t. Modesty perhaps? The ability not to rub everyone up the wrong way. Tiffany thinks the photoshoot was problematic. Alisha says that she had snow blowing in every hole you could think of whilst she was having her photo taken. She thinks she will be slaughtered by Julien and hanged. Yep, she’s worried.
Coming up! Grace says someone looks like Sienna Miller (too far Grace) and that someone hasn’t pulled it off.
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The girls walk into the elimination room, all of them clearly nervous. Elle reminds them that they’ve had a huge week this week, they started off presented for a High St brand (I think she means presenting), then they were whisked off to Norway to work in sub-zero conditions. Don’t they hate that? It’s at this point I notice Kirsty has an actual MANE and Joy is wearing a dress that almost exactly matches her skin tone. Then as soon as they got off the plane they went on a go-see for Stephen Jones. Elle introduces the judges, guest judge this week is Giles Deacon. Giles has worked for people like Gwyneth Paltrow, Lily Allen and Aggy. We hear about the prizes again.
The judging starts with Charlotte. Her photo is good, but her hair is all over her face. Charlotte says that she enjoyed the shoot. Elle lets her know that the brand have chosen her for the advertising campaign. Charlotte is shocked. Julien says that the girl in front of her and the girl in the photo are two different things. I think he thinks one of them isn’t real. I’d go for the photo, Julien. He thinks that this is a good thing though, the key to being a Top Model in fact. He has one criticism though, it’s that if Charlotte ever wanted to become a catwalk model she would need to be slightly thinner, as she’s a bit “round and curvaceous”. Wow, charming. I’m fully expecting Elle to jump to her defence, but she doesn’t, saying her body doesn’t look as good as it could look in the photograph. Elle tries to play this down by saying that her weight fluctuates too and she has to be careful about her legs in photographs. I am shocked and stunned by this. [I think it's par for the course: Julien once told a contestant on Project Catwalk that she was too fat to be a fashion DESIGNER. He's clearly just a bitch. - Steve] Charlie goes on to say that her face looks amazing, and says well done to everyone. He then goes on to tell a story about doing a shoot on the side of the rocky mountains in a pair of pants that nobody really gives a crap about, but they pretend to. Grace says that there can’t have been much to see. Charlie takes umbrage with this until Grace explains that it would be because of the cold. Right.
Amelia is next. Her photo looks like all of her other ones but the makeup and background make her look different. She likes her face and her body in the shot. Grace is impressed that she made the bottles look like a dress. Amelia thinks she is coming across better now. Giles says that one of the keys to being a successful model is to transform in shots, and he can see that she looks different in the photo to what he’s seeing. Julien says that he wants to see her enjoy what she is doing and be more confident. Grace agrees and does a crap impression of Julien.
Alisha is next. She’s pulling a silly face in the photo. She thinks she looks plastic. Grace says she’s her Ice Ice Baby. Is she going to try to get a song lyric in every week? Grace loves the face, Charley thinks that she looks like she doesn’t want to get in the chopper. Julien thinks it would have been a good idea to get back on it though, as she looks tense and she doesn’t make the bottles look good. Alisha tries to protest that she had a difficult dress. Oh, Alisha, have you never seen this before? You never blame the dress. [See? I told you! - Steve] She rescues it though, by saying that she wanted the most difficult dress to show what she could do. Julien says that it’s probably her worst week.
Olivia’s turn. Elle actually likes it, Grace thinks she’s done well in the photo, which is ok, but when it came down to modelling the couture hat, it just wasn’t there. Elle has noticed that Olivia finds it difficult to find poses that work for her and the client. Olivia has the good grace not to blame the dress, which was probably much harder to model in than Alisha’s. Elle feeds back that the photographer thought she wasn’t very good at all, and that they thought she didn’t listen.
Next up is “Joy-Belle”. no, really. They look at her best shot. Joy doesn’t love it. Giles Deacon thinks it looks like the cover of a comedy Christmas single. Grace thinks that she’s trying to channel a different look which she’s pleased to see, but she doesn’t think it worked.
Kirsty’s told to Come On Down. She’s got her arm up in the photo for a change. It looks like she’s holding up her ridiculous hair tree. Giles thinks it’s serene, even though it lacks a certain energy. I thought that’s what serene meant, but today's is the episode where grammar came to die, so I don’t think semantics can really come into it either. Julien thinks that she looks soft and gentle in the picture, even though she looks like Tina Turner on acid in person. Kirsty responds to this with the fakest laugh ever. Way to work that personality, girl. It lacks energy for Charley, and for him it’s a bit so-so. Elle comments on her arm, she thinks it’s a bit of a worry because she doesn’t understand why it’s up. Me neither Elle. Grace doesn’t think she’s pulled it off.
Last but not least is Tiffany. Her photo is a bit odd. She likes the face but not the legs, which she thinks look awkward. Julien doesn’t think it’s her best photograph - she looks cold. Grace would believe it if it was an advert for breath mints, and I immediately understand what the photo looks like. Giles agrees with her. Elle thinks it’s almost there. Elle then feeds back that the photographer told her that Tiffany had asked to “Get on with it”. Tiffany explains that she was turning blue and they came to warm her up, but she wanted to show she was professional and carry on and that it would be stupid to rush on the photographer. Elle thinks it’s a shame that that is the impression the photographer got.
Elle then says that it’s getting harder and harder to chose a girl for elimination, she doesn’t want to lose any of them but they have to make a decision.
First up for discussion is Charlotte. Julien thinks that she’s a natural beauty. Grace is surprised at how bad she was at the hat challenge. Amelia next, Elle says that she scrapes through every week but Charley thinks something has changed in her and it’s showing. Giles thinks she has something but he’s not sure what it is. Everyone agrees that Alisha’s picture is terrible. Elle has noticed a pattern in her photos where it’s either her face or her body that works, but never both of them together. Alisha’s photo is not Giles’ favourite, and he thinks that she looks awkward. Giles immediately focused on Olivia, but Charley is worried that she can’t walk. I think he means model walking specifically, because she seems to be doing fine with the normal kind. Giles thinks that Joy’s photograph is unfortunate because she looks beautiful and interesting in real life - that she seems to have a certain fight in her. I agree. She looks like she’d fight dirty outside the kebab shop at 4am. Julien thinks she’s grown in her confidence. Kirsty wows and seduces the judges with her enthusiasm, but week after week her pictures are mediocre. Julien says he’s always liked Kirsty, but perhaps it was her enthusiasm rather than the model that he liked. It’s funny, because none of the girls like her personality. Finally, Julien is not inspired by Tiff, she’s not a Top Model in his eyes. Elle wants to see more urchin from her. Whatever that means. Grace thinks that she’s got a Sienna Miller thing going on. Julien doesn’t think so, and looks over to his pal Giles and rolls his eyes. Grace presses on, citing her elfin features.
So who goes? Elle explains that at this point in the competition, it’s not just about how they’ve done this week, they’ll be looking at their overall potential as models. She has six photographs in her hands, representing those still in the running.
Charlotte is called first, followed by Amelia who is told she looks surprised. She does. Joy next, then Tiffany and finally Olivia. This leaves Alisha and Kirsty. Alisha is there because she has the face and the body, but they’re not working together. Kirsty is in the bottom two because she has an electrifying personality that’s not coming through in the images. The girl who’s photo is in Elle’s hands has another chance, and it’s Alisha. Alisha immediately bursts into tears.
Kirsty is feeling happy to be going home, because if she wasn’t going to win she’d rather be out sooner rather than later. She thinks that the panel sometimes don’t see her as she is. She doesn’t think that it’s the end for her, she’s a very talented girl and there’s lots of things out there for her. We see her sign off her letter, which says “I took Nicky’s letter because it means alot (sic) to me but when you get out you’ll all find an email with a copy. Kirsty”. No love, no best wishes...Nice. [But for sheer comedy value - best exit letter EVER. - Steve] We see a montage of arms up photos and she fades out the picture. Bye Kirsty!
Join Steven for next week, where we are promised the first beauty shoot, a one on one Chat with Elle and a 20 foot falling photoshoot where Olivia cries. Are you excited? I am.
Saturday, 21 August 2010
A nightmare on Elle's street
Top 8: 16th August 2010
Previously: The girls flogged Alesha Dixon's jewellery range (who knew?) on Gems TV, then jetting off to Spain for a swimwear shoot. Amba left, and cried. At some point in the future: the girls go to Liverpool to appear in HollyOAKS (bless Elle Macpherson for emphasising the wrong syllable) and get screamed at by a crazy lady. More so than usual, I mean.
Titles. Seriously: there's an Olivia?
Model manor. The girls troop in, having just been separated from Amba. Amelia interviews that they could hear her crying offstage after she left. Hmm, awkward. Amelia reads out the letter that Amba left: "Dear girls, it seems it's my time to leave the competition, and I really just wanted to wish all of you the best of luck. I'll miss all of the things this competition brings. Learn from my mistakes and keep going. You're fab. Stay strong girlies, lots of love, Amba." Nicola interviews that she was gutted to be in the bottom two. "It's like saying that you were the worst of the bunch." Except not, because the actual worst of the bunch was Amba, because she was the one who got eliminated. It's not that complicated, Nicola. Alisha interviews that she's so close now. I mean, she's in the Top 8! That's practically victory! After all, Hayley made it to the Top 8 last year. Remember Hayley? Anyone? Hello? Amelia sticks Amba's letter to the fridge.
The next day, there is E-mail, read by Charlotte: "Ladies, congratulations for getting this far in the competition. Within every top model, there is a hidden actor waiting to get out. I want you to dig deep and release her. Be ready for 6.30am prompt. Love Elle." Amelia wonders if they're going to be on EastEnders. Aim lower, Amelia. Much lower. [It's funny how Susan's internal actor got her booted, but I'm probably looking for logic where none exists - Helen]
Tiffany slurs that they had a long drive the next day and no one knew where they were going. Eventually they started spotting signs for Liverpool, which can only mean one thing: Hollyoaks! Well, at least they're in no danger of being conspicuously bad at acting in this crowd, I guess. They're met by Ricky Whittle and Hollie-Jay Bowes, and Alisha, predictably, loses her shit completely. I'm starting to think she literally never left the house until she signed up for this competition. Ricky greets them, and Charlotte and Alisha swoon in interviews. They start off on a tour of the set. Joy interviews that it's not like you see it on TV. Kirsty and Nicola get very confused about how all the wrong buildings lead onto each other. Alisha is surprised at how small everything is, and amused that the McQueen house has no upstairs. [Why wouldn't there be an upstairs in a house made of MDF? Oh... - Helen]
The girls are led back to the SU Bar, where they're met by Melissa Walton (who went to school with my boyfriend - SLEB CONNECTION), Kevin Sacre, Nathalie Emmanuel, Jessica Fox, Kris Deedigan, Anthony Quinlan and Bronagh Waugh, along with series producer, Paul Marquess. He's reading from a card, which bodes well, doesn't it? He tells them that to be a model, they need to be able to act. All credit to him for delivering that line while standing next to Nathalie "Speak & Spell" Emmanuel without cracking up. He splits them into four groups. Nicola and Olivia must act out a scenario that ends in tears. What I wouldn't give for their scene to be "Lucy Allan's tenure as producer of Hollyoaks." Joy and Alisha must do a scene ending in a catfight. Charlotte and Tiffany will act out a scene ending in a confession, and Amelia and Kirsty will be acting out a scenario that ends in death. Which, although they don't know it yet, will also be the deciding task in the final of this show.
Alisha and Joy talk to Jessica and Kris about playing two wannabe models at a casting. Jessica tells them to be more subtle. Amelia and Kirsty have decided to play adopted siblings fighting over their father's inheritance. Nathalie Emmanuel watches them silently. She doesn't take notes, though she probably should. Tiffany and Charlotte are with Melissa and Kevin, who tell them not to plan the whole story out (and anyone who's watched Hollyoaks for any protracted period of time will know how that feels) and let the rest just flow. They keep giggling. Nicola interviews that this was the worst challenge she's ever been set, because she can't act to save her life. Olivia asks if they can be crying about death, even though one of the other teams have death as their storyline. They get the go-ahead to do that, and Olivia does some quite convincing crying. Alisha starts pulling Joy's hair.
After ten minutes, they have to perform for each other. Amelia and Kirsty go first, because they want to get it over and done with. Their scene is actually quite good, though due to a blocking mishap, Amelia's "death" occurs off the side of the set. Tiffany and Charlotte are next, and they're both slightly stilted. Their scene also appears to be about death (morbid lot, aren't they?). Amelia interviews that she didn't know what Charlotte's confession would be. Charlotte's confession turns out to be that the dead mother they're discussing wasn't actually Tiffany's real mum. DOOF! DOOF! DOFF-DOFF-DOFF-DOFF-DOFF-DOFF! Nicola and Olivia do their scene next, and Olivia is really good, though she interviews that she couldn't actually make the tears come out. Finally, Alisha and Joy do their skit, and Joy displays an impressive ability to play a total bitch. Who knew? Their scene is quite comic and gets laughs from the audience. Alisha interviews that Joy went for the attack a lot more in the performance than she did in rehearsals, and as a result, their fight looks quite realistic. They go thudding to the ground, and the audience jumps. Alisha interviews that it was great because she's wanted to slap Joy all week. Heh.
Paul Marquess sacks the actual cast and hires the girls instead. Oh wait, he doesn't do that (though I wouldn't have blamed him if he had), he announces that one winner can pick a friend to go on a double date with two actors from the show. The winner is...Joy, who looks shell-shocked. She interviews that she thought Olivia or Kirsty would've won. And indeed, either of those would also have been excellent choices. In an interview, Alisha rants that it was her idea. I have some sympathy, as the same thing happened to me in an audition for a play at university once (long story short: we were auditioning in groups, I came up with a really cool idea of how to play the scene, despite everyone else just wanting to do it really straight and boring, we got loads of laughs, and then everyone got a part except me. NOT THAT I'M STILL BITTER.) Joy picks Alisha to join her on the reward.
Commercials.
When we return, Alisha and Joy are arriving for their double date with Kris Deedigan and Nico Mirallegro. Joy, slightly missing the point, interviews that it was nice to go out with Alisha and get to know her a bit better. Alisha subsequently interviews that she didn't want to go on a date with Joy, because she's moany and sweary. That's gratitude for you. They all seem to be having a nice time, though. Alisha interviews that she doesn't drink, and therefore doesn't really know her alcohol-tolerance threshold. Translation: she's a lightweight, and she's about to get wasted. Yay! Alisha is enjoying the cocktails, but Joy wants a lager. In yet another ranty interview, Alisha screams that Joy is "a lady, not a man". Speaking of things that are not, Alisha, it is also NOT 1954. If Joy wants a lager, let her have a lager. Sheesh. Alisha continues to complain that Nico and Kris were more fun than Joy was and kept her going for the whole night. That's what she said. No, literally, that is what she said.
Back in the hotel bedroom, an E-Mail comes under the door. Alisha and Joy get theirs delivered by a waiter. Kirsty reads it out to the girls: "Well done ladies, you all worked really hard. Now you will get another chance to shine. Tomorrow you will need to be back on set for 6am where you will be recording a real life episode." The girls scream. Back at the bar, Joy learns that as the challenge winner, she will have a speaking part. They go to leave, and predictably, Alisha is absolutely trollied. The other three are holding her up, and Alisha falls up the stairs on her way back to bed. Alisha decides to go and wake up Olivia and Amelia, the latter of whom has some seriously snazzy pyjamas. They tell her, quite politely considering the circumstances, that she's drunk and should go away. Joy finds her script, and Alisha insists on acting it through with her, drunkenly. "When it said 'beat', she was beating on the table," Joy giggles in an interview. Alisha wonders why people want to get drunk, and tells the kids that they shouldn't drink.
The next day, the girls are greeted on set by Hollyoaks senior publicist Rachel Hardy, who tells them that because they produce FIVE SHOWS A WEEK, they have to turn around quickly. Unsurprisingly, they will be wearing underwear again. Amelia interviews that they're always naked on this programme, and it should be called Britain's Next Naked Model. She's got a point, hasn't she? In the dressing room, she complains that she's come here to model and she's never worn a dress. Alisha interviews that she has seen her breasts more than she has seen her head. I think she's still drunk. Joy practices her line with everyone in turn. "The script was quite comical, but I expect that out of Hollyoaks," she interviews. Again: don't we all? The girls are greeted by director Penny Shales, who introduces them to Carley Stenson, Bronagh Waugh and Dean Aspen, who will be in their scene today. The girls parade through a scene in their underwear, and then Joy rehearses for her scene with Dean, in which he tries to give her his number and she rips him to shreds. Alisha interviews that Joy is doing very well. Dean interviews afterwards that Joy was a pleasure to work with and did a great job. The scene wraps, and the girls applaud themselves.
After the commercials, there is more E-Mail, read by Alisha: "Ladies! Are you ready to face things that go bump in the night? Sometimes modelling can be a scream. Be ready at 8am. Love Elle." Alisha interviews that she doesn't like horrible things, haunted places or horror movies. She's not going to like what's coming. The girls arrive at a spooky house, complete with schlocky horror effects. They have to walk down a corridor, where the lights go off. A woman runs out covered in blood and screaming, and the girls all freak. Then a mysterious figure emerges, and lights a torch under his face: it's Charley. Being lit from that angle doesn't do him any favours, by the way. Charley tells them that their photoshoot will be paying homage to some of the greatest horror movie scream queens. They head into make-up, and Joy is excited about the theme because she loves horror films. Anyone surprised? Amelia is cold, and thinks the building really is haunted. Charlotte is feeling less scared than when she arrived, "because I did cry, when that girl chased us down the corridor." Hee. Charley arrives with their photographer, Matthew Brindle, who is a man of few words.
Alisha's up first, and she's being attacked by zombies, which are clawing their way through a door behind her. I think the terror on her face is real, and Alisha confirms this. "I was really scared," she says. "I actually did want them to stop touching me." She explains that it was not the sort of shoot where you can look pretty, so she tried to model with her torso and put the fear on her face. That's actually quite sensible; I have nothing sarcastic to add. Matthew thinks Alisha did well, but he did have to keep reminding her to be glamorous. Amelia has to run down the corridor away from a knife-wielding man. Matthew tells her to put her arms down when she runs; Amelia continues to run with her arms out. Nicola is being Janet Leigh in Psycho. She interviews that she found the whole thing weird and kind of funny. Charley thinks she needs to be less self-conscious. Joy has to be possessed, which apparently means wearing a rubber leotard and being chained to a hospital bed with no mattress. She thinks she is being more positive than she has been, and leaves the photoshoot happy for the most part. Tiffany has lots of prosthetics to make her look bloody, and is wielding an axe. She interviews that it's hard to look pretty, angry and crazy. I dunno, Tyra Banks manages it quite often. Charley likes the variation in her poses. Charlotte is next, and the photographer wants her with her hair in the air. Charlotte interviews that to achieve that while still facing the camera involves really flicking her neck, and it really hurt. I sympathise to some extent, but I also wonder if Charlotte might be a bit of a wimp. Matthew calls her his favourite of the day, because she pulled off some tricky direction and was charming to boot. Olivia's direction is thus: "we're going to have you down here, eating a man". And they say this show is soft porn! She's actually a zombie eating guts, and seems to be doing a great job, though she worries in an interview later about not actually trying to look pretty. Charley and Matthew seem happy with her work, though. Kirsty also has a lot of prosthetics, and has to play someone who's been stabbed and is dying. She gleefully shows us backstage how her knife is attached. She interviews that she was pleased with her performance, and thinks that if she goes, she'll go out on a high note. Alisha and Charlotte interview that Kirsty's kind of cocky.
Which brings us to: bitch edit time! Back at Model Manor, Joy interviews that Kirsty came downstairs and asked if anyone had a problem with her. And it turned out everyone did [Schoolgirl error, Kirsty - Helen]. Kirsty tells them that she has nothing but kindness for all of them, and she doesn't understand why they don't like her. Alisha tells Kirsty that it feels like Kirsty thinks she's the best one there. Tiffany says that she's "never met someone so 'look at me!'" Alisha rants in an interview that Kirsty doesn't give anyone else a chance to speak or do anything. Kirsty gets quite upset and says that she isn't trying to be a bitch. Charlotte explains to her that she finds Kirsty hard to be around, not because she's a nasty person, which she isn't, but because she's just too much. Joy thinks that Kirsty handled the situation well. Kirsty tells them that they've helped her by telling her all these things. I suspect this saga is not over.
Commercials. God, bloody Cheryl Cole gets everywhere.
Judgement chamber. The girls file in, to be greeted by Elle, who tells them they've had a dramatic week. There's the usual run-through of judges, including guest judge Matthew Brindle, and the prizes. We see a clip of their appearance on Hollyoaks, which Elle thinks they all did an amazing job in.
Joy's first up, and is congratulated for winning this week's challenge. Her possession shot is terrifying, and actually quite brilliant. Elle thinks she looks like "a debauched goth". Julien loves her picture and is really pleased for her to be back in the running. Matthew tells her she just needs to be more confident. Olivia is next, and her zombie picture is hideous, in a good way. Elle loves it because "I haven't seen you look like this!" Well, yes, because this isn't Britain's Next Top Zombie (although I would watch the shit out of that show if it existed). She thinks it's one of the best shots of the whole competition. Charley thinks she was motivated throughout the whole shoot. Julien is impressed with her versatility, compared to her sexy shot from last week. Tiffany's axe-crazy shot is great, and the judges love it. Charley says that she was really diverse on the shoot, and Matthew is impressed that she made the light prop-axe look really heavy. Grace is impressed that she still looks beautiful despite everything. Alisha's zombie shot gets less of a warm reaction; Elle thinks she looks like she's enjoying being grabbed by zombies, and Grace thinks it looks like she's "in a zombie musical". Matthew tells her she has a strong face, but needs to work on being more soft. Grace tells her it's not her best shot. Kirsty's "left to die on the stairs" shot is stunning, but Grace thinks it could be a catalogue shot, which is not a compliment. Julien doesn't think it covers the danger of the scenario, but Matthew is impressed that she looked beautiful even as she was "dying" and Elle thinks she nailed it [It was rather admirable of Kirsty to try and steal the whole thing by being beautiful when the other girls had to be ugly. After the way they treated her, I don't blame her - Helen]. Charlotte's poltergeist shot is freaky, and Matthew informs the panel how well she worked on the day. Grace can't believe that Charlotte was just jumping rather than being suspended, because the action in her hands and feet is so believable [I didn't get this. It's believable because it's REAL Grace - Helen]. Then Julien ruins it all by saying that they need a reality check, because it's not a good picture - it's not scary or creepy and she doesn't look good in it. He doesn't think she has any versatility as a model. Julien sucks. Charlotte returns to the line-up with tears in her eyes. Nicola puts a consoling arm around her waist. Nicola is next, and Elle asks her if she's about to cry. Nicola admits that she's a bit upset for Charlotte. Grace tells her that it's a competition, and it's a dog-eat-dog world out there, etc etc, so she'll have to harden up. Nicola puts her "granny glasses" on to view the shot, which Charley likes but Grace does not, because she thinks it looks more like toothache. Matthew thinks she needs a better awareness of the camera. Elle thinks she should be better at that by this stage. Amelia's picture is not great, and Matthew brings up the whole arms thing. Elle likes the image, but finds her stance awkward. Julien likes it because she looks ugly and unlike herself for once, though it's not her best.
Deliberation. Joy's picture gets rave reviews, and Julien's happy she's got her confidence back. Olivia also gets great feedback, but Grace isn't sure she's a great model yet. Charley thinks Alisha's hard work on the shoot hasn't translated. Matthew loves Tiffany, as do Charley and Elle. Grace doesn't see the acting in Kirsty's shoot. Matthew loves Charlotte's shot, but Julien doesn't think she looks good as a model. Elle thinks she fulfiled the brief, and so does Charley. Elle tells Julien he's outnumbered. Heh. Elle says that she loves the photograph of Nicola because of the art direction. Matthew says there weren't many to choose from because her body was often turned away from the camera. Julien thinks she hasn't the body to be a top model. Matthew was looking forward to shooting with Amelia, but her heart wasn't in it. Charley thinks she can't take direction. Grace thinks there are two strong contenders to go home.
Eight beautiful scream queens stand before Elle, but she only has seven photographs. First call-out goes to Olivia, who Elle says has totally earned it. Joy is second, then Tiffany, "Poltergeist Girl", Kirsty and Alisha. This leaves Amelia and Nicola in the bottom two. Elle tells Nicola that she started out strong, but recently her photographs are starting to fade. (Didn't this seem to happen around the time she found her glasses? Could the two be linked? Quick, Nicola, go back to the darkness!) Amelia is the kind of girl who turns heads, but needs to learn to translate her great genes into great photographs. So who gets to stay on? Amelia. Elle hugs Nicola and tells her she did really well. Nicola leaves, tearfully. Everyone remaining seems to be in tears as well.
Back at Model Manor, Nicola says she feels disappointed with herself because she was in the bottom two last week, so she knew she needed to up her game, which she doesn't feel she did. She really wants to model, so she's going to go to agencies and keep pushing, because she doesn't want to do anything else. We see her fairly decent portfolio, and then she fades out of the group shot. Aw. I'll miss Nicola. I so thought she'd make the final, but I guess it wasn't to be.
Next week: the girls hit the high street for a fashion challenge, model couture hats, go off in a helicopter, and have their pictures taken on ice. Helen will be here with all the details. Join her then!
Previously: The girls flogged Alesha Dixon's jewellery range (who knew?) on Gems TV, then jetting off to Spain for a swimwear shoot. Amba left, and cried. At some point in the future: the girls go to Liverpool to appear in HollyOAKS (bless Elle Macpherson for emphasising the wrong syllable) and get screamed at by a crazy lady. More so than usual, I mean.
Titles. Seriously: there's an Olivia?
Model manor. The girls troop in, having just been separated from Amba. Amelia interviews that they could hear her crying offstage after she left. Hmm, awkward. Amelia reads out the letter that Amba left: "Dear girls, it seems it's my time to leave the competition, and I really just wanted to wish all of you the best of luck. I'll miss all of the things this competition brings. Learn from my mistakes and keep going. You're fab. Stay strong girlies, lots of love, Amba." Nicola interviews that she was gutted to be in the bottom two. "It's like saying that you were the worst of the bunch." Except not, because the actual worst of the bunch was Amba, because she was the one who got eliminated. It's not that complicated, Nicola. Alisha interviews that she's so close now. I mean, she's in the Top 8! That's practically victory! After all, Hayley made it to the Top 8 last year. Remember Hayley? Anyone? Hello? Amelia sticks Amba's letter to the fridge.
The next day, there is E-mail, read by Charlotte: "Ladies, congratulations for getting this far in the competition. Within every top model, there is a hidden actor waiting to get out. I want you to dig deep and release her. Be ready for 6.30am prompt. Love Elle." Amelia wonders if they're going to be on EastEnders. Aim lower, Amelia. Much lower. [It's funny how Susan's internal actor got her booted, but I'm probably looking for logic where none exists - Helen]
Tiffany slurs that they had a long drive the next day and no one knew where they were going. Eventually they started spotting signs for Liverpool, which can only mean one thing: Hollyoaks! Well, at least they're in no danger of being conspicuously bad at acting in this crowd, I guess. They're met by Ricky Whittle and Hollie-Jay Bowes, and Alisha, predictably, loses her shit completely. I'm starting to think she literally never left the house until she signed up for this competition. Ricky greets them, and Charlotte and Alisha swoon in interviews. They start off on a tour of the set. Joy interviews that it's not like you see it on TV. Kirsty and Nicola get very confused about how all the wrong buildings lead onto each other. Alisha is surprised at how small everything is, and amused that the McQueen house has no upstairs. [Why wouldn't there be an upstairs in a house made of MDF? Oh... - Helen]
The girls are led back to the SU Bar, where they're met by Melissa Walton (who went to school with my boyfriend - SLEB CONNECTION), Kevin Sacre, Nathalie Emmanuel, Jessica Fox, Kris Deedigan, Anthony Quinlan and Bronagh Waugh, along with series producer, Paul Marquess. He's reading from a card, which bodes well, doesn't it? He tells them that to be a model, they need to be able to act. All credit to him for delivering that line while standing next to Nathalie "Speak & Spell" Emmanuel without cracking up. He splits them into four groups. Nicola and Olivia must act out a scenario that ends in tears. What I wouldn't give for their scene to be "Lucy Allan's tenure as producer of Hollyoaks." Joy and Alisha must do a scene ending in a catfight. Charlotte and Tiffany will act out a scene ending in a confession, and Amelia and Kirsty will be acting out a scenario that ends in death. Which, although they don't know it yet, will also be the deciding task in the final of this show.
Alisha and Joy talk to Jessica and Kris about playing two wannabe models at a casting. Jessica tells them to be more subtle. Amelia and Kirsty have decided to play adopted siblings fighting over their father's inheritance. Nathalie Emmanuel watches them silently. She doesn't take notes, though she probably should. Tiffany and Charlotte are with Melissa and Kevin, who tell them not to plan the whole story out (and anyone who's watched Hollyoaks for any protracted period of time will know how that feels) and let the rest just flow. They keep giggling. Nicola interviews that this was the worst challenge she's ever been set, because she can't act to save her life. Olivia asks if they can be crying about death, even though one of the other teams have death as their storyline. They get the go-ahead to do that, and Olivia does some quite convincing crying. Alisha starts pulling Joy's hair.
After ten minutes, they have to perform for each other. Amelia and Kirsty go first, because they want to get it over and done with. Their scene is actually quite good, though due to a blocking mishap, Amelia's "death" occurs off the side of the set. Tiffany and Charlotte are next, and they're both slightly stilted. Their scene also appears to be about death (morbid lot, aren't they?). Amelia interviews that she didn't know what Charlotte's confession would be. Charlotte's confession turns out to be that the dead mother they're discussing wasn't actually Tiffany's real mum. DOOF! DOOF! DOFF-DOFF-DOFF-DOFF-DOFF-DOFF! Nicola and Olivia do their scene next, and Olivia is really good, though she interviews that she couldn't actually make the tears come out. Finally, Alisha and Joy do their skit, and Joy displays an impressive ability to play a total bitch. Who knew? Their scene is quite comic and gets laughs from the audience. Alisha interviews that Joy went for the attack a lot more in the performance than she did in rehearsals, and as a result, their fight looks quite realistic. They go thudding to the ground, and the audience jumps. Alisha interviews that it was great because she's wanted to slap Joy all week. Heh.
Paul Marquess sacks the actual cast and hires the girls instead. Oh wait, he doesn't do that (though I wouldn't have blamed him if he had), he announces that one winner can pick a friend to go on a double date with two actors from the show. The winner is...Joy, who looks shell-shocked. She interviews that she thought Olivia or Kirsty would've won. And indeed, either of those would also have been excellent choices. In an interview, Alisha rants that it was her idea. I have some sympathy, as the same thing happened to me in an audition for a play at university once (long story short: we were auditioning in groups, I came up with a really cool idea of how to play the scene, despite everyone else just wanting to do it really straight and boring, we got loads of laughs, and then everyone got a part except me. NOT THAT I'M STILL BITTER.) Joy picks Alisha to join her on the reward.
Commercials.
When we return, Alisha and Joy are arriving for their double date with Kris Deedigan and Nico Mirallegro. Joy, slightly missing the point, interviews that it was nice to go out with Alisha and get to know her a bit better. Alisha subsequently interviews that she didn't want to go on a date with Joy, because she's moany and sweary. That's gratitude for you. They all seem to be having a nice time, though. Alisha interviews that she doesn't drink, and therefore doesn't really know her alcohol-tolerance threshold. Translation: she's a lightweight, and she's about to get wasted. Yay! Alisha is enjoying the cocktails, but Joy wants a lager. In yet another ranty interview, Alisha screams that Joy is "a lady, not a man". Speaking of things that are not, Alisha, it is also NOT 1954. If Joy wants a lager, let her have a lager. Sheesh. Alisha continues to complain that Nico and Kris were more fun than Joy was and kept her going for the whole night. That's what she said. No, literally, that is what she said.
Back in the hotel bedroom, an E-Mail comes under the door. Alisha and Joy get theirs delivered by a waiter. Kirsty reads it out to the girls: "Well done ladies, you all worked really hard. Now you will get another chance to shine. Tomorrow you will need to be back on set for 6am where you will be recording a real life episode." The girls scream. Back at the bar, Joy learns that as the challenge winner, she will have a speaking part. They go to leave, and predictably, Alisha is absolutely trollied. The other three are holding her up, and Alisha falls up the stairs on her way back to bed. Alisha decides to go and wake up Olivia and Amelia, the latter of whom has some seriously snazzy pyjamas. They tell her, quite politely considering the circumstances, that she's drunk and should go away. Joy finds her script, and Alisha insists on acting it through with her, drunkenly. "When it said 'beat', she was beating on the table," Joy giggles in an interview. Alisha wonders why people want to get drunk, and tells the kids that they shouldn't drink.
The next day, the girls are greeted on set by Hollyoaks senior publicist Rachel Hardy, who tells them that because they produce FIVE SHOWS A WEEK, they have to turn around quickly. Unsurprisingly, they will be wearing underwear again. Amelia interviews that they're always naked on this programme, and it should be called Britain's Next Naked Model. She's got a point, hasn't she? In the dressing room, she complains that she's come here to model and she's never worn a dress. Alisha interviews that she has seen her breasts more than she has seen her head. I think she's still drunk. Joy practices her line with everyone in turn. "The script was quite comical, but I expect that out of Hollyoaks," she interviews. Again: don't we all? The girls are greeted by director Penny Shales, who introduces them to Carley Stenson, Bronagh Waugh and Dean Aspen, who will be in their scene today. The girls parade through a scene in their underwear, and then Joy rehearses for her scene with Dean, in which he tries to give her his number and she rips him to shreds. Alisha interviews that Joy is doing very well. Dean interviews afterwards that Joy was a pleasure to work with and did a great job. The scene wraps, and the girls applaud themselves.
After the commercials, there is more E-Mail, read by Alisha: "Ladies! Are you ready to face things that go bump in the night? Sometimes modelling can be a scream. Be ready at 8am. Love Elle." Alisha interviews that she doesn't like horrible things, haunted places or horror movies. She's not going to like what's coming. The girls arrive at a spooky house, complete with schlocky horror effects. They have to walk down a corridor, where the lights go off. A woman runs out covered in blood and screaming, and the girls all freak. Then a mysterious figure emerges, and lights a torch under his face: it's Charley. Being lit from that angle doesn't do him any favours, by the way. Charley tells them that their photoshoot will be paying homage to some of the greatest horror movie scream queens. They head into make-up, and Joy is excited about the theme because she loves horror films. Anyone surprised? Amelia is cold, and thinks the building really is haunted. Charlotte is feeling less scared than when she arrived, "because I did cry, when that girl chased us down the corridor." Hee. Charley arrives with their photographer, Matthew Brindle, who is a man of few words.
Alisha's up first, and she's being attacked by zombies, which are clawing their way through a door behind her. I think the terror on her face is real, and Alisha confirms this. "I was really scared," she says. "I actually did want them to stop touching me." She explains that it was not the sort of shoot where you can look pretty, so she tried to model with her torso and put the fear on her face. That's actually quite sensible; I have nothing sarcastic to add. Matthew thinks Alisha did well, but he did have to keep reminding her to be glamorous. Amelia has to run down the corridor away from a knife-wielding man. Matthew tells her to put her arms down when she runs; Amelia continues to run with her arms out. Nicola is being Janet Leigh in Psycho. She interviews that she found the whole thing weird and kind of funny. Charley thinks she needs to be less self-conscious. Joy has to be possessed, which apparently means wearing a rubber leotard and being chained to a hospital bed with no mattress. She thinks she is being more positive than she has been, and leaves the photoshoot happy for the most part. Tiffany has lots of prosthetics to make her look bloody, and is wielding an axe. She interviews that it's hard to look pretty, angry and crazy. I dunno, Tyra Banks manages it quite often. Charley likes the variation in her poses. Charlotte is next, and the photographer wants her with her hair in the air. Charlotte interviews that to achieve that while still facing the camera involves really flicking her neck, and it really hurt. I sympathise to some extent, but I also wonder if Charlotte might be a bit of a wimp. Matthew calls her his favourite of the day, because she pulled off some tricky direction and was charming to boot. Olivia's direction is thus: "we're going to have you down here, eating a man". And they say this show is soft porn! She's actually a zombie eating guts, and seems to be doing a great job, though she worries in an interview later about not actually trying to look pretty. Charley and Matthew seem happy with her work, though. Kirsty also has a lot of prosthetics, and has to play someone who's been stabbed and is dying. She gleefully shows us backstage how her knife is attached. She interviews that she was pleased with her performance, and thinks that if she goes, she'll go out on a high note. Alisha and Charlotte interview that Kirsty's kind of cocky.
Which brings us to: bitch edit time! Back at Model Manor, Joy interviews that Kirsty came downstairs and asked if anyone had a problem with her. And it turned out everyone did [Schoolgirl error, Kirsty - Helen]. Kirsty tells them that she has nothing but kindness for all of them, and she doesn't understand why they don't like her. Alisha tells Kirsty that it feels like Kirsty thinks she's the best one there. Tiffany says that she's "never met someone so 'look at me!'" Alisha rants in an interview that Kirsty doesn't give anyone else a chance to speak or do anything. Kirsty gets quite upset and says that she isn't trying to be a bitch. Charlotte explains to her that she finds Kirsty hard to be around, not because she's a nasty person, which she isn't, but because she's just too much. Joy thinks that Kirsty handled the situation well. Kirsty tells them that they've helped her by telling her all these things. I suspect this saga is not over.
Commercials. God, bloody Cheryl Cole gets everywhere.
Judgement chamber. The girls file in, to be greeted by Elle, who tells them they've had a dramatic week. There's the usual run-through of judges, including guest judge Matthew Brindle, and the prizes. We see a clip of their appearance on Hollyoaks, which Elle thinks they all did an amazing job in.
Joy's first up, and is congratulated for winning this week's challenge. Her possession shot is terrifying, and actually quite brilliant. Elle thinks she looks like "a debauched goth". Julien loves her picture and is really pleased for her to be back in the running. Matthew tells her she just needs to be more confident. Olivia is next, and her zombie picture is hideous, in a good way. Elle loves it because "I haven't seen you look like this!" Well, yes, because this isn't Britain's Next Top Zombie (although I would watch the shit out of that show if it existed). She thinks it's one of the best shots of the whole competition. Charley thinks she was motivated throughout the whole shoot. Julien is impressed with her versatility, compared to her sexy shot from last week. Tiffany's axe-crazy shot is great, and the judges love it. Charley says that she was really diverse on the shoot, and Matthew is impressed that she made the light prop-axe look really heavy. Grace is impressed that she still looks beautiful despite everything. Alisha's zombie shot gets less of a warm reaction; Elle thinks she looks like she's enjoying being grabbed by zombies, and Grace thinks it looks like she's "in a zombie musical". Matthew tells her she has a strong face, but needs to work on being more soft. Grace tells her it's not her best shot. Kirsty's "left to die on the stairs" shot is stunning, but Grace thinks it could be a catalogue shot, which is not a compliment. Julien doesn't think it covers the danger of the scenario, but Matthew is impressed that she looked beautiful even as she was "dying" and Elle thinks she nailed it [It was rather admirable of Kirsty to try and steal the whole thing by being beautiful when the other girls had to be ugly. After the way they treated her, I don't blame her - Helen]. Charlotte's poltergeist shot is freaky, and Matthew informs the panel how well she worked on the day. Grace can't believe that Charlotte was just jumping rather than being suspended, because the action in her hands and feet is so believable [I didn't get this. It's believable because it's REAL Grace - Helen]. Then Julien ruins it all by saying that they need a reality check, because it's not a good picture - it's not scary or creepy and she doesn't look good in it. He doesn't think she has any versatility as a model. Julien sucks. Charlotte returns to the line-up with tears in her eyes. Nicola puts a consoling arm around her waist. Nicola is next, and Elle asks her if she's about to cry. Nicola admits that she's a bit upset for Charlotte. Grace tells her that it's a competition, and it's a dog-eat-dog world out there, etc etc, so she'll have to harden up. Nicola puts her "granny glasses" on to view the shot, which Charley likes but Grace does not, because she thinks it looks more like toothache. Matthew thinks she needs a better awareness of the camera. Elle thinks she should be better at that by this stage. Amelia's picture is not great, and Matthew brings up the whole arms thing. Elle likes the image, but finds her stance awkward. Julien likes it because she looks ugly and unlike herself for once, though it's not her best.
Deliberation. Joy's picture gets rave reviews, and Julien's happy she's got her confidence back. Olivia also gets great feedback, but Grace isn't sure she's a great model yet. Charley thinks Alisha's hard work on the shoot hasn't translated. Matthew loves Tiffany, as do Charley and Elle. Grace doesn't see the acting in Kirsty's shoot. Matthew loves Charlotte's shot, but Julien doesn't think she looks good as a model. Elle thinks she fulfiled the brief, and so does Charley. Elle tells Julien he's outnumbered. Heh. Elle says that she loves the photograph of Nicola because of the art direction. Matthew says there weren't many to choose from because her body was often turned away from the camera. Julien thinks she hasn't the body to be a top model. Matthew was looking forward to shooting with Amelia, but her heart wasn't in it. Charley thinks she can't take direction. Grace thinks there are two strong contenders to go home.
Eight beautiful scream queens stand before Elle, but she only has seven photographs. First call-out goes to Olivia, who Elle says has totally earned it. Joy is second, then Tiffany, "Poltergeist Girl", Kirsty and Alisha. This leaves Amelia and Nicola in the bottom two. Elle tells Nicola that she started out strong, but recently her photographs are starting to fade. (Didn't this seem to happen around the time she found her glasses? Could the two be linked? Quick, Nicola, go back to the darkness!) Amelia is the kind of girl who turns heads, but needs to learn to translate her great genes into great photographs. So who gets to stay on? Amelia. Elle hugs Nicola and tells her she did really well. Nicola leaves, tearfully. Everyone remaining seems to be in tears as well.
Back at Model Manor, Nicola says she feels disappointed with herself because she was in the bottom two last week, so she knew she needed to up her game, which she doesn't feel she did. She really wants to model, so she's going to go to agencies and keep pushing, because she doesn't want to do anything else. We see her fairly decent portfolio, and then she fades out of the group shot. Aw. I'll miss Nicola. I so thought she'd make the final, but I guess it wasn't to be.
Next week: the girls hit the high street for a fashion challenge, model couture hats, go off in a helicopter, and have their pictures taken on ice. Helen will be here with all the details. Join her then!
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