Top 9: 20th August 2012
Previously on BintModel: the contestants could not speak French (apart from Madeleine), nor could they let the sexy music do the talking. Letitia ended up being the least-worst at pretending to be a Francophone, and her prize was being allowed to steal five minutes of Anne's photo shoot time. This is a particularly bitter blow since the photo shoot in question involved getting all sexy with hot French male models, and also getting to be around Joy from cycle six. I'm trying to imagine how Helen would have responded to someone cutting into her Joy-time. [Cutting- Helen] I don't think it would have gone down well. Whether it was because of reduced time or a general lack of suitability to the task at hand, Anne failed to produce a shot that the judges liked, and she was sent home.
This week: the girls pose near my office! Madeleine lays down some real truth flavour on Anita! Roxanne has some sort of meltdown over Julien! This is going to be amazing.
Titles. ARE YOU WHAT I'M LOOKING FOR? IS IT A GIRL LIKE YOU? EH? EH?
Late night at Model Manor. Emma interviews that she came very close to going home last week, and that's more than close enough for her liking, thank you very much. Madeleine interviews that it was horrible, and she really didn't think it would be Anne who went. Then there is Elle Mail, read by Lisa: "Hi girls, you'd better start practising those poses, as tomorrow you'll get a chance to display your full model potential. Love Elle x" Lisa (correctly) predicts that they'll be live mannequins, which Anita thinks will be "so much fun!" Risikat points out that it will involve having to stand still for a really long time, which is precisely the opposite of fun in her book. Madeleine, meanwhile, has decided not to get involved in this squabble and is practising her poses on the arm of the sofa instead. Anita and Kellie interview (separately) that Madeleine loves posing, and pretty much never stops.
Carnaby Street! At the risk of oversharing, I'm really excited by this, because I was on Carnaby Street when they were filming this. I didn't know what it was at the time, but I saw lots of girls stood in the middle of the street doing poses with camera crews around them and I thought "I wonder if this is for BintModel?" and IT TOTALLY WAS. I feel as though I'm playing a role in this series, however small. [I'll feel the same way when my episode of Apprentice Babies airs - Helen] Lisa interviews that when they turned up it was pouring with rain and very cold. Thanks, Lisa, but we can pretty much infer that from seeing everyone wearing coats and carrying umbrellas. And the fact that, y'know, you're in Britain. Someone called Laura Whitmore greets them and reminds them that they're in one of the most famous shopping spots in the country, and that as a model you have to get used to people looking at you, so today they'll be competing against each other for the attention of the passing public. They'll be standing on a red carpet for an hour. In the rain. Even pose queen Madeleine is finding it difficult to get enthused about this. Laura Whitmore sends them all off to get changed.
The girls return dressed in plain white long-sleeved tops and blue jeans, clearly shivering. Laura Whitmore tells them that their hour starts now, and that they should commence posing. They're all wearing number tags, presumably for ease of identification in the public vote. Frankly, I wish they'd been wearing those all series, it would've helped me keep Emma and Letitia straight in those post-makeover weeks [I don't understand why they made them look even more the same. - Helen]. The girls strike poses of varying qualities (Anita opts for a particularly tragic one where she places her fingertips together under her chin like she's Jennifer Love Hewitt playing Audrey Hepburn in a bad TV movie [I've seen that TV movie. It's awesome - Helen]) and Risikat looks uncomfortable already. Laura Whitmore jokes with a male passerby about how it's so hard to judge girls, isn't it? I don't know, the Daily Mail seems to manage it without too much trouble. One female bystander offers her vote to Kellie whose poses she likes, while the bloke from earlier likes Anita and Lisa, though I'm not entirely sure it's their modelling skills that he's assessing.
Risikat, meanwhile, has her arms folded and is rolling her eyes, and interviews that her pose represented exactly how she felt. She'll go a long way with that attitude, and by "a long way", I mean "home". Several passerbys point out that Risikat is looking angry and kind of off-putting. Risikat tells Letitia that this whole process is ridiculous and has nothing to do with becoming a top model. I kind of hope she means the show as a whole, but even if she just means this challenge, she's still got a point. What remains of Risikat's patience is eradicated when two women ask all the girls to turn around so they can examine their bottoms (pfft, lesbians) and declare themselves very impressed with Emma's cheeks. That's enough for Risikat, and she's off. "Is she crying?" Lisa asks Letitia. "Or does she just need to go to the toilet?" HA! Laura Whitmore sprints down the street after Risikat, and Roxanne follows, saying that she felt bad about her friend and wanted to make sure that she was all right. Risikat complains to Laura Whitmore that she didn't like being told to turn around and having her arse inspected, and I'm wondering exactly what she thinks happens at a model casting. Here's a hint: it doesn't involve writing essays or giving your thoughts on world peace. If she finds objectification so upsetting, she may want to consider another career. Laura Whitmore does not give her the lecture that Tyra/Mr Jay/Elle/Grace would probably have delivered at this point, and just asks Risikat what she wants to do, and then sends her back to the red carpet without waiting for her answer.
The girls continue posing, with Risikat making as little effort as humanly possible. A passing cook picks Madeleine as his favourite. Roxanne interviews that she'd run out of poses, and this apparently prompted an overall reality TV crisis, so she walks off and starts crying about missing her daughter. Laura Whitmore gives her a big hug, and an unsympathetic passerby photographs the crying girl. Lovely. Laura Whitmore gives Roxanne a quick pep talk and tells her to knock 'em dead in the last 15 minutes. Laura Whitmore has a lot more patience with these lollygaggers than I would have had. Kellie interviews that they're all so lucky to have this opportunity so she doesn't see the point in complaining. She's delighted to be here, on the street, in the rain. Then again, Kellie is Irish. She's probably very used to rain. (I base this assessment on one day this year that I spent in Dublin. I realise that's a fairly narrow sample but MOTHERFUCKER it rained a lot.) At the end of the hour, Laura Whitmore releases them. The person with the fewest votes...was Kellie. Risikat interviews that she's stunned, though to be fair I imagine a lot of the hipsters who frequent Carnaby Street probably thought she was being ironic in her hostility to the whole process, and voted for her because they thought she was one of them. Jennifer interviews that she's amazed Kellie got so few votes when she was working so hard. Kellie, to her credit, takes this crushing vote of indifference from the public with good humour, though she should probably watch out because the bus that came so unswervingly for Anne last week is clearly out for her tonight. The person with the most votes, who wins a shopping spree on Carnaby Street with a friend, is Emma. She picks Letitia to join her, perhaps in the hope that they can spend the money on two of everything and officially become twins. So Emma and Letitia get to stay on Carnaby Street, while everyone else gets sent home. Considering the weather, this might be one of those situations where everyone's kind of fine with not winning.
Ad break. I love that Eva Longoria is advertising Sheba these days, especially when the theme of the advert appears to be "I am considering having sex with my cat".
When we return, everyone's back at the house (no shopping spree montage? Boo!), Just Casually Hanging Out in the way that people on reality TV do when they've clearly been told to Just Casually Hang Out because something's about to happen. [I am particularly enjoying the 'bedtime' hanging about sections because they seem to consist of the girls in full makeup wearing whatever they were wearing that day with slippers and a dressing gown flung on - Helen] The doorbell goes, and it's a takeaway delivery. Hooray! It is, of course, all an excuse for manufactured drama, as the takeaway includes a dessert bag filled with fortune cookies, and Risikat interviews that they were anticipating them to contain some provocative questions. Risikat's asks who has the most annoying habits, and she picks Jennifer, saying that she feels Jennifer tries to force her opinions on to people. Cut to an interview with Jennifer, all "I enjoyed the meal until we got to the Bitch Course." Anita's question is "who is the biggest model diva?" She guffaws "I know if any of you had this question, you would say me!" and the silence that follows suggests that yes, most of them probably would. Anita picks Madeleine, who's all "wow! I've never had a title before!" but then kisses her teeth in an interview, suggesting she's not quite as happy with this turn of events as she'd like everyone to think. Madeleine's question is "who is the least high-fashion?" and she picks Letitia, on the grounds that her face is "pretty sexy". Letitia frostily replies that she can be versatile, while Risikat hypocriterviews that Letitia needs to get over herself. Madeleine gives the best interview of the entire episode when she points out that Letitia's face coupled with her "humungous knockers" are not high-fashion [Oh, I love her so - Helen]. Letitia says that the last three times at panel no one's even mentioned the sexy thing, SO THERE. Emma's question is "who would you least like to be paired with for a photo shoot?" For some reason, they're all deciding to answer this one, going one-by-one around the table. Emma gives the total pussy answer of choosing Roxanne because "she'd steal my limelight". Madeleine answers Anita, "because you'd bore the shit out of me with all your 'I don't know who I'm fancying today'..." Snerk. Anita is outraged by this (entirely accurate) summary of her character, and interviews that she's officially DONE being nice to Madeleine. Oh, grow up. Outside, Anita bitches to Risikat, Letitita and Roxanne that she wouldn't be friends with Madeleine outside of the show, so she doesn't see why she should be friends with her on the show, and also she doesn't like the way Madeleine speaks to people. Because Anita is always so warm and friendly. Madeleine interviews that nothing the other girls say can shock her, yet they always seem to be shocked by everything she says and she doesn't know why. Heh.
The girls are loafing around in the living room sometime later, presumably as a result of post-Chinese takeaway bloat, and an Elle Mail arrives, which Roxanne reads. "Hi girls, In the competitive world of modelling, you have to make first impressions count. You'll be meeting some very important people tomorrow where it's every girl for herself. Love Elle x" The girls presume this means castings. Either they're a pretty astute bunch this year, or the production team have stopped bothering to make them cryptic. Whatever the reason, I'm sure Michael Gove will be intervening soon to stop Elle Mail interpretation inflation.
The next day, the girls walk into a studio, where Julien is standing with top British designer Hasan Hejazi, who appears to be one of those people who is good-looking but dresses like a complete bozo so you don't really notice. He's designed for the likes of Kylie and Jessie J, and Hasan tells the girls he likes a model who has the confidence to portray a sense of sexual power. Julien tells them that he and Hasan will be judging them, but - SHOCK TWIST! - they'll also be judging each other. Lisa interviews that they'll be marking each other's walks out of five - "five being the best," she adds helpfully. Hasan hands out the outfits to the girls, and before giving Roxanne her dress, he asks her to turn around so he can see her bum. See, I TOLD YOU. I don't notice Risikat walking out in disgust, but perhaps she just sneezed when he said that and didn't hear him. I'm sure that must be it.
Emma interviews that when they started to put the clothes on, they realised how small they were - the dresses may have been marked size eight, but they didn't feel like it. Oh, fashion, with your eternal need for women to secretly be fourteen-year-old boys. Madeleine's outfit won't even zip up, despite Jennifer's efforts to help her. Anita can't get her dress over her arse.
Kellie is called upon to walk first, and she interviews that initially she thought the whole judging-each-other thing would be fun, because they'd totally stick together in the interests of sisterhood? Oh, Kellie. You really haven't seen this show before, have you? She gets a total score of 32 from the others, and notes that Letitia only gave her a three, when Letitia's always praised her walk in private. Kellie suspects that Letitia might be deliberately low-balling out of self-interest. Unfortunately, this does not pay off as a strategy since Letitia's walk gets threes from pretty much everyone. "I thought her walk was crap anyway, but I would have given her more marks if she hadn't given me a three," Kellie interviews. Letitia's total is 25. Roxanne's walk is rather stilted, which she explains is because her dress was digging into her pelvis and making her really uncomfortable. This does not escape Hasan's notice. Roxanne gets a score of 22, including a 2 from Letitia. Letitia tries to tell her that "two is really good", and Roxanne shoots right back that Letitia is full of shit because she cried when she got a three. Heh. Also, I notice that Anita is low-scoring everyone too and getting away with it. DAMN YOU ANITA.
Anita walks, admitting that her walk is terrible. She gets 18 (plus whatever Risikat scores her, which isn't shown). Next is Lisa, who gets 37 (not 38, as Julien says, he just can't add up). Emma is after her, and her little sashay at the end of her walk gets mocked by Julien for being old-fashioned. She gets 25 (again, Julien says 26 - is there a secret tenth contestant who always scores one point, or does Julien need a calculator?) Madeleine walks in her leotard, and Jennifer interviews "I think she needed to do her bikini line. It wasn't nice from up close." Heh. Madeleine, however, insists "everything was clean for landing." She gets 22 (Julien and I agree on this one). Risikat walks and gets 36, and during this it seems Letitia is still winding Roxanne up. Jennifer walks and gets a 1 from Letitia, the lowest individual score so far. Letitia's all "I thought Roxanne was better, and I gave Roxanne a two, so *shruggy-shoulders-googly-eyes*" Roxanne is clearly about to lamp her with the little handbag-shaped scorecards they've all got. We don't see Jennifer's overall score.
At the end, Julien comes over all deputy headmaster and tells the girls that if they came to see him for a casting, he'd tell them all to leave because they were all talking and half of them looked bored. He singles Roxanne out in particular, which infuriates her. Later, back at the house, she rants about how she's just "a laid-back person" and she's not going to be saying "'oh hi Julien, I'm so excited to see you again!'" Remember when Joy saw Julien and was all "oh God, him again"? Ah, good times. Letitia interviews chirpily that she feels guilty because she was the one who kept talking to Roxanne. I am so ready for Letitia to go now. Back to the room, and the girl with the most votes is Lisa. Hasan says that the girl who embodies his style the most is Letitia, with a little bit of tweaking. Kellie interviews that Letitia has a "smirky, flirty" look and that's why she was chosen. She wonders if her own look is the reason she's not doing so well lately.
More ads. A reminder that Elementary is coming on later this year. Lucy Liu as Dr Watson? I'd be lying if I said I wasn't intrigued.
Then we're back at the house for another Elle Mail, read by Risikat. "Hi ladies, Have you been keeping good company with each other? We'll find out soon. Love Elle x" Kellie reckons this must be to do with Company magazine. She's right, because the next day, the girls are led to a rooftop where they're met by Victoria White, editor of Company. (Which is produced in the office two floors below me, just around the corner from Carnaby Street where Risikat had her little strop. Just a bit of background colour for you there.) She tells them they'll be shooting for a six-page spread in the magazine, and hands over to their photographer for the day, Diana Gomez. Diana explains that it's a sports shoot, so she needs energy and attitude, and Victoria tells them that while there are nine of them taking part, only six will appear in the finished feature.
Off to hair and make-up! Jennifer's excited about the potential of appearing in the magazine and hopes to be among the lucky six. Roxanne interviews that they were just sitting there, minding their own business, getting their make-up done, when Rizzle Kicks walked in. Everyone gets very excited, though to be honest I'm not sure I'd recognise Rizzle Kicks if my life depended on it. Also, they're Olly Murs enablers, so I don't approve of them on principle. (Although 'Heart Skips A Beat' is the only Olly Murs song that's any good, I'm SO CONFLICTED.) Anita asks if they'll be in the shoot with them, and Rizzle (or possible Kicks) confirms that they will, and will be such crap models that they'll make the girls look good by comparison. That's possibly the most helpful thing anyone has ever offered to do on this show.
Roxanne is first to be shot, and is keen to appear more warm and approachable after Julien called her moody. She says that in the shoot, she felt like she was embracing having her afro for the first time. Victoria and Diana say that she made it look easy. Up next is Emma, who can't stop shivering. Emma interviews that it was the most difficult shoot to date, and Victoria notes that the combination of shivering and nerves is not a good one. Then we have Jennifer, who's sporting a natty pink visor. She says she treated Rizzle Kicks like she'd known them for years, and Victoria notes how relaxed she looks: "I think she's one of those girls that likes boys." Gasp! You mean she's a heterosexual? BAN THIS SICK FILTH! Lisa is next, and Diana wants her to be more playful and open her eyes more. Lisa's struggling though, because the sun is in her eyes (oh no, she's caught Anita-itis!) and worries that she looked too serious in her shots. Victoria thinks Lisa didn't interact with Rizzle Kicks enough.
That's not a criticism that can be levelled at Madeleine, who has "good moves" and "a great body", according to Victoria, who tells Madeleine at the end that she'd definitely consider booking her for the magazine. Madeleine, of course, goes straight to the others to make sure they know she's a threat, and Anita snoterviews that Madeleine is just a "B-I-T-C-H". For crying out loud, Anita, you are a grown woman and you are on reality TV. You are allowed to say "bitch". Risikat interviews that towards the end of the day, Rizzle Kicks were getting tired and starting to mess around, but she knew she had to focus on standing out to make the cut for the magazine. Unfortunately, they decided at one point to push her out of the shot entirely, which made things somewhat more difficult. Victoria states later that she loved Risikat when she came out and she looked like she fitted in with Rizzle Kicks (maybe they could call themselves Rizzi Kats?), but for some reason it doesn't work in the pictures. Letitia does a good job, but Victoria notes she couldn't really warm to her as a person. Diana tells Rizzle Kicks to whisper something into Anita's ear, but Anita refuses to reveal what they actually said. Personally, I'm hoping it was "you're not very good, how are you still here?" Victoria says that Anita was fun, but lacked Letitia's drive and focus. Finally we have Kellie, who seems to struggle with the relaxed side of things once again, and Victoria thinks she might have been overthinking it all.
Back in the make-up room, there is Elle Mail for Roxanne: "Dear Roxanne, Being a mum I know how tough it can be working away from your children. It has been weeks for you now so I have arranged a little surprise for you." Enter Roxanne's daughter, cue emotional slow-mo montage. Roxanne's daughter looks thoroughly unimpressed with Mum's new hair, incidentally. Roxanne says that seeing her daughter has given her strength and reminded her what she's doing all this for. [This bit was the actual worst. It wouldn't surprise me if the whole section with Julien was to get Roxanne even more upset so this bit would be sadder. Manipulative and transparent. Awful - Helen]
At the house, Emma interviews that she doesn't know who's going home. Risikat points out that they don't really know what the clients needs were. Madeleine, who pretty much got a guarantee that she met the client's needs, is pretty confident about her chances, but admits that it's all down to the whims of the judges.
Speaking of which, Voice of Fearne reminds us that it's judgement day. What, no Elle Mail? Swizz. After VoF has run us through the prizes, she introduces us to this week's guest judge: hot British model (and daughter of Annie) Tali Lennox. In the judging room, Elle tells the girls that this week they learned that everyone's going to have a different perspective on them: their clients, their competitors, sarky bloggers, and so on. First up for appraisal is Madeleine. We see her picture, and Tali thinks there's not much of a dynamic between Madeleine and Rizzle Kicks, but that Madeleine looks stunning. Whitney thinks Madeleine's body looks amazing in the picture, but her facial expression is too harsh. Elle says that the editor really liked her, and they've chosen her picture for the magazine. What a surprise! Next up is Anita, and Elle sees her as "this gorgeous actress". Tyson thinks she's "getting it". Or at least she will be later, AMIRITE? Julien tells her to "forget about The Rizzle Kicks" (bless), because the picture is all about her. Anita has been chosen to be in the magazine, because the universe hates me and she's going to be around forever despite being The Actual Worst.
Obligatory mid-judging ad break. Smirnoff really do seem to be going out to reach that coveted hipster demographic, don't they?
When we return, Jennifer is next. Tyson loves her body expression, and thinks she looks like Italian Vogue. Tali thinks it's almost there, but it needs more directness. Elle reveals that Jennifer's picture narrowly missed selection. The fuck? I will never understand how Anita got in and Jennifer didn't, especially since Jennifer seemed to be performing so well during the actual shoot. (Perhaps Jennifer's look is too harsh for Company, which is a possibility. Even so, though: Anita? REALLY?!) Next is Lisa, whose shot is loved by the entire panel and she made the cut for the magazine. I know this is pretty much a staple of the Top Model franchise, but this week more than ever it seems like what happens on the shoot and the verdicts given at panel take place in two separate realities. Then we have Letitia, who is reminded that the girls all thought she sucked during the casting challenge, but the client loved her, which just goes to show that in the fashion world, no one really cares if you're a bitch as long as you keep booking work. Her picture doesn't get rave reviews: Whitney thinks she looks constipated. Tyson disagrees, however, he thinks she looks fresh. Elle tells her that the clients liked her as a model but not as a person, but she's in the magazine anyway. Gah! At this rate it's going to be an Anita vs Letitia final and I might actually hurt myself.
Dum-dum-de-dum-dum-de-dum-de-dum-de-dum. That funereal tone is to indicate that Risikat is next, and Elle wants to talk about what happened on the living mannequin challenge. What gives? Risikat explains that she was feeling low and homesick, and she didn't want to stand in the cold and rain for an hour because it didn't feel like it was anything to do with modelling. Elle tells her that there is "a certain element of people having a perspective on the way you look" (a certain element???) and if Risikat can't deal with that, this is probably not the right job for her. Tali tells her that as a model you do get homesick, but the reality is that NO1 CURR. Tyson tells her that walking off a job is not good, and they might send her home just for that. Risikat waggles her head, and Tyson objects to that as well. We see her best shot, and Julien says that they look like a band where she's the lead singer, and she overshadows the boys. Company liked the picture so much that it's going in the magazine, and Risikat simpers so much that even Letitia is like "gurl, dial it down a notch"
Next is Emma, whose shot is "a tricky one" according to Tali, because Rizzle Kicks look like they're having fun but Emma looks like she doesn't want to be there. Elle doesn't love it either, but Julien likes the picture - he feels like Emma's striking a modelly pose between two sporty guys. Elle tells Emma that the clients thought she looked uncomfortable, and her picture will not be in Company. After her comes Kellie, whose body language tells the judges from the off that she's not feeling very confident this week. She explains how she totally bombed the live mannequin challenge, and Elle suggests they look at her photo: Whitney feels conflicted about it because Kellie's face looks pretty but there's "something about it I'm just not understanding". Well, that's helpful. Kellie's picture will not be in Company, nor will it be on the side of the bus that is coming for her in about five minutes' time. Finally, we have Roxanne: she explains that she's struggled with her emotions, and Elle says that that's why they arranged to have her daughter come and visit her, because the fashion world is notoriously sympathetic and accommodating like that. Roxanne says that she feels better now that she knows her daughter is okay. I'm sure that whoever is caring for the daughter in Roxanne's absence, presumably free of charge, was thrilled to hear that extremely complimentary assessment of their guardianship skills. Roxanne sees her picture and doesn't like it, but we all know it's going to be in Company anyway because three girls have already been rejected. Apparently Roxanne is the editor's favourite and the photographer's favourite. Julien likes it because it's young and editorial, and Tali thinks it's a well-balanced photo.
Backstage: Emma sobs that she thinks she's going home. In the judging room, the judges deliberate. Whitney grumbles that the client chose Madeleine to be in the magazine even though she thinks hers was the weakest picture. OH NOES SUCH BETRAYAL. Julien thinks she looks like she's walking out of the competition. Anita looks like a top model, everyone thinks, and Tali Lennox adds that Anita seems like a really nice girl. Tali Lennox is clearly an appalling judge of character. The judges loved Jennifer's shot, but Company did not. Julien thinks Lisa's shot is strong and athletic. Whitney doesn't love Letitita's pose, but enjoys seeing her look different, even if that's a styling change rather than a modelling one. Risikat's picture is great, but her attitude stinks. Julien thinks Emma has incredible potential, but she just needs some help. Tyson wonders if they might be too far into the process for that. Julien keeps falling in love with Kellie's personality, but not her modelling. Whitney agrees that they need to separate the two. Interestingly, no one made this point when Tali was gushing about what a wonderful human being Anita must clearly be. Finally, Roxanne delivered a great photo, and Whitney thinks she deserves to stay.
The girls return. Elle has nine girls before her, but only eight pictures in her hand. First called and winner of picture of the week is Lisa. Following her are Roxanne, Jennifer, Risikat, Anita, Letitia, and Emma. That leaves Kellie and Madeleine in the bottom two, and Elle informs them that "the name of the girl I do not call must leave immediately." For the love of fierce, Elle, SORT YOUR SENTENCE STRUCTURE OUT. Elle tells them that they're both there because they have the weakest shots, but one of the images was liked by the client, and one of the images was liked by the judges. If that's the case, then why was the only feedback they showed for Kellie's picture Whitney talking about how she didn't understand it? Ugh, this show sometimes. Anyway, obviously this is modelling and the needs of the client are paramount (and also this is reality TV and the epicmazing bitch has to stick around), so Madeleine gets a picture and Kellie is dismissed. Kellie, characteristically, takes this news very well - far better than I do. I need to stop having favourites on this show, because my favourites never last long. (Ufuoma, NEVA 4GET.) Madeleine heads back to join the other survivors and is all "LOL I'M STILL HERE BITCHES". Jennifer congratulates her, Risikat mumbles something vaguely positive, no one else seems particularly moved.
Kellie is just pleased to have got this far and made some good friends. She's going to miss Lisa the most, because the Axis Of Irish, while nowhere near as amazing as last year's Axis Of Blonde Eastern European Evil, was one of the sweeter strands of narrative subtext this series. Judging by the way Lisa's crying, I suspect the feeling is mutual. Kellie heads back to say goodbye, and the girls pile on her. We see Kellie's portfolio, and to be fair, it's not exactly amazing, but I still think she was a fun presence on this show and I for one shall miss her.
Next week: a nude shoot! With boys! And a catwalk on water, which seems to involve someone taking a full-on buttplant. I hope it's Anita. Join Helen next week for all the details.
Previously on BintModel: the contestants could not speak French (apart from Madeleine), nor could they let the sexy music do the talking. Letitia ended up being the least-worst at pretending to be a Francophone, and her prize was being allowed to steal five minutes of Anne's photo shoot time. This is a particularly bitter blow since the photo shoot in question involved getting all sexy with hot French male models, and also getting to be around Joy from cycle six. I'm trying to imagine how Helen would have responded to someone cutting into her Joy-time. [Cutting- Helen] I don't think it would have gone down well. Whether it was because of reduced time or a general lack of suitability to the task at hand, Anne failed to produce a shot that the judges liked, and she was sent home.
This week: the girls pose near my office! Madeleine lays down some real truth flavour on Anita! Roxanne has some sort of meltdown over Julien! This is going to be amazing.
Titles. ARE YOU WHAT I'M LOOKING FOR? IS IT A GIRL LIKE YOU? EH? EH?
Late night at Model Manor. Emma interviews that she came very close to going home last week, and that's more than close enough for her liking, thank you very much. Madeleine interviews that it was horrible, and she really didn't think it would be Anne who went. Then there is Elle Mail, read by Lisa: "Hi girls, you'd better start practising those poses, as tomorrow you'll get a chance to display your full model potential. Love Elle x" Lisa (correctly) predicts that they'll be live mannequins, which Anita thinks will be "so much fun!" Risikat points out that it will involve having to stand still for a really long time, which is precisely the opposite of fun in her book. Madeleine, meanwhile, has decided not to get involved in this squabble and is practising her poses on the arm of the sofa instead. Anita and Kellie interview (separately) that Madeleine loves posing, and pretty much never stops.
Carnaby Street! At the risk of oversharing, I'm really excited by this, because I was on Carnaby Street when they were filming this. I didn't know what it was at the time, but I saw lots of girls stood in the middle of the street doing poses with camera crews around them and I thought "I wonder if this is for BintModel?" and IT TOTALLY WAS. I feel as though I'm playing a role in this series, however small. [I'll feel the same way when my episode of Apprentice Babies airs - Helen] Lisa interviews that when they turned up it was pouring with rain and very cold. Thanks, Lisa, but we can pretty much infer that from seeing everyone wearing coats and carrying umbrellas. And the fact that, y'know, you're in Britain. Someone called Laura Whitmore greets them and reminds them that they're in one of the most famous shopping spots in the country, and that as a model you have to get used to people looking at you, so today they'll be competing against each other for the attention of the passing public. They'll be standing on a red carpet for an hour. In the rain. Even pose queen Madeleine is finding it difficult to get enthused about this. Laura Whitmore sends them all off to get changed.
The girls return dressed in plain white long-sleeved tops and blue jeans, clearly shivering. Laura Whitmore tells them that their hour starts now, and that they should commence posing. They're all wearing number tags, presumably for ease of identification in the public vote. Frankly, I wish they'd been wearing those all series, it would've helped me keep Emma and Letitia straight in those post-makeover weeks [I don't understand why they made them look even more the same. - Helen]. The girls strike poses of varying qualities (Anita opts for a particularly tragic one where she places her fingertips together under her chin like she's Jennifer Love Hewitt playing Audrey Hepburn in a bad TV movie [I've seen that TV movie. It's awesome - Helen]) and Risikat looks uncomfortable already. Laura Whitmore jokes with a male passerby about how it's so hard to judge girls, isn't it? I don't know, the Daily Mail seems to manage it without too much trouble. One female bystander offers her vote to Kellie whose poses she likes, while the bloke from earlier likes Anita and Lisa, though I'm not entirely sure it's their modelling skills that he's assessing.
Risikat, meanwhile, has her arms folded and is rolling her eyes, and interviews that her pose represented exactly how she felt. She'll go a long way with that attitude, and by "a long way", I mean "home". Several passerbys point out that Risikat is looking angry and kind of off-putting. Risikat tells Letitia that this whole process is ridiculous and has nothing to do with becoming a top model. I kind of hope she means the show as a whole, but even if she just means this challenge, she's still got a point. What remains of Risikat's patience is eradicated when two women ask all the girls to turn around so they can examine their bottoms (pfft, lesbians) and declare themselves very impressed with Emma's cheeks. That's enough for Risikat, and she's off. "Is she crying?" Lisa asks Letitia. "Or does she just need to go to the toilet?" HA! Laura Whitmore sprints down the street after Risikat, and Roxanne follows, saying that she felt bad about her friend and wanted to make sure that she was all right. Risikat complains to Laura Whitmore that she didn't like being told to turn around and having her arse inspected, and I'm wondering exactly what she thinks happens at a model casting. Here's a hint: it doesn't involve writing essays or giving your thoughts on world peace. If she finds objectification so upsetting, she may want to consider another career. Laura Whitmore does not give her the lecture that Tyra/Mr Jay/Elle/Grace would probably have delivered at this point, and just asks Risikat what she wants to do, and then sends her back to the red carpet without waiting for her answer.
The girls continue posing, with Risikat making as little effort as humanly possible. A passing cook picks Madeleine as his favourite. Roxanne interviews that she'd run out of poses, and this apparently prompted an overall reality TV crisis, so she walks off and starts crying about missing her daughter. Laura Whitmore gives her a big hug, and an unsympathetic passerby photographs the crying girl. Lovely. Laura Whitmore gives Roxanne a quick pep talk and tells her to knock 'em dead in the last 15 minutes. Laura Whitmore has a lot more patience with these lollygaggers than I would have had. Kellie interviews that they're all so lucky to have this opportunity so she doesn't see the point in complaining. She's delighted to be here, on the street, in the rain. Then again, Kellie is Irish. She's probably very used to rain. (I base this assessment on one day this year that I spent in Dublin. I realise that's a fairly narrow sample but MOTHERFUCKER it rained a lot.) At the end of the hour, Laura Whitmore releases them. The person with the fewest votes...was Kellie. Risikat interviews that she's stunned, though to be fair I imagine a lot of the hipsters who frequent Carnaby Street probably thought she was being ironic in her hostility to the whole process, and voted for her because they thought she was one of them. Jennifer interviews that she's amazed Kellie got so few votes when she was working so hard. Kellie, to her credit, takes this crushing vote of indifference from the public with good humour, though she should probably watch out because the bus that came so unswervingly for Anne last week is clearly out for her tonight. The person with the most votes, who wins a shopping spree on Carnaby Street with a friend, is Emma. She picks Letitia to join her, perhaps in the hope that they can spend the money on two of everything and officially become twins. So Emma and Letitia get to stay on Carnaby Street, while everyone else gets sent home. Considering the weather, this might be one of those situations where everyone's kind of fine with not winning.
Ad break. I love that Eva Longoria is advertising Sheba these days, especially when the theme of the advert appears to be "I am considering having sex with my cat".
When we return, everyone's back at the house (no shopping spree montage? Boo!), Just Casually Hanging Out in the way that people on reality TV do when they've clearly been told to Just Casually Hang Out because something's about to happen. [I am particularly enjoying the 'bedtime' hanging about sections because they seem to consist of the girls in full makeup wearing whatever they were wearing that day with slippers and a dressing gown flung on - Helen] The doorbell goes, and it's a takeaway delivery. Hooray! It is, of course, all an excuse for manufactured drama, as the takeaway includes a dessert bag filled with fortune cookies, and Risikat interviews that they were anticipating them to contain some provocative questions. Risikat's asks who has the most annoying habits, and she picks Jennifer, saying that she feels Jennifer tries to force her opinions on to people. Cut to an interview with Jennifer, all "I enjoyed the meal until we got to the Bitch Course." Anita's question is "who is the biggest model diva?" She guffaws "I know if any of you had this question, you would say me!" and the silence that follows suggests that yes, most of them probably would. Anita picks Madeleine, who's all "wow! I've never had a title before!" but then kisses her teeth in an interview, suggesting she's not quite as happy with this turn of events as she'd like everyone to think. Madeleine's question is "who is the least high-fashion?" and she picks Letitia, on the grounds that her face is "pretty sexy". Letitia frostily replies that she can be versatile, while Risikat hypocriterviews that Letitia needs to get over herself. Madeleine gives the best interview of the entire episode when she points out that Letitia's face coupled with her "humungous knockers" are not high-fashion [Oh, I love her so - Helen]. Letitia says that the last three times at panel no one's even mentioned the sexy thing, SO THERE. Emma's question is "who would you least like to be paired with for a photo shoot?" For some reason, they're all deciding to answer this one, going one-by-one around the table. Emma gives the total pussy answer of choosing Roxanne because "she'd steal my limelight". Madeleine answers Anita, "because you'd bore the shit out of me with all your 'I don't know who I'm fancying today'..." Snerk. Anita is outraged by this (entirely accurate) summary of her character, and interviews that she's officially DONE being nice to Madeleine. Oh, grow up. Outside, Anita bitches to Risikat, Letitita and Roxanne that she wouldn't be friends with Madeleine outside of the show, so she doesn't see why she should be friends with her on the show, and also she doesn't like the way Madeleine speaks to people. Because Anita is always so warm and friendly. Madeleine interviews that nothing the other girls say can shock her, yet they always seem to be shocked by everything she says and she doesn't know why. Heh.
The girls are loafing around in the living room sometime later, presumably as a result of post-Chinese takeaway bloat, and an Elle Mail arrives, which Roxanne reads. "Hi girls, In the competitive world of modelling, you have to make first impressions count. You'll be meeting some very important people tomorrow where it's every girl for herself. Love Elle x" The girls presume this means castings. Either they're a pretty astute bunch this year, or the production team have stopped bothering to make them cryptic. Whatever the reason, I'm sure Michael Gove will be intervening soon to stop Elle Mail interpretation inflation.
The next day, the girls walk into a studio, where Julien is standing with top British designer Hasan Hejazi, who appears to be one of those people who is good-looking but dresses like a complete bozo so you don't really notice. He's designed for the likes of Kylie and Jessie J, and Hasan tells the girls he likes a model who has the confidence to portray a sense of sexual power. Julien tells them that he and Hasan will be judging them, but - SHOCK TWIST! - they'll also be judging each other. Lisa interviews that they'll be marking each other's walks out of five - "five being the best," she adds helpfully. Hasan hands out the outfits to the girls, and before giving Roxanne her dress, he asks her to turn around so he can see her bum. See, I TOLD YOU. I don't notice Risikat walking out in disgust, but perhaps she just sneezed when he said that and didn't hear him. I'm sure that must be it.
Emma interviews that when they started to put the clothes on, they realised how small they were - the dresses may have been marked size eight, but they didn't feel like it. Oh, fashion, with your eternal need for women to secretly be fourteen-year-old boys. Madeleine's outfit won't even zip up, despite Jennifer's efforts to help her. Anita can't get her dress over her arse.
Kellie is called upon to walk first, and she interviews that initially she thought the whole judging-each-other thing would be fun, because they'd totally stick together in the interests of sisterhood? Oh, Kellie. You really haven't seen this show before, have you? She gets a total score of 32 from the others, and notes that Letitia only gave her a three, when Letitia's always praised her walk in private. Kellie suspects that Letitia might be deliberately low-balling out of self-interest. Unfortunately, this does not pay off as a strategy since Letitia's walk gets threes from pretty much everyone. "I thought her walk was crap anyway, but I would have given her more marks if she hadn't given me a three," Kellie interviews. Letitia's total is 25. Roxanne's walk is rather stilted, which she explains is because her dress was digging into her pelvis and making her really uncomfortable. This does not escape Hasan's notice. Roxanne gets a score of 22, including a 2 from Letitia. Letitia tries to tell her that "two is really good", and Roxanne shoots right back that Letitia is full of shit because she cried when she got a three. Heh. Also, I notice that Anita is low-scoring everyone too and getting away with it. DAMN YOU ANITA.
Anita walks, admitting that her walk is terrible. She gets 18 (plus whatever Risikat scores her, which isn't shown). Next is Lisa, who gets 37 (not 38, as Julien says, he just can't add up). Emma is after her, and her little sashay at the end of her walk gets mocked by Julien for being old-fashioned. She gets 25 (again, Julien says 26 - is there a secret tenth contestant who always scores one point, or does Julien need a calculator?) Madeleine walks in her leotard, and Jennifer interviews "I think she needed to do her bikini line. It wasn't nice from up close." Heh. Madeleine, however, insists "everything was clean for landing." She gets 22 (Julien and I agree on this one). Risikat walks and gets 36, and during this it seems Letitia is still winding Roxanne up. Jennifer walks and gets a 1 from Letitia, the lowest individual score so far. Letitia's all "I thought Roxanne was better, and I gave Roxanne a two, so *shruggy-shoulders-googly-eyes*" Roxanne is clearly about to lamp her with the little handbag-shaped scorecards they've all got. We don't see Jennifer's overall score.
At the end, Julien comes over all deputy headmaster and tells the girls that if they came to see him for a casting, he'd tell them all to leave because they were all talking and half of them looked bored. He singles Roxanne out in particular, which infuriates her. Later, back at the house, she rants about how she's just "a laid-back person" and she's not going to be saying "'oh hi Julien, I'm so excited to see you again!'" Remember when Joy saw Julien and was all "oh God, him again"? Ah, good times. Letitia interviews chirpily that she feels guilty because she was the one who kept talking to Roxanne. I am so ready for Letitia to go now. Back to the room, and the girl with the most votes is Lisa. Hasan says that the girl who embodies his style the most is Letitia, with a little bit of tweaking. Kellie interviews that Letitia has a "smirky, flirty" look and that's why she was chosen. She wonders if her own look is the reason she's not doing so well lately.
More ads. A reminder that Elementary is coming on later this year. Lucy Liu as Dr Watson? I'd be lying if I said I wasn't intrigued.
Then we're back at the house for another Elle Mail, read by Risikat. "Hi ladies, Have you been keeping good company with each other? We'll find out soon. Love Elle x" Kellie reckons this must be to do with Company magazine. She's right, because the next day, the girls are led to a rooftop where they're met by Victoria White, editor of Company. (Which is produced in the office two floors below me, just around the corner from Carnaby Street where Risikat had her little strop. Just a bit of background colour for you there.) She tells them they'll be shooting for a six-page spread in the magazine, and hands over to their photographer for the day, Diana Gomez. Diana explains that it's a sports shoot, so she needs energy and attitude, and Victoria tells them that while there are nine of them taking part, only six will appear in the finished feature.
Off to hair and make-up! Jennifer's excited about the potential of appearing in the magazine and hopes to be among the lucky six. Roxanne interviews that they were just sitting there, minding their own business, getting their make-up done, when Rizzle Kicks walked in. Everyone gets very excited, though to be honest I'm not sure I'd recognise Rizzle Kicks if my life depended on it. Also, they're Olly Murs enablers, so I don't approve of them on principle. (Although 'Heart Skips A Beat' is the only Olly Murs song that's any good, I'm SO CONFLICTED.) Anita asks if they'll be in the shoot with them, and Rizzle (or possible Kicks) confirms that they will, and will be such crap models that they'll make the girls look good by comparison. That's possibly the most helpful thing anyone has ever offered to do on this show.
Roxanne is first to be shot, and is keen to appear more warm and approachable after Julien called her moody. She says that in the shoot, she felt like she was embracing having her afro for the first time. Victoria and Diana say that she made it look easy. Up next is Emma, who can't stop shivering. Emma interviews that it was the most difficult shoot to date, and Victoria notes that the combination of shivering and nerves is not a good one. Then we have Jennifer, who's sporting a natty pink visor. She says she treated Rizzle Kicks like she'd known them for years, and Victoria notes how relaxed she looks: "I think she's one of those girls that likes boys." Gasp! You mean she's a heterosexual? BAN THIS SICK FILTH! Lisa is next, and Diana wants her to be more playful and open her eyes more. Lisa's struggling though, because the sun is in her eyes (oh no, she's caught Anita-itis!) and worries that she looked too serious in her shots. Victoria thinks Lisa didn't interact with Rizzle Kicks enough.
That's not a criticism that can be levelled at Madeleine, who has "good moves" and "a great body", according to Victoria, who tells Madeleine at the end that she'd definitely consider booking her for the magazine. Madeleine, of course, goes straight to the others to make sure they know she's a threat, and Anita snoterviews that Madeleine is just a "B-I-T-C-H". For crying out loud, Anita, you are a grown woman and you are on reality TV. You are allowed to say "bitch". Risikat interviews that towards the end of the day, Rizzle Kicks were getting tired and starting to mess around, but she knew she had to focus on standing out to make the cut for the magazine. Unfortunately, they decided at one point to push her out of the shot entirely, which made things somewhat more difficult. Victoria states later that she loved Risikat when she came out and she looked like she fitted in with Rizzle Kicks (maybe they could call themselves Rizzi Kats?), but for some reason it doesn't work in the pictures. Letitia does a good job, but Victoria notes she couldn't really warm to her as a person. Diana tells Rizzle Kicks to whisper something into Anita's ear, but Anita refuses to reveal what they actually said. Personally, I'm hoping it was "you're not very good, how are you still here?" Victoria says that Anita was fun, but lacked Letitia's drive and focus. Finally we have Kellie, who seems to struggle with the relaxed side of things once again, and Victoria thinks she might have been overthinking it all.
Back in the make-up room, there is Elle Mail for Roxanne: "Dear Roxanne, Being a mum I know how tough it can be working away from your children. It has been weeks for you now so I have arranged a little surprise for you." Enter Roxanne's daughter, cue emotional slow-mo montage. Roxanne's daughter looks thoroughly unimpressed with Mum's new hair, incidentally. Roxanne says that seeing her daughter has given her strength and reminded her what she's doing all this for. [This bit was the actual worst. It wouldn't surprise me if the whole section with Julien was to get Roxanne even more upset so this bit would be sadder. Manipulative and transparent. Awful - Helen]
At the house, Emma interviews that she doesn't know who's going home. Risikat points out that they don't really know what the clients needs were. Madeleine, who pretty much got a guarantee that she met the client's needs, is pretty confident about her chances, but admits that it's all down to the whims of the judges.
Speaking of which, Voice of Fearne reminds us that it's judgement day. What, no Elle Mail? Swizz. After VoF has run us through the prizes, she introduces us to this week's guest judge: hot British model (and daughter of Annie) Tali Lennox. In the judging room, Elle tells the girls that this week they learned that everyone's going to have a different perspective on them: their clients, their competitors, sarky bloggers, and so on. First up for appraisal is Madeleine. We see her picture, and Tali thinks there's not much of a dynamic between Madeleine and Rizzle Kicks, but that Madeleine looks stunning. Whitney thinks Madeleine's body looks amazing in the picture, but her facial expression is too harsh. Elle says that the editor really liked her, and they've chosen her picture for the magazine. What a surprise! Next up is Anita, and Elle sees her as "this gorgeous actress". Tyson thinks she's "getting it". Or at least she will be later, AMIRITE? Julien tells her to "forget about The Rizzle Kicks" (bless), because the picture is all about her. Anita has been chosen to be in the magazine, because the universe hates me and she's going to be around forever despite being The Actual Worst.
Obligatory mid-judging ad break. Smirnoff really do seem to be going out to reach that coveted hipster demographic, don't they?
When we return, Jennifer is next. Tyson loves her body expression, and thinks she looks like Italian Vogue. Tali thinks it's almost there, but it needs more directness. Elle reveals that Jennifer's picture narrowly missed selection. The fuck? I will never understand how Anita got in and Jennifer didn't, especially since Jennifer seemed to be performing so well during the actual shoot. (Perhaps Jennifer's look is too harsh for Company, which is a possibility. Even so, though: Anita? REALLY?!) Next is Lisa, whose shot is loved by the entire panel and she made the cut for the magazine. I know this is pretty much a staple of the Top Model franchise, but this week more than ever it seems like what happens on the shoot and the verdicts given at panel take place in two separate realities. Then we have Letitia, who is reminded that the girls all thought she sucked during the casting challenge, but the client loved her, which just goes to show that in the fashion world, no one really cares if you're a bitch as long as you keep booking work. Her picture doesn't get rave reviews: Whitney thinks she looks constipated. Tyson disagrees, however, he thinks she looks fresh. Elle tells her that the clients liked her as a model but not as a person, but she's in the magazine anyway. Gah! At this rate it's going to be an Anita vs Letitia final and I might actually hurt myself.
Dum-dum-de-dum-dum-de-dum-de-dum-de-dum. That funereal tone is to indicate that Risikat is next, and Elle wants to talk about what happened on the living mannequin challenge. What gives? Risikat explains that she was feeling low and homesick, and she didn't want to stand in the cold and rain for an hour because it didn't feel like it was anything to do with modelling. Elle tells her that there is "a certain element of people having a perspective on the way you look" (a certain element???) and if Risikat can't deal with that, this is probably not the right job for her. Tali tells her that as a model you do get homesick, but the reality is that NO1 CURR. Tyson tells her that walking off a job is not good, and they might send her home just for that. Risikat waggles her head, and Tyson objects to that as well. We see her best shot, and Julien says that they look like a band where she's the lead singer, and she overshadows the boys. Company liked the picture so much that it's going in the magazine, and Risikat simpers so much that even Letitia is like "gurl, dial it down a notch"
Next is Emma, whose shot is "a tricky one" according to Tali, because Rizzle Kicks look like they're having fun but Emma looks like she doesn't want to be there. Elle doesn't love it either, but Julien likes the picture - he feels like Emma's striking a modelly pose between two sporty guys. Elle tells Emma that the clients thought she looked uncomfortable, and her picture will not be in Company. After her comes Kellie, whose body language tells the judges from the off that she's not feeling very confident this week. She explains how she totally bombed the live mannequin challenge, and Elle suggests they look at her photo: Whitney feels conflicted about it because Kellie's face looks pretty but there's "something about it I'm just not understanding". Well, that's helpful. Kellie's picture will not be in Company, nor will it be on the side of the bus that is coming for her in about five minutes' time. Finally, we have Roxanne: she explains that she's struggled with her emotions, and Elle says that that's why they arranged to have her daughter come and visit her, because the fashion world is notoriously sympathetic and accommodating like that. Roxanne says that she feels better now that she knows her daughter is okay. I'm sure that whoever is caring for the daughter in Roxanne's absence, presumably free of charge, was thrilled to hear that extremely complimentary assessment of their guardianship skills. Roxanne sees her picture and doesn't like it, but we all know it's going to be in Company anyway because three girls have already been rejected. Apparently Roxanne is the editor's favourite and the photographer's favourite. Julien likes it because it's young and editorial, and Tali thinks it's a well-balanced photo.
Backstage: Emma sobs that she thinks she's going home. In the judging room, the judges deliberate. Whitney grumbles that the client chose Madeleine to be in the magazine even though she thinks hers was the weakest picture. OH NOES SUCH BETRAYAL. Julien thinks she looks like she's walking out of the competition. Anita looks like a top model, everyone thinks, and Tali Lennox adds that Anita seems like a really nice girl. Tali Lennox is clearly an appalling judge of character. The judges loved Jennifer's shot, but Company did not. Julien thinks Lisa's shot is strong and athletic. Whitney doesn't love Letitita's pose, but enjoys seeing her look different, even if that's a styling change rather than a modelling one. Risikat's picture is great, but her attitude stinks. Julien thinks Emma has incredible potential, but she just needs some help. Tyson wonders if they might be too far into the process for that. Julien keeps falling in love with Kellie's personality, but not her modelling. Whitney agrees that they need to separate the two. Interestingly, no one made this point when Tali was gushing about what a wonderful human being Anita must clearly be. Finally, Roxanne delivered a great photo, and Whitney thinks she deserves to stay.
The girls return. Elle has nine girls before her, but only eight pictures in her hand. First called and winner of picture of the week is Lisa. Following her are Roxanne, Jennifer, Risikat, Anita, Letitia, and Emma. That leaves Kellie and Madeleine in the bottom two, and Elle informs them that "the name of the girl I do not call must leave immediately." For the love of fierce, Elle, SORT YOUR SENTENCE STRUCTURE OUT. Elle tells them that they're both there because they have the weakest shots, but one of the images was liked by the client, and one of the images was liked by the judges. If that's the case, then why was the only feedback they showed for Kellie's picture Whitney talking about how she didn't understand it? Ugh, this show sometimes. Anyway, obviously this is modelling and the needs of the client are paramount (and also this is reality TV and the epicmazing bitch has to stick around), so Madeleine gets a picture and Kellie is dismissed. Kellie, characteristically, takes this news very well - far better than I do. I need to stop having favourites on this show, because my favourites never last long. (Ufuoma, NEVA 4GET.) Madeleine heads back to join the other survivors and is all "LOL I'M STILL HERE BITCHES". Jennifer congratulates her, Risikat mumbles something vaguely positive, no one else seems particularly moved.
Kellie is just pleased to have got this far and made some good friends. She's going to miss Lisa the most, because the Axis Of Irish, while nowhere near as amazing as last year's Axis Of Blonde Eastern European Evil, was one of the sweeter strands of narrative subtext this series. Judging by the way Lisa's crying, I suspect the feeling is mutual. Kellie heads back to say goodbye, and the girls pile on her. We see Kellie's portfolio, and to be fair, it's not exactly amazing, but I still think she was a fun presence on this show and I for one shall miss her.
Next week: a nude shoot! With boys! And a catwalk on water, which seems to involve someone taking a full-on buttplant. I hope it's Anita. Join Helen next week for all the details.
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