I can't speak French, so I something something talking

Top 10 – 13^th August 2012

Hello! Yes, you are all expecting me last week but you got Steve instead, which is no bad thing in my eyes but it definitely is my turn to pour some scorn on the models with my bitchy gravy boat. (Does that work? I like it. It’s the kind of mood I’m in so lucky you lot.)

And so to business. We get a recap of last week. The highlights of which are everyone looking a bit like men and Anne got through by virtue of not being Tasmin.  This week it looks like advert recording (YAY) and we’re promised an old face.  I hope its Joy and not Celia Oldface from ANTM who looked like an actual Terrahawk. Could it be Joy?  If it was her, I’d be filled with... pleased.

BE DA ONE I CHO-OOSE.

Everyone goes back to the house. Anne cryterviews that everything is SO HARD whilst Anita holds court over everyone saying how the photoshoot should have been so ‘her thing’. Seriously, why are we being told that Madeleine is the villain when Anita exists? Lisa says, wait for it, “being in the bottom two makes you feel like you’re at the bottom of the bunch”. Seriously. How are we ever struggling as a country when there are great minds like this working on our television screens? Anita hopes that being in the bottom two will give Anne a kick up the arse. SERIOUSLY, FUCK OFF.

Come on Madeleine, make it better. Madeleine interviews that Anne was her biggest competition and now she has slid to the bottom two and now she feels like she has a chance. Anne interviews that she’s going to be ten times better this week.

ELLE MAIL! “Hello girls! So you’ve previously learned how to walk the walk but can you talk the talk? Be ready at 6am tomorrow love Elle x”. Let’s see them try to work this one out then. Risikat thinks that she’ll be presenting television. Anne thinks it’s interviewing someone. Anita suddenly announces in the middle of all this that she loves presenting. Yes, because of all that stuff that you’ve presented because your face is EVERYWHERE. Emma snideterveiews that Anne seems scared by talking and she’s probably worried. Everyone goes to bed.

But this is television so we don’t have to wait because it’s the next morning now and Kellie is telling us about a gigantic apartment that they all go to where Whitney (I still don’t know who she is. Or is it that I don’t care? One or the other, I dunno) is with the client. The client is Ludovic Leray who is not a Bond Villain but a representative of Alcatel who do phones and shit. Ludovic wants them to shoot an advert and embrace a continental feel and prove they have a Je ne sais quoi. For totally real the only two who know what this is are Risikat and Madeleine. The rest of them look confused and blank faced. [More so than usual. - Steve] Risikat and Madeleine all but high five each other.  Whitney then breaks the news that in honour of our very own Steve who aced his A level French this week they will be doing the advert in French which is the language of love and that they will have to pretend to be talking to their lover.  Madeleine looks about ready to pop at this news when Whitney tells her that she will be doing the advert in Italian to make it fair because she grew up in France. So the fact that she has to do every other challenge in her second language doesn’t come into this then? Cos apparently that’s totally fair. LOGIC, THY NAME IS NEVER BINTMODEL.

Madeleine takes this with good grace because she’s actually a decent human being. Whitney tells them that they have an hour to learn their lines. This makes Lisa actually panic. Whitney wishes them bon chance but she doesn’t use a French accent so it doesn’t mean anything.

Montage of thick girls getting stuff wrong for our amusement!

Madeleine is translating for everyone because, as I said above, she’s only a superbitch when they feel like it. Letitia interbitches that she couldn’t learn her lines because everyone was talking around her and it confused her tiny head. Anita needs to practice with a telephone whilst Jennifer removes the last sliver of respect I had for her by describing the situation as “so cringe”.

Kellie arrives first doing her whole Father Dougal thing. I’m not saying she does a Father Dougal thing because she’s Irish, I’m saying it because she’s a wide eyed innocent that you can’t help but feel has only very narrowly avoided a horrible fate by being so oblivious. Kind of like the model and singular equivalent of Jedward. Kellie is shown the space and is reminded by Whitney that she only has three takes. The hands Kellie the phone and wishes her luck. She stuffs the words up and apologises. She does a voiceover that says that she found it intimidating that Whitney was in the room (wtf?) but by the third go she was getting into the swing of it. Her French accent is good but patchy. Whitney is so pleased for her by the third go. Whether or not she’s just had enough is unclear. Kellie’s advice for the other girls is not to show your nerves. I don’t know either.

Anne next! Poor Anne. She’s not a natural pretend French person. Whitney thinks it’s painful. Not going to argue there. Lisa forgets her words, as does Jennifer. Jennifer interviews that it wasn’t happening. Letitia just goes for full on flirt and interviews that she forgot everyone was in the room which was awkward. Awkward how?  Ludovic loves her because she managed to speak the right words in the right accent and interpreted them.  Oh how low is the bar. Roxanne has a complete blank. She interviews that it was awful. Whitney brands it a disaster. It’s at this point that I realise that they’re using flip phones. BECAUSE THEY’RE THE FUTURE ALRIGHT. Speaking of disasters, here’s Anita!  I don’t know what language she’s speaking but it doesn’t have any punctuation. At least she’s got the good grace to be embarrassed.  Ludovic thinks that it sounds like she was an answering machine.  Risikat next, and Whitney asks her if she would like to spit out her gum. Risikat replies that the chewing gum is from Willy Wonka and actually makes her French complete with a “Grr”. Whitney says that she didn’t know that the French were famous for chewing gum and Risikat still doesn’t get the hint. EVEN IF IT’S MAGIC GUM YOU STILL SHOULDN’T HAVE IT. She interviews that she actually understood that Whitney thought the gum was inappropriate but it was magic gum that made her French so she kept it. The gum doesn’t make her growly, it makes her giggly. Whitney complains to Ludovic about the gum but thinks the performance was good.

Emma next. She says QUANTRO SINK. Whitney thinks it’s Spanish. Ludovic just knows that it isn’t French. They end up with no actual words. Madeleine does really well with her Italian. She interviews that she doesn’t care what language she has to do it in cos she’s really good with languages. Whitney’s opinion is that Italian is a beautiful language and Madeleine didn’t make it beautiful. Oh piss off. Madeleine goes back and tells the other girls that her first take was great. Emma replies that she just said one word from each sentence and Madeleine laughs because she agrees. I can’t see what’s wrong with that.

Judging time! Ludovic thinks that some of them were Tres bien and others not so good. I think he missed a trick not saying terrible here, but I’m not writing the bloody scripts. (Can you IMAGINE, etc.) He thinks Emma was the least impressive and Letitia the most. She pretends to be shocked at this. Whitney tells her she’s getting five extra minutes at the shoot but those five minutes will have to come from someone else and she has to choose. That doesn’t seem like much of a prize, Bintmodel. The girls are divided in their strategy to deal with this. Those closest to the camera (Kellie, Jennifer, Risikat and Anne) go for hiding their faces. Roxanne, Lisa, Emma and Anita go for looking the other way and with by far the most effective and my favourite solution is Madeleine, who goes for the out and out “just try it, bitch” glare.  Letitia picks Anne for the shit reason that she thinks she can take it. This totally ignores the fact that she was in the bottom two last week.  Letitia seems to think that she’s been doing well. She remembers later. Anne wouldn’t mind if not for all the pity faces. She says this when she’s obviously been crying. Shame. Whitney tells them all that they’re all off to Paris for their shoot and they have two hours to get ready. Cue much whooping.

After the break – male models and Anita is still the resident slag. Can’t wait!

We’re back! Letitia is really happy to be going to Paris. Risikat reckons that it’s just what the life of a top model is about. They get Kellie the bumpkin out to talk about how fancy the hotel is. They’re staying at the Arc de Triomphe Hilton and they’ve put on a champagne reception for them. But what’s this?

ONLY MY FAVOURITE TOP MODEL CONTESTANT EVER, JOY. Praise be for she has returned! So many memories! The open hostility toward Julien! The open hostility toward the machine! The absolute refusal to be in any way a traditional whooping, screeching talking head. [The not-quite-knowing if she was allowed to leave during the live final! - Steve] I love her and so should you.

Letitia is excited to see her. Kellie remarks how well she’s done for herself and she didn’t even win. Does this mean we’re not getting a sponsored winner this year? EXCITING. Joy’s got some woman called Laura with her who does something to do with Impulse body spray or something. I don’t care! It’s JOY ON MY TELLY. The photoshoot will be about bringing to life an Impulse spray. I do hope one of the shots is one of them dressed up as a twelve year old trying to nick them.  She introduces Joy.

Joy’s face says “Think of the money”. She has a script. She tells the girls that it’s nice to meet them and she’s lucky to have had such a successful career since being on the show and she works a lot in Paris so tomorrow she’s going to come along to give them all some moral support because she’s been there and can help them. Lisa tells the girls to have some champagne, but not too much because they’ve got a really early start in the morning. Joy is applauded as is correct. (Just as a side note, if you’re expecting any balanced account of Joy’s time on this episode, you’re barking up the wrong tree. Joy is correct, you are wrong. It’s how the world works.)

Risikat then wonders aloud what Joy will bring to the shoot or whether she will be helpful. Madeleine remarks that she better be. Roxanne thinks it’s a good thing because based on her previous performance she was quite nervous. Letitia is happy to get advice from anyone who’s been through the process. They all decide to go to bed.

Parisporn and the makeup montage are combined and Anne is first to the slaughter. She arrives in a Hilton branded dressing gown and is doing a True Love fragrance. Guess we all know what the gigantic P was for now, eh? She’s introduced to the male model and this week’s Photographer Lionel Deluy who unfortunately is not a FitPhotographer. Never mind. That’s what the male model is for I suppose. JOY IS THERE. Lionel reminds Anne that she only has five minutes, just to keep those nerves down. It’s OK, because Lionel is the BEST PHOTOGRAPHER EVER because he’s taken photos of Angelina Jolie and Katy Perry. BOKAY THEN, THAT’S WHY I’VE TOTALLY HEARD OF YOU. Anne actually looks encouraged by this. He says “let’s go baby” completely unironically. OH DEAR GOD. Joy actually couldn’t look less interested at this juncture. Did I mention I love her? Anne interviews that she didn’t want to come across as nervous so she went straight in there and imagines that the model is her boyfriend. Joy is asked what she thinks and she says it’s really nice, but the client (Laura) wants her to look a bit happier and wants her to look more loved up.  Joy thinks they look like a couple on holiday and its “sweet” but Laura wants to see something different in the last minute. Anne interviews with a really blotchy face that if she’d have had some extra time she might have had the confidence to change it up a bit. LOOK OUT FOR THE BUS, ANNE. She finishes and the male model applauds her.

Next up is Jennifer and in the interests of good television she has been given a fragrance which is really feminine, soft and girlie. She interviews that this is ridiculous with her haircut. THAT’S THE POINT.  She seems to do a good job though. Laura thinks that Jennifer is really pretty but the chemistry isn’t there. Joy agrees then gets up to show her how it’s done and throws out about ten poses that are brilliant in the space of five seconds. With the tutelage of Joy, Jennifer manages to look a lot softer and Laura pretends to agree but her face says otherwise.  Lionel says that she’s done a “good final baby”. Lionel, it seems, is off of the 70’s.

Lisa next.  Laura reminds her that chemistry is needed as well as looking gorgeous.  Lionel just wants her to kiss the male model. Lisa interviews that it was fine working with the male model but she was a bit nervous. He was apparently lovely and put her at ease though. She found that going with the flow helped. Lionel continues to be obsessed with making her kiss him. She apparently doesn’t mind being treated like a gigantic Barbie doll having her face mashed against a Ken and says she’ll do whatever he wants. Lionel just shouts cute at her over and over. This is weird.

Backstage, Anita wants to know ALL THE DETAILS of ALL THE KISSING. Kellie, who is far sweeter than the Dougal Maguire persona given to her by the producers, thinks that Anita will enjoy the male model. Anita interviews that she thinks she’ll be ok with him because she’s a bit of a flirt. Anita seems to please Lionel as she’s up for kissing the male model.  Lionel demands it and she interviews that she thought “ok then”. I wish the producers would keep up. She’s the one that you’re painting as LOLKOOKYSLUT so it really wouldn’t be a decision for her, would it? The male model refuses her though and asks for it on the cheek. AHAHAHA! Joy thinks that she looked comfortable and relaxed and fit the brief. She looks and sounds as interested as if she was reading out her shopping list. I LOVE YOU JOY.

Next up is Risikat. Laura explains that her fragrance is all about glamour. Risikat immediately gets on her hands and knees which pleases Lionel IMMENSELY.  He actually says “Niiiiiiiice” and that she “looks like a cat” whilst everyone else looks a bit confused.  Laura thinks she’s really aware of her posture whilst Joy agrees without really looking. Risikat interviews that she thinks she did really well because everyone got excited, especially the photographer. I wouldn’t be too pleased about getting a total perv excited Risikat, it’s not that hard.  She explains that the photographer asked her for the “Dirty eyes” and I’m a little bit sick in my mouth. Risikat isn’t sure if it’s a compliment. Joy says that she was amazing in every shot, Laura is happy that she didn’t have to direct her and Lionel thinks she worked a shot that wasn’t easy. WHY DON’T YOU ALL JUST MARRY HER THEN?

Next up is poor, poor Roxanne with her orange hair.  Some branded hairspray is randomly shoved into shot. Roxanne is playing chess in the photo. Roxanne interviews that the shoot was hard because she had to play chess and be playful and flirty PLUS interacting with the male model. Lionel asks her to bite her lip. Remember this, it will be important later. She interviews that she tried to be smiley and playful but there really isn’t much she can do in this shot.  Lionel thanks her and tells her that she had a difficult shot to pull off.

Next up is Letitia.  Joy cares so little for her that she’s on her Blackberry.  Laura wants her to be discreet and elegant rather than sexy and sultry.  Letitia interviews that extra time is a poisoned chalice because if she doesn’t do well she’s got no excuses. OH BOO HOO. Lionel thinks that she looks like ten million dollars. Joy looks up from her Blackberry and agrees that she looks very sexy.  Lionel thinks that she should finish early and fistbumps her, calls her baby and sends her off.  Lionel tells her that he doesn’t need fifteen minutes with her, two is enough because she’ so beautiful and not to tell the other girls. There are so many creepy things and innuendo in that statement that it made my tiny brain explode a little bit. Letitia interbrags about this and how nice it was to hear it. I’d be in a bath, love. Lionel talks to Laura and Joy about how great she was. Emma wants to know if her extra time was helpful and Letitia lies unconvincingly. She interviews that she didn’t want to tell them about not using the extra time as she didn’t want to gloat so she’s doing it now instead.

Now for the moment I’ve been waiting for, Madeleine vs. Joy. Madeleine’s shoot begins with Lionel telling her not to be so frightening so she tries to smile and the overall impression is that episode of Friends where Monica is trying to get an engagement picture of her and Chandler. Laura reminds her that she’s trying to encapsulate love at first sight.  Joy tells her to be a bit softer in her face. Madeleine interviews about her process, saying that the looks she was going for was not ‘in love’ but ‘about to fall in love’ so she had no idea what to do. Laura tells her to soften up for the last few shots and Lionel seems to like this as does Laura who likes the “softer head”. Joy explains to Madeleine that it took her a long time to get expressions down too and tells her to practice. She tells the other girls that Joy told her that she was the same as her and she’s not a weirdo. They look dubious.

Laura introduces Emma to the male model and says that she’s going to be a temptress. Emma interviews about how nervous she was, especially with the male model and how it was all a bit awkward when she was meant to be confident. Lionel tells her not to be nervous which would immediately put me on edge. He calls her baby and compares her to Angelina Jolie.  Laura thinks it’s great. Joy was thinking that she might crumble but she ended up doing really well.

Finally, Kellie who is being a tease. She interviews that this meant she had to be playful and flirty. At the start she was tense and shying away but she pushed the nerves aside because she really, really wants a good shot. Lionel loves it and calls her baby AGAIN. She interviews that she got stronger toward the end. Joy is happy that she didn’t need much direction, Lionel thinks she did a really good job.

Coming up! Fake birthday Drama! Are we still playing Madeleine is a total bitch? YEAH WE ARE!

Post-shoot the girls are all sitting in a tea shop in Paris when Jennifer “randomly” asks everyone how they think the shoot went. These scripted segments aren’t working. Stick to interviewing the girls with a shred of acting talent. Anne thinks her shoot went alright and Madeleine looks sceptical. She reminds us all that she only had five minutes and if she had a bit longer she could have had more poses. Letitia, who is NOT BRAGGING repeats that she didn’t even need her extra minutes and Anne could have totally kept them.  A waiter comes along with an Elle Mail and Anita wonders why it’s been handed to her.  It’s because it’s her birthday and Elle has arranged a special meal to help her celebrate but it’s only a table for five. MMMM, MANUFACTURED DRAMA. Anita wonders aloud why anyone would do this to her on her birthday. Oh let’s see? Let’s start with the fact that YOU ARE ON A REALITY SHOW. She pretends that it was a hard decision but eventually admits that there are four girls that she likes best.  She goes with Lisa, Kellie, Risikat and Roxanne. Anita resolves to look hot so she can forget being cruelly rejected by the male model and say bonjour to some French totty.

Kellie interviews that they went out to a fancy restaurant which happened to be French. She got to eat all the traditional dishes like snails and frogs legs and it was really nice. Anita interviews that she will look back on her 20^th birthday on her 70^th and think about what a great night she had. Roxanne wonders aloud what the others are doing. WELL, Jennifer interviews that they had a slumber party which seems like heaps more fun than a fancy French meal, especially seeing as in involved Madeleine doing impressions of Anita. Jennifer interviews that she really didn’t like Madeleine, how she was or how she acted. Emma tells Madeleine that she does get along with her, but doesn’t always know where she’s coming from.

Madeleine couldn’t care less if someone doesn’t understand what she says.

Letitia pushes it a bit further and wants to know why she gets upset at not being taken seriously when she says mean things.  Madeleine says that she’s not mean and that she’s joking. Jennifer says that she jokes about the wrong things and Madeleine reminds her that it’s Letitia’s turn. Jennifer insists that it’s a group conversation. It’s Madeleine’s conversation. Even I know that. Letitia interviews that she will never understand Madeleine and that’s the way she wants it. OF COURSE IT IS.

Madeleine is also the topic at dinner. Anita calls her a babe, BUT it is agreed that she’s only good in small doses. Risikat interviews that everyone has something to say about Madeleine. Back at the table she reminds everyone that Madeleine is the star of the show because everyone is talking about her, even on Anita’s birthday. Everyone else fails to see the logic of this statement and this is why Madeleine will continue to rule them all.  Risikat interviews that Madeleine should stay herself because she’s just different.

MADELEINE WILL CONTINUE TO BE HERSELF BECAUSE SHE LIKES HERSELF. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is your quote of the series.

It’s the next day everyone, because we’re having breakfast now. Everyone actually SCREAMS at an envelope on the table. It’s an Elle Mail and its Kellie’s turn to read it. “Hi girls, tomorrow one of you will be leaving the competition for good. Before we say goodbye to Paris, I’ve decided to treat everyone to a riverboat cruise along the Seine so you can bid Au Revoir to Paris in style. Love, Elle x” . Anita interviews that she was hungover and the last thing she wanted to do was get on a boat with a dicky tum. Kellie is oblivious and interviews that they all enjoyed the boat trip and thought it was a lovely way to wrap things up. She thinks that this could be her life and she’s lucky and blessed to be there and she doesn’t want it to end.  Bless ‘er. Anita actually loves it in Paris. Lisa agrees and says that she’s so jealous of Joy. As well you should be. Risikat interviews she realises how far she’s come and she doesn’t want to go home but someone will and that’s the point.

Back in London, poor Anne is still going on about how well she could have done with some extra minutes.  I think the big kids call this FORESHADOWING.  Letitia, who really has no place commenting thinks that Anne better have a good photo because she’s so upset with herself because Anne has a lot of potential.

Judgement time! This week’s guest panellist is MEL B! In the week where I have been watching a lot of old Bo Selecta [you're fired - Steve] this is like gold to me. FISH PASTE! Elle welcomes them all back from Paris and tells them that today that ten will become nine. Everyone giggles at Mel B. Perhaps they’ve been watching Bo Selecta too? Prizes!

We are starting with Kellie. Elle likes her look, which is Elle Woods forgot her trousers. Her advert is painful but not as bad as it could be. Whitney was impressed by her. Her photo is a bit meh. It’s one of Elle’s favourites. Tyson thinks it’s just two people in the park, which is what it is, but I get what he means. Elle and Whitney feel it and Mel B thinks she looks dreamy. Auntie Julien is not permitted to speak.

Elle then invites Letitia up and tells everyone that she had the best advert so wants to know if everyone agrees.  She’s putting the pauses in the wrong bits which is surely reason enough for her not to have won. Elle admits her dialogue was off but everything was in her face. She explains to everyone that she had extra time for her photo. Her photo is a bit catalogue for my tastes. Mel B thinks its drop dead gorgeous, Julien thinks that she’s a star and a star is born and like it or not she’s a star. So she’s a star then? Elle thinks that she should have given the feeling of being close without actually being close as she’s lost her neck but all that is technical because she looks gorgeous.

Risikat’s gum chewing doesn’t help her embarrassing advert and Elle calls her a pussy cat. Tyson likes it though. Have I mentioned how lovely Tyson is yet today? Well, he is. They like her photo too, which is a bit Zoo Magazine for my liking but I’ve given up predicting what these guys want. Tyson expected nothing less, Whitney thinks it’s selling a bit much but she can’t deny that Risikat is beautiful and Mel B just shouts out “Glamour”. Elle thinks she looks like she’s into something.

Mid judging ad break. GRR!

There’s a vrooming noise in the distance which can only mean that Anne is up next. Madeleine openly laughs at her French and Elle remarks that it’s gibberish and that her nerves were all over her face. Anne looks resigned. She knows what’s coming. Elle decides to erase it and goes to her picture, which is ok. Elle likes it. Auntie Julien points out that she’s the most edgiest girl in the competition but the photo is about true love and romance and she’s not the edgy girl or something. Julien, what ARE you talking about? Whitney points out that she got five minutes less than everyone else because Letitia. Elle wants to know why and suggests that it might have been to knock out the competition and Letitia looks like that might be the case. Elle calls her a cheeky monkey. Mel B thinks that she’s not coming across in the photo the same as she is in real life and the photo is a bit too smiley. Anne agrees.

Roxanne actually facepalms on viewing her video and quite rightly so. It’s terrible. She looks like she’s doing an oral exam.  She admits it was bad. In her best shot she’s biting her lip. They ask what she thinks. She doesn’t like it. Julien complains that she’s biting her lip. THE PHOTOGRAPHER TOLD HER TO DO IT! STAND UP FOR YOURSELF WOMAN! She doesn’t. [To be fair, that never works either - then they just get told not to blame the photographer for their failings. - Steve] Julien admits that the photo is ladylike though. Tyson likes it and thinks she’s being hard on herself. Its Elle’s least favourite.

Lisa’s turn. Elle likes that she’s stolen Jennifer’s clothes.  She admits that she tried to hard with the accent on her advert and she’s right. It’s like something out of Allo Allo. Everyone laughs at it whilst Elle makes a NOT joke. Everyone gets excited over her picture. Whitney loves her luscious lips and its Tyson’s favourite shot of the day.

Anita has forgotten her trousers and we’re supposed to think that this is a good thing. Her advert is AWFUL but Elle still wants a call from her. Anita admits that she failed French. QUELLE SURPRISE. Her shot is good, the cow. Mel B loves it and wonders why the male model didn’t want to kiss her. Tyson remarks that she must’ve been happy to be near a man. Julien remarks about the level of booty in the shot and how it’s sex on leg. Julien thinks she’s transformed from a young girl into a gorgeous, expensive woman. Whitney thinks it’s effortless and Elle thinks it’s gorgeous.

Jennifer’s up next and she has the good grace to look away when her advert is playing. If it were me I’d leave the country.  Elle thinks she sounds like a German trying to speak French. For some reason, this is hilarious. Her shot is good and she’s doing her best to look romantic with her haircut. Elle points out that her body language is saying different things to her hair.  You did that to her! Tyson thinks she did a good job because the model looks like he’s her boyfriend. 

Apparently the brand and Whitney thought that Emma was the worst in the advert challenge.  There’s not a lot in it to be honest. Whitney said it was tough to watch and Elle thinks she wasn’t focused. They wait with baited breath to see if she redeems herself with the photo. She doesn’t.  Whitney points out that it looks a bit like a prom photo and she’s completely on the money.  She also says it’s cheesy and obvious. Mel B thinks it’s safe and a bit cheesy and Elle would like to see her out of her comfort zone because she’s not at all.

Finally, Madeleine. Elle explains why they made her do hers in Italian. Tyson says they should have made her do it in Japanese.  It’s good though, and Elle says well done.  Her photograph is ok, but Elle points out that she’s not the brand favourite. Whitney thinks it’s her prettiest photo and Tyson doesn’t agree with the brand.  Madeleine is pleased to hear this.

Now it’s time for the judges to deliberate. They start with Kellie. Tyson thinks the picture is weak but she’s not one of the weak ones. Letitia is Mel B’s favourite. Elle isn’t sure about the shape she’s created with her body.  Risikat is next. Elle loves the balance of her body. Mel B likes Anne’s body. Tyson commends Letitia’s evil genius. Elle agrees with Mel B because Anne in person gives off a look but it’s not coming across in photos. Julien would like to look like Roxanne if he was a woman and everyone agrees that she needs to love herself more. They all love Lisa and Anita which is really boring.  Julien leads the Louis Walsh judging and says that Anita reminds him of a little Penelope Cruz. Tyson thinks there’s worse shots than Jennifer’s and they all agree that Emma is a bit meh. Whitney hangs off Tyson and does an impression of her. Mel B thinks that they look good together. HANDS OFF WHITNEY WHOEVERYOUARE.  Finally, Elle thinks she looks like Naomi in the photo and even though she’s not traditionally beautiful and hard to photograph she pulls it out the bag consistently.  So, it’s decision time!

Elle has nine photographs in her hand etc. Picture of the week goes to Anita. Next is Lisa followed by Letitia, Risikat, Kellie, Jennifer, Madeleine and finally Roxanne although it’s by the skin of her teeth. Cue much hugging and high fiving in the green room.

So, it’s down to Anne and Roxanne. Letitia has the good grace to feel bad. Elle explains that the expectations were high for both. Elle takes the credit for Anne’s face by saying that they created an amazing look for her but it’s not translating into photographs and she’s disappointed she’s not using it. Emma is beautiful but she doesn’t do anything with it, but it’s Emma that’s getting another chance. Bye Anne! Elle calls her a good sport and hugs her. She interviews that she felt like she could have done more but she’s going to work on not letting time pressure her.  She never dreamed that it would be like this and she fades out of the picture.

Joins Steve next week for walk outs, fall outs and breakdowns! My favourites. Until then...